How hard is it for a man to get full/sole custody of his child?

Question

I'm 8.5 months pregnant. The father wanted me to have an abortion when he found out, and I chose to keep the baby. He left me, and then came back for a very very brief period when I was about 3 months pregnant. I haven't spoken to him in 5 months now... and the last time I spoke to him he was screaming at me saying that he was going to "Come down on my ***" in court and take the baby away. Throughout my pregnancy I've tried to just forget it - I've been working and going to school full time - paying all medical bills by myself. But as the time gets closer, I'm becoming TERRIFIED. I mean, after the baby is here, my lawyer will be filing for child support, and I'm not even sure that it's worth it!! I'm terrified that he'll be able to get my child... his family is wealthy... How probable is this? What can I do? What can HE do? I would appreciate ANY advice.

Answer 1

The father has the same rights to fight for custody of the child as you do, and luckily for him, the courts have become less biased against fathers in recent years.

Answer 2

He will get visitation, but most likely you two will get joint custody. You will be reimburded for half the medical expenses accrued during the pregnancy, and for the actual birth.

At first, the baby will spend most of the time with you, depending on whether you are breast feeding or not. Then, when the baby gets older, the visitation will be altered, as the child will be able to spend more time with him, including overnight. When you file the child support, a visitation, or possession, order will be put in place. This will outline who has the child, when ,and all that good stuff.

I wouldn't worry about it. The national average is that 6 out 10 cases result in joint custody with the mother being the primary, and the father paying child support.

Let him keep talking out of his @ss. I wouldn't worry about it. Child support will be based on his salary. Depends on your state, but on average, it's 20% of his salary minus taxes, SS, and cost to insure the child if he is required to. So, if he beings home 1000 a month, after the deductions I mentioned, you will get $200 of that(2000 would equal $400, and so on).

Make sure you get an attorney, and follow the advice given. Stop worrying about it. He is just mad you didn't abort the child, and now he knows he will have to pay for what happened.

Answer 3

I agree with what some of the others said. First of all, don't get too parnoid. The only thing your going to do is stress yourself out, which is not good for you or the baby.

Second, most of what he's saying is bs. When the baby is born you don't have to list him as the father on the birth certificate. If they ask you, just say you don't know who it is. Only do this if you don't want any financial help from him. If you want financial help, from him, then it's going to be tougher to keep his name off the birth certificate.

Third, yes he can hire a lawyer (and I'm sure his family can afford a good one), but he still has to prove he's the father. If you don't put him on the birth certificate, then he has to take a paternitty tests to prove that. You will also be able to hire a lawyer as well. I would check to see if there is a legal aid office in the city you are in that can help you or refer you to someone who might take your case pro bono.

Fourth, I agree with the person who said keep a copy of any messages or threatening communication he sends you. This could be used later to prove he was harrassing you. You can also bring up the fact that he pressured you to have an abortion and threatened to have the baby taken away from you.

Fifth, if he can prove he is the father, he will likely get at least visitation and possibly joint custody. For him to get full custody he's going to have to proove your an unfit mother. That's going to be hard for him to do. I wouldn't worry about that until the day comes when he files in court. Until then, ignore him.

I probably don't need to tell you this, your better off without him being involved financially. If you can make it on your own, then I would try doing that. It will be much harder, but better for both of you in the long run. It sounds to me like this guy is mentally unbalanced.

Answer 4

I've been in this boat before and technically she is an unfit mother, based the fact that there is no permanent residence, no set income and a history of mental illness. He cannot get custody without informing the wife, it will all be settled in the divorce hearing but unless the wife can get her life straightned out and show proof that she is in good standings with a residence, job and her state of mentality then I don't see a judge granting any type of custody to the mother.

Answer 5

Keep any threatening voicemails or letters or anything that would show harassment for starters. Make sure you have someway to support your child and yourself and just be strong. It's very doubtful that he'll be able to get anything besides just a partial visitation thing if you can prove to be a fit parent. ESPECIALLY while the baby is tiny. Tiny babies are always better off with their mothers, mother's have the instinct that men just don't. I would also share these fears with people who see how you live and how you'll be interacting with your new baby. It's always good to have someone available as a character witness.

Answer 6

It's almost impossible. As a father, I had to first identify my ex wife as a registered California sex offender before winning sole legal, sole physical custody. Short of that, I was flat out of luck.

Answer 7

This is world of womanizers.Women gets custody of child most of the times.

Answer 8

You will be filing for your child's birthright, he or she would want to know that Mom stood up for them in difficult times. Do Not Give Up, the deadbeats must know that they can't get away with abandoning their children, courts have come a long way in demanding support and there are women's organizations that will help you. He will lie, cheat, and every other trick, be strong for your child. It will all be worth it. You could keep a diary of his lack of involvement, those notes are admissable in court, he is hoping that you will be terrified into backing down, do not fall for his game, keep looking at the goal, his lack of character will defeat him. Happy Motherhood!

Answer 9

There's no way he could get full custody unless you are really messed up and a danger to the baby. He will have to pay support and might get shared custody.