I am married with a guy that... is a little aggresive from my criteria. I am disorganized, i have always been. When we met he knew i was messy. He lived in my apartment for a couple of months, and i didn't do anything to hide my messyness. But anyway he married me.
Now he blames me, and makes me feel sooo bad everytime the house is not organized. He can scream at me, at he always justify his behaviour because... i am the one that creates the problem.
I swear now i try to make thing neat, ans he is happy when i do it. But somedays i don't feel like it, or i am busy, and i find myself fearful to imagine how he is going to react when he comes home. His reaction goes from putting a bad face to scream.
We have been married for 11 months, no kids. He helps me also at home. I don't think he is a bad person but i do not know if he will be able to change. Or probably i am the one who is wrong?
What should i do?
2007-02-03 13:03:16 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I said i am messy, not dirty.
2007-02-03 13:13:27 · update #1
I have seen both men and women put up with so much mental abuse and wonder how. I'll never recommend that you desolve the relationship, but consider this. Your young enough to bare children and if you do find yourself in a mother to be status do you want to add to an existing problem.
2007-02-03 15:31:54 · answer #1 · answered by blueridgemotors 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I too am very messy. I hate cleaning! When my husband and I moved in together (before we were married), I told him that we have to hire a maid, there was just no other way. So, we have a maid come every two weeks and clean the house - it helps immensly! And I try not to leave messes sitting around; although, my desk is always a disaster. My husband is very patient, tho - I can't complain. And he cleans, too. I strongly recommend considering some outside help; this maid has been the best $200/mo investment we could have made.
2007-02-03 13:08:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is what happens when you get married. you think you can change people. if he knew about this before you were married and it bothered him that much, why didn't he say anything until now? he shouldn't have married you if he thought this would create a problem. i think you two should compromise. tell him to stop screaming at you because he knew when he married you that this was part of the package and it makes you feel bad, and you will try to clean up more. in the end, it's a win win situation. you feel better and he has a clean house.
2007-02-03 13:08:18 · answer #3 · answered by pikachu 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He obviously thought you would change or he is still in the process of trying to change you. If a messy house is your only problem, clean it up and keep it clean. ASK HIM to show you how to organize and keep it that way. If he sees you are putting forth the effort to learn he may ease up a little. Keep asking him for tips. As he is showing you these tips, HE is cleaning it for you. LOL...SNEAKY...isn't it?...PRAISE how well HE does all this. Tell him you are trying, but just can't get the hang and can he show you again...please.
My hubby is better at organizing my cupboards(grocery items) than I ever was or will be. I just have him do it and I keep the rest of the house clean.
2007-02-03 13:10:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What will be easier is when you make a mess clean it up right away and he should do the same as well. Your mess clean it up his mess he cleans it up. He knew you were messy when you married him but he must of thought he could change you. You need to tell him that he cannot change you and he married you the way that you are. If he does not like it he can leave.
2007-02-03 13:54:06 · answer #5 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well there is a difference e between being messy and dirty. No one wants a dirt home I am sure. BUT he shouldn't take it out on you by yelling. Maybe you can find a happy medium like you do the dishes and laundry and he vacuums and dust etc....What if you did have children and he freaked out in front of them. Maybe he needs anger management?
2007-02-03 13:07:43 · answer #6 · answered by chemky1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i work a full time job and have a husband a 18 year old daughter and her boyfriend BUT I am not going to live in a mess and to tell the truth I think it is in the women's place to keep up the house if he works and also helps you in the house my opinion is you might want to rethink your ways just pick up after your self it takes 10 min. to fold a whole load of cloths the washer and dryer does the hard work for you thank about it.
2007-02-03 13:13:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a perfect match to me.. ya both got yer problems and neither on wants to correct anything.. and HEY it seems to be working.. whats the problem?
Accept it maybe? Face it neither one of you is gonna change.. 11 month marriage.. Man thats not even a beginning yer still dating LOL
2007-02-03 13:19:54 · answer #8 · answered by darchangel_3 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both need to see a marriage counselor together... Get help for this ... It is both of you not just one of you. Why dont you hire someone to help you clean the house ..... If i lived closer i would come and help you in a heart beat:) Why dont you two pick one day a week together to clean together on the house... Would he be open to this? I sure hope things get better for you and your marriage soon.
http://www.drphil.com
2007-02-03 13:10:19 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
depends on if u want to stay with him. if so, tell him u will try to be neater. I have the same problem, don't worry. U can't sweat the small stuff in life.
2007-02-03 13:09:51 · answer #10 · answered by chocolate lover 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋