2007-02-03 12:31:10 · 25 answers · asked by leraisonbelle 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
there is no right answer to that, you have to figure that out for yourself... when you start thinking about it, try to think about something really nice that he has done for you, or something you justlove about him. that usually helps me.
2007-02-03 12:34:00 · answer #1 · answered by yo mama 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here's the thing. Pain is your brain and body's way of preventing you from repeating mistakes. Smash your thumb with a hammer and you have almost instantly learned to be more careful when you're trying to drive a nail. You could build an entire apartment complex and not unlearn that lesson.
Forgiving your husband is actually the easy part. Forgiveness simply means that know the hammer hurts when it comes down on your thumb but you're willing to drive nails anyway. The harder part is unlearning the hardwired response to the pain. This is where the fact that you're asking the question indicates to me that you're probably willing BUT you may also be assuming too much of the responsibility for it.
Here's the thing about "getting over it" (whatever the it in your life happens to be) you don't get to decide when (or if) if happens. You don't get to wake up one day and say to yourself, "right now, as of this second I'm over it and moving on." It happens, when it happens. For example, I was remarried for a couple of years before I was over my ex-wife. In this case you are simply along for the emotional ride.
One more word about closure. It doesn't exist. Time doesn't heal anything. Time gives you perspective. Perspective is the only thing that will allow you to think about the pain from alternate angles. The lessons you learn can become less acute with different light and shadow. Somewhere near the end of perspective you may be able to find a measure of peace.
Here's wishing you the best of luck as you're moving through this process.
2007-02-03 13:21:53 · answer #2 · answered by Goofy Foot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are willing to stay with him after he has hurt you in the past then you need to forgive but not forget. You are still building up hurt feelings that happened in the past and are not letting them go. If you want to move along with your relationship then it is a must to forgive otherwise you will never move on it will just be the same.
2007-02-03 12:45:06 · answer #3 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't say how he has hurt you.
When I went to my 20th HS reunion, we were given a questionnaire that asked "What has given you the most delight since HS" followed by "what has given you the most pain"? I cannot tell you how many answered "their spouse" for both. Pain and emotional hurt are common occurrences in marriages, and some of this is caused by the fact that in a marriage, you open yourself up and give yourself over to your partner in such a way that you can be very, very hurt. This is not limited to women, as men have the same problem.
If you are talking about emotional hurt from day to day existence, then work toward fixing yourself IF you are overly sensitive. If you are talking about affairs he may have had, ask yourself if that is absolutely 100% in the past. If it is, then try to think only of the future and not the past. Bring your mind and heart into the future, and don't even think of the past. If he is continuing to have affairs, then preserve yourself and run from this relationship.
Good luck.
If you mean physically hurting you, then get out while you can. If he has done it in the past, he will most likely do it in the future.
2007-02-03 12:48:07 · answer #4 · answered by piano guy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are you forgiving him for. It depends on what the circumstances are. To forgive you both must acknowledge that you have been hurt and talk about it. You must forgive him if you choose. But once you choose to forgive you must stick to it.
Only then can you move forward and have a happy relationship. Also very important he must be sorry and remorseful for hurting you. He must be willing to say it and do whatever it takes to make you trust him again. Good Luck.
2007-02-03 13:40:58 · answer #5 · answered by jjeano661 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If we want forgiveness from others, we should give forgiveness. Put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if he walked around with unforgiveness on his shoulders against you. It do not make it right what happened. If he is still with you, he wants to be there, make it easier for yourself and him. It is okay to hurt and go through the motions of what happened but at some point, if you still want the relationship, you must give it up and allow the scars to heal. Forgive and you will be forgiven. It is not easy. You will not feel it at first but just say it and start down that road to recovery by faith. Than one day, you will be free from it.
2007-02-03 12:42:23 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs. Morality 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will take the help of God. Forgiving him doesn't mean that you will forget anything. Once you forgive him you will probably feel a whole lot better about yourself and you can start working on not letting him hurt you again.
2007-02-03 12:39:09 · answer #7 · answered by Tosh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look up the stats on Meth clientele-----did you be attentive to that something like ninety 3% of all Meth clientele by no potential destroy thoroughly unfastened from that dependancy? It worse than the different type drug. Meth consumer are over the best, paranoid and straightforward out loopy appearing--if he's no longer already he will replace into untrustworthy...Why no longer destroy unfastened from him, and supply your self a huge gamble to have a incredible life with a incredible husband? provide him an ultimatum the two he keeps to be sparkling or he can come lower back whilst he's able to do marriage the the superb option way. stable success, this kinda sh!t regularly doesnt prove nicely.
2016-10-01 09:31:33 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is going to take some time to get over the hurt, but if you are willing to stay in this relationship with him you got to forgive for your sake not his, and like you said the past, let it stay in past and dont let the past hurt your future....never bring up past hurts it destroys a relationship....
2007-02-03 12:37:49 · answer #9 · answered by Melissa A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It all depends on what he did to hurt you. Some things are pretty much unforgivable others you can easily forgive. If it was a one time thing talk to him tell him how you feel and that you really want to trust him again.
2007-02-03 12:37:43 · answer #10 · answered by chemky1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This will take you time.... Over time with counseling and help you can start to heal and learn to possible forgive someday. How did he hurt you if i may ask? Seek marriage counseling with your husband as well and is your husband wanting to work on the marriage with you?
http://www.drphil.com
2007-02-03 12:35:36 · answer #11 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋