How do I cope with ex boyfriend's death?

Question

About 3 weeks ago I was told my ex boyfriend whom I almost moved in with a few years ago died. I don't know how he died as I've lost contact with his friends & family after he broke it off with me & told me he didn't want to get so serious. About a year later I swallowed my pride & made contact with him, he seemed so happy to hear from me & we organised to go out on a date. But that didn't eventuate as I met someone else. So the last time I spoke with him was to tell him I'd met someone else so woudn't be catching up & wished him well. It's been 7 years since we last spoke but he'd been in my life off & on for 23 years. I really thought it might have been 3rd time lucky for us but got swept away with someone else & got engaged. I keep questioning my feelings, I'm dreaming of him some nights, it's like he's with me, I don't know what to do, I visited his grave & lay flowers, I've cried, I don't understand why I feel like this given the years it's been since we spoke. Pls help.

Answer 1

SOMETIMES IS HARD TO LET GO
BUT FOR YOUR SANITY YOU HAVE TO TRY
YOU CAN START MAKING AN APPT TO SEE A PSYCHOLOGIST MAYBE BY TALKING YOU CAN PUT ALL THOSE FEELINGS IN ORDER.

Answer 2

You feel the way you do because despite the
diffucties you and your boyfriend, each of had an
impact on the other. It does not feel like it now,
but the devastion you have will gradually decrease. The loss will always be there, but so will all the memories. He is gone in the flesh, but he lives in you heart. Take all the good he has done for you, and share it with others.Remember, you don't pick the people you love. Just be glad they are there for how ever long you have them.

Gradually return to your life.They are people
who love you and need you. Visit friends and
family. Call someone you have not spoken to
in a while. Go to a fair, the park, a place or worship. Seek advice from others, and read to
understand you grief. Pray for his well being
in eternity and pray for yours and the love ones
you have around you. You will make it.

Answer 3

Fortunately for me, I have never had to deal with a death of somebody close to me outside the family. But I know, losing somebody you love is never easy, but you really have to let it go.

Whenever something really bad happens to me (like a breakup) I just take a night and cancel all my plans, ignore all my calls, and watch TV and surround myself with foods that I love. And I cry. But that's just me. The next morning, I feel like I can get over it, and my mind is clear.

So just do something to keep your mind off the pain. I know it's hard but you can make it through! It's totally fine to cry. Don't rush through this, either. People will tell you to get over it, but just go about your normal life at your own pace. Just try to find that gray zone where it's not exactly dwelling in the past and pretending you've moved on when you really haven't.

Answer 4

Many therapists will say, "let it go". Which of course is so not easy to do. From my perspective I would just be thankful for every second that you have. Be thankful for every second you had with the one who fell, whether they were "good times", or "bad times". If you will just be thankful you are still here and think of him when you can - in a positive way...:)>

Good luck kiddo...:)>

Answer 5

Sorry to say your story is now an unfinished book. The only thing you can do it move on and try not to dwell on what could have been because there is nothing you can do about it now. Sorry for your loss...

Answer 6

Cry your heart out, then move on. Cherish the memories.