explaining sex to a teenager?

Question

I have a 13yr old girl and I think she is ready for the talk. I see that she is intersted in boys and she has already started her cycle. My mother passed when I was 13 and I had no one to explain the birds and bee's to me. If you know of any web site I can go to Please let me know. Or give me some tips

I don't think 13 is too young to explain maybe we won't have so many babies having babies!

Answer 1

Most parents want to do their best in talking with their kids about sex and sexuality, but they're often not sure how to begin. Here's my advice:

Explore your own attitudes

Studies show that kids who feel they can talk with their parents about sex -- because their moms and dads speak openly and listen carefully to them -- are less likely to engage in high-risk behavior as teens than kids who do not feel they can talk with their parents about the subject. So explore your feelings about sex. If you are very uncomfortable with the subject, read some books (see Readings for Parents) and discuss your feelings with a trusted friend, relative, physician, or clergy member. The more you examine the subject, the more confident you'll feel discussing it.

Even if you can't quite overcome your discomfort, don't worry about admitting it to your kids. It's okay to say something like, "You know, I'm uncomfortable talking about sex because my parents never talked with me about it. But I want us to be able to talk about anything -- including sex -- so please come to me if you have any questions. And if I don't know the answer, I'll find out."

Start early

Teaching your children about sex demands a gentle, continuous flow of information that should begin as early as possible -- for instance, when teaching your toddler where his nose and toes are, include "this is your penis" or "this is your vagina" in your talks. As your child grows, you can continue her education by adding more materials gradually until she understands the subject well.

Take the initiative

If your child hasn't started asking questions about sex, look for a good opportunity to bring it up. Say, for instance, the mother of an 8-year-old's best friend is pregnant. You can say, "Did you notice that David's mommy's tummy is getting bigger? That's because she's going to have a baby and she's carrying it inside her. Do you know how the baby got inside her?" then let the conversation move from there.

Talk about more than the "Birds and the Bees"

While our children need to know the biological facts about sex, they also need to understand that sexual relationships involve caring, concern and responsibility. By discussing the emotional aspect of a sexual relationship with your child, she will be better informed to make decisions later on and to resist peer pressure. If your child is a pre-teen, you need to include some message about the responsibilities and consequences of sexual activity. Conversations with 11 and 12-year-olds, for example, should include talks about unwanted pregnancy and how they can protect themselves.

One aspect that many parents overlook when discussing sex with their child is dating. As opposed to movies, where two people meet and later end up in bed together, in real life there is time to get to know each other -- time to hold hands, go bowling, see a movie, or just talk. Children need to know that this is an important part of a caring relationship.

Give accurate, age-appropriate information

Talk about sex in a way that fits the age and stage of your child. If your 8-year-old asks why boys and girls change so much physically as they grow, you can say something like, "The body has special chemicals called hormones that tell it whether to become a boy or a girl. A boy has a penis and testicles, and when he grows older his voice gets lower and he gets more hair on his body. A girl has a vulva and vagina, and when she gets older she grows breasts and her hips grow rounder."

Anticipate the next stage of development

Children can get frightened and confused by the sudden changes their bodies begin to go through as they reach puberty. To help stop any anxiety, talk with your kids not only about their current stage of development but about the next stage, too. An 8-year-old girl is old enough to learn about menstruation, just as a boy that age is ready to learn how his body will change.

Communicate your values

It's our responsibility to let our children know our values about sex. Although they may not adopt these values as they mature, at least they'll be aware of them as they struggle to figure out how they feel and want to behave.

Talk with your child of the opposite sex

Some parents feel uncomfortable talking with their child about topics like sex if the youngster is of the opposite gender. While that's certainly understandable, don't let it become an excuse to close off conversation. If you're a single mother of a son, for example, you can turn to books to help guide you or ask your doctor for some advice on how to bring up the topic with your child. You could also recruit an uncle or other close male friend or relative to discuss the subject with your child, provided there is already good, open communication between them. If there are two parents in the household, it might feel less awkward to have the dad talk with the boy and the mom with the girl. That's not a hard and fast rule, though. If you're comfortable talking with either sons or daughters, go right ahead. Just make sure that gender differences don't make subjects like sex taboo.

Relax

Don't worry about knowing all the answers to your children's questions; what you know is a lot less important than how you respond. If you can convey the message that no subject, including sex, is forbidden in your home, you'll be doing just fine.

Questions & Answers

What's safe sex?

If two people have sexual intercourse, and one of them has HIV or another sexually transmitted disease, he could give it to his partner(s). Doctors believe that if the man wears a latex condom whenever he has intercourse, it helps to protect him and his partner from giving each other HIV. That's why people call sexual intercourse with a latex condom "safe sex."

Is it true that you can't get pregnant the first time that you have sex?

No. You can get pregnant anytime you have sexual intercourse. Wearing a latex condom, taking birth control pills, or using other contraceptives are very effective at preventing pregnancy. However, the only absolute way to not get pregnant is to not have sex at all. You might also use this question as an opportunity to point out that not having sexual intercourse is a good idea for teens. Help them understand there are other ways to show affection.

Hope this helped!

Answer 2

My mom handed me a book and told me to read....this part...where the man "places" his...you know into her ..you know..(dunno if Yahoo will let me say those words...bleh), and the book said the activity was pleasurable for both persons.
Which made no sense to me...I would wonder WHY would you do that? HOW is it pleasurable? Frankly, it sounded gross.
I guess what I'm trying to say is explain that kissing, petting and touching...with all these hormones ....something she may experience very soon, can lead to sex-which is the ultimate way of expressing love, but also lust between two people, and it can also cause pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases.
So the decision to have sex should not be taken lightly, and should not be an easy decision. With a devoted couple who are ready for a commitment, it's called making love because it's an expression of their love.
Sex is when someone is penetrated...most likely you'll explain that it's a man penetrating a woman. Explain that kissing and touching can be wonderful with another person, but realize what might happen.Open her eyes to unwed mothers who can't be a teen anymore and explain STDs to her.

Answer 3

I don't know of any websites that can help you, but I have a few ideas. First, think of what you are going to say to her before you start the talk. Rehearsing what you are going to say may make you more comfortable saying "vagina" out loud and can help prevent awkward pauses in the conversation. Start the conversation off with something like "I know talking about sex with me is a little awkward. I feel a little embarrassed too, but I think it's really important you know about your own body, and the facts about sex". Try to have the conversation or start the conversation in a setting where you don't have to be face to face, like taking a long walk together. Above all, DON'T chicken out! She needs to hear the facts from you, so don't back away from the conversation if she says things like "Aw mom, I already know all that stuff", Good luck to you! Also, don't listen to people who say she is too young to hear about this stuff; your daughter is not going to go have sex because you told her how babies were made. I work in a labor and delivery unit and see 13-14 year olds coming to have their babies on a regular basis because either no one told them sex can lead to pregnancy, or their friends gave them misinformation like you can't get pregnant the first time, ect.

Answer 4

My mother told me when I was ten, and I thought she'd waited too long. She's got to be getting really curious when they mention the big 's' word on tv..... I would go to www.beinggirl.com, for information about hygeine and her "cycle". For the stuff about the big 's' word, first look the word up in the dictionary, let her read it, tell her all that you think is appropriate (i.e.- about waiting until marriage to have it, STDs, protection, etc.) Don't go into details. Hearing that from a mother is gross. It is more exciting and it makes her feel like more of a woman if she picks it up in Health class or from a science book or friend.

Answer 5

sit down and watch a porn with her and see how it made her feel and when she has questions just answer them besides shes gonna learn sooner or later anyway..i wish my parents would have taught me about sex..instead of having my priest,teacher,and police chief all teach me together in the same night the "hard way" you are a loving mother...you should appreciate what you have with your daughter and let her know that iif she is gonna have sex but doesnt want to get pregnant anal is the best way to go..and then buy her some KY jelly and tell her to have fun but be safe..stay away from boys her age and go for high school men or even older at least they have money and can provide a good future for her

Answer 6

No website, just be open and honest and make sure she knows she can come to you with any question and if you don't know the answer or if it is "goofy" don't laugh and please look up the answers.

Also make sure she knows how to avoid pregnancy and the the ways to get pregnant so shes not a silly uneducated girl on here asking if she is pregnant because they used boxers!!
Make sure she knows that you can get pregnant before, during, or after her period and that a woman can get pregnant more than 1 day a month. Make her smart about this.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Start off ready to be honest. No sidestepping the questions she is going to ask.

My wife called it the Women's day outing. She would take our daughter (We have 4) out to lunch and and start talking about boys and the things boys would asking to do. Soon a full blown conversation would start. My wife said that those early conversations made her feel closer to our girls. Let her ask question and give open and honest answers. Your daughter will get a sex education. I advise you to be her preferred source of information.

God Bless and Paw Paw is praying for you.

Answer 8

Well talk to her about it tell her the consequences and risks dont tell her "DONT HAVE SEX" over and over let her know what can go wrong like Std's and also talk about protection because dont expect that she is not going to have sex , but hope she wont , I just think its better to know how to be protected in case it happens you know? Maybe you can get a goo sex ed tape and whatch it with her and get her to learn about her and the male body and also puberty, with the whole breast, menstruation , odor , acne, and all that good stuff! Remember knowledge is power! dont be shy about it im 15 and never got a sex talk i wish i did , i had to learn from shcool and sex ed classes , I really wish my mom would have had the guts to talk to me about it and to this day she still cant mention any sex topic to me. hope it works out!

Answer 9

If she's thirteen, you can be pretty sure that she already knows the mechanical basics of sex. If not, she must be living in a bubble.

Still, it's important to talk to her about pregnancy, STDs, and the importance of being responsible.

Try not to show your embarssment about the subject. That isn't something you want to pass on to your daughter. Adolescents whose parents don't view sex as something perfectly natural and healthy are more likely to engage in high-risk behavior.

Answer 10

ask her what she already knos i bet her and her friends have done aksed someone and found out something.....and no i dont think 13 is too young if she already started her pperiod then shes ready to kno why she started it and what it is.......good luck and dont be to embarresed its part of life.......shell evetually have to tell her daughter in a good 10 yrs or whenever she has one.... just dont make it aqwuard its a conversation not a lecture dont do all the talking let her talk to =]

Answer 11

http://www.aauw.org/research/voices.cfm

http://www.siecus.org/pubs/TalkAboutSex.pdf

http://www.familiesaretalking.org/teen/teen0000.html

I'm glad that you are going to talk to your daughter about sex. I guess that other parents are doing their jobs and children aren't sure what sex is and they are experimenting for themselves. I feel sad when I see that kids are having sex starting at age 11. Thats too young! What is happening to this generation of children.

Good Luck to you!