My wife's affair.........?

Question

After being married for two years and planning for a family at Christmas. My wife has been very close with her lady friend and had open discussions of her affair she has been having over the last 6 months. Her friend could not stand it any longer and told me what was going on after new year. I confronted my wife and initually she told me it was all lies, two weeks later she said it was all an imagination story. I have been trying to accept my wife's story and thinking back there has been some unualu incedents as she was covering up but I trusted her and never thought of anything else. Now I am caught with a depression and can't keep this up any more and for my wife who I have loved so much I can now only think of divorcing her and get on with my life. I appreciate feedback from other persons who have been in similar situations.

I appreciated for Joan_of freaking_arc for her comments to my previous questions.

Answer 1

your depression is associated with giving up something u love, that is part of u. depression is said to be healthy but becomes unhealthy only when we refuse to face reality or if we refuse to give something up, in your case your wife. when my ex left me for the other woman, yes i was extremely hurt and upset, kept denying this woman meant anything to him, tried hard waited patiently on his return, but the longer i waited and denied it the worse i felt. had to look at the facts, and see reality for what it was, had to move on away from the hurt and let him go. if she is covering it up than u can never get to the bottom of it, or work it out. to even think this is all her imagination is quite ridiculous, it is probably about as real as it gets. i would believe the friend, and distance myself from the wife, leave her, as we do teach people how to treat us, by allowing the disrespect in the first place. sometimes we just have to cut our losses and go on with life, it does hurt, the more we loved the person the worse it is going to hurt us, but we have no control over anyone but ourselves, if for whatever reason our loved one doesn't love us, we just have to accept it and let it be. good luck

Answer 2

I think that she was not being truthful with you when she told you that it was an imaginary story.It would be hard to believe she would go to all this trouble telling her friend she was having an affair with someone just for the sake of telling a lie.Usually when a person tells something like this it's because they have to confess to someone and usually it's to a friend.In my mind I would consider what she did cheating weather she actually did it or not just because she told someone she did.Maybe you should talk with her some more and see if there is something else she will tell you about it.At this point you already said you were thinking of divorce and remembering unusual events happening so go ahead and question her.If she is hiding something then she will have forgotten some of her past lies and this is where you can catch her.Check her phone bills, maybe there is some clues there.Ask her friend if she would mind talking about again.Ask her friend if anyone else might know something about the affair or possibly who the other person is.Remember that you may hear things and learn about stuff that hurts so be prepared to deal with it.After you talk about it some your attitude may change and might even decide to try to work it out.Don't make any quick decisions because you may regret them later.

Answer 3

You want mature responses? What you are doing isn't mature and is rather careless, barging in on someones relationship and being upset because the man your kickin it with only wants the sex, not too bright!!!why would you assume this man is gonna give out more to you than sex when he's only doing this becuz things aren't going well with his wife. If your up for drama then stay with the embecile, if you have any sense at all LEAVE!!! It doesn't take someone mature to say that!!! The question is how old are you and much maturity do you have.

Answer 4

Not knowing your wife it is hard to say, but i have always told myself to believe my first gut instinct. and even if she did not have the affair, she sure was thinking about it, so first you need to decide if she had the affair or not and then can you live with her and forgive her for it, you can't live with her and punish her for it, the rest of her life. I have been married now for eighteen years, and at times it has been quite hard, so i know how hard it is, but if you find she has had an affair, i would leave her, you will never fully trust her, and in order to build a life with someone, you have to know you can completely trust them, take some time and don't do anything out of anger, think things through and sit and talk with her, you don't say weather there are children involved, but if not, I would really think about moving on and finding someone who is devoted to you, there are a lot of women out there looking for a good guy, and will not pull this kind of stuff on them.

Answer 5

Honestly you can't be shady in judgement either you beleive her or you dont. If you beleive her which could be that her friend sincerely is upset with her over something else and she's using this to get back at her, you need to put this in the past and whole-heartedly and lovingly move on with the relationship.
If you dont believe her and if she does confess to having an affair with a woman, would you still accept her? If she did, she obviously chose to be with you....Either accept her silent apology and move on, or sit down and have a serious discussion about parting ways. B/c quite frankly living in a house with uncertainty of feeling is stressful. Good Luck.

Answer 6

Who do you know better, Your wife or her lady friend?
Who do you truly believe in: your wife or her lady friend?
How has been there all this time supporting you, loving you, sharing and living with you: your wife or her lady friend?...
If the things where all the way around and you were the one who is blamed of having an affair and your wife found out about it because of one of your "friends" who would you liked her to believe in: You or your "friend?....

Once again: Who do you want to believe in?

If you were really in love with your wife you wouldn´t be thinking about divorcing her...if you canot find peace, and you are 100% that you lover her at least try to look for marriage therapy.

Wish ya the best!!!

Answer 7

The truth shall set you free. You need to find it to your own satisfaction. Once found, then you must decide on a course of action, either way. You have serious questions that deserve answers. If your wife is just being dismissive about it, then you should look deeper. It sounds to me like she's trying to bluff you into forgetting about this whole thing. One would think that your believing in her fidelity would be a high priority to her. I believe this bears a much closer investigation.

Answer 8

Get her off of your Christmas list and move on. Even if you "work" past it, you are headed for a "train wreck," because you will NEVER trust her again. She may never admit it to you, which isn't important. Even if she made the whole thing up as she maintains, that all by itself is way too wacko for an ordinary man to make work into a healthy normal relationship. Good luck & God Bless.

Answer 9

Trust is a big isue , Once you start having doubts about your relationship , well the best is to get some space from one an other .

Go on your own and take some time , note everything , see if someone else is involved , date others, and if you find someone else you enjoy ,,then go for it ,,don,t waste time,, it passes very quickly.

Answer 10

you need to get this right in your head first of you need to decide if she is in fact having an affair or is the friend a trouble maker? you said you have tried to talk to your wife and she denies it so talk to her again tell her this is how you feel and if you don't get some answers you are going to divorce her...you can't carry on with this situation especially if you are depresed really it just isn't worth it