I have been married for a few years, total relationship time is 9 years.
Together we have a beautiful 8 year old daughter who have both of our hearts in her hip pocket.
Me and my husband have not been getting along, and I have mentioned divorcing. It has been so bad lately that I can not take much more.
I told him I would leave and we could split custody, with me having her on school nights and him having her on nights she had no school the next day. I told him he'd have no child support to pay.
He says if I leave, I don't leave with her, I leave alone. I can not live like i'm living any longer and I refuse to leave without my daughter. I have made it very fair to leave without having to run away. He had threatened to kill me if I try to take her like that, but I don't see where he is leaving me much choice.
I don't want to wait until she is 18 to move on with my life. I want to do it now while I am still young enough to get someone to enjoy my life with.
Advice???
2007-02-03 11:44:17 · 11 answers · asked by Tljabgdvhj 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your daughter should come first. I'm afraid once you decided to have a child it meant making a long-term commitment and some sacrifices and this may be one of them (putting your life on hold). Stability and a sense of security are so important. It would be wonderful if your daughter could experience that a divorce, while sad, doesn't have to be terrible. Maybe the two of you can sit down with your daughter and talk about all of this. What does she want? Personally, having her shuttle between parents from week to week sounds disruptive. It does concern me that you said that your husband threatened to kill you. Hopefully this wasn't said in front of your daughter. If there is violence involved, then you both need to get away as soon as possible. Ideally, you two should try to work things out like reasonable adults and coordinate the best care possible for your daughter. No, it isn't going to be easy but it so important for you to both overlook any emotional grievances (between the two of you) to the point that you can do communicate and cooperate to provide consistent, loving parenting. Good luck.
2007-02-03 12:01:54 · answer #1 · answered by °ĠיִяĿỵ° 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't have kids until this is resolved. That will only complicate things for you both. You say you are fulfilling his needs, what else does he want. He wants a partner that appreciates him, loves him, and respects him. He wants his wife to be his best friend, not just someone that's there because she has nothing better. A wife that wants to make love with her husbnad, not a wife that just does it so he'll stop nagging at her. I'm not trying to bash you, but by the way you worded your question, it seems you have a bit of an attitude with him. Like you are annoyed with him for something. Do you resent him for anything? Do you respect him? Do you love him, or are you just sticking around because you don't want to get a divorce? You have to want to be there. Don't pick fights over stupid things and don't bicker with him. If he starts just say OK, can we change the subject. You have gotten into a bad pattern and you need to break it and start over. He's insecure, that's why he wonders why you dress up to go to work. He feels like you are pulling away. You can't change him, only you. You need to sit back and really think about your relationship with your husband and why you want to save it and then do it. Then have a heart ot heart with each other. Give each person 5 minutes to speak uniterrupted and discuss what the other person has said. Discuss it, don't fight or judge each other. Nothing will be solved until it is all layed out in the open. A marriage counselor may help too. But you have to want to try, otherwise, I would just end it now before you both invest more of your lives to an unhappy relationship.
2016-05-24 00:45:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, he threatened your life. For that alone, I would contact the police to ask what can be done, and how to go about your plan. They may have some advice. Domestic violence calls are the most unpredictable and volatile calls they go on. Though many women or men do not report threats like this, they should. (Nicole Simpson??!!!) You can not and should not EVER ignore a threat to your life. Document it, get it on file, and I'm sure that will help you with your child custody case if and when the time happens.
Good luck!
2007-02-03 12:12:40 · answer #3 · answered by catchernkeeper 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
File for the divorce...if he has threatened you, you have a case for custody without him. As the mother (which I know isn't fair to all the really great Dads out there) you have the right to leave, to take your daughter, and file a restraining order for yourself since he has threatened you. You need to go to lawyer and get counsel as to how best to proceed. I don't advocate divorce, but I also don't advocate for threatened violence. This is a situation that is not only dangerous for you but is setting your daughter up for having a very bad perception of what marriage is like.
So, see a lawyer, one who specializes in child custody issues, because it sounds like you really need one.
2007-02-03 12:42:15 · answer #4 · answered by dakirk123 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1. Find out how you can get to a women's shelter quickly if you need to.
2. Call the police. A death threat is not something to ignore.
3. IF he doesn't end up in jail, if the threat of violence blows over, turns out to be not serious, then go to the library and get a book about divorce and custody agreements. You don't have to reinvent the wheel. Many couples have gone through this.
4. File for divorce.
2007-02-03 12:24:26 · answer #5 · answered by Wise Advice 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to tape record him threatening you. Start gathering evidence... make sure you don't get in any trouble so that when you go through a custody battle you will win.
If he wants to play dirty then so be it, but he cannot threaten you like this, this is YOUR life not his.
Get a lawyer and they will help you with what you need to do. Usually mothers get the favoritism when it comes to full custody, but bear in mind that you will have to share custody too.
get a lawyer to counsel you and answer any questions you have, most lawyers wont charge anything to have a consultation.
2007-02-03 11:49:12 · answer #6 · answered by yo mama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you been to marriage counseling at all??? If he is threatening to kill you contact a lawyer and get help for this and go through the courts if need be. Go for joint custody but do not leave until this is staraightened out and worked on. Go to http://www.drphil.com and email him and ask him for advice and help in this matter and see what he has to say. I sure hope you can get out soon without any problems. I also agree with lil mama about getting him on tape threatening you like that. That is proof for court. he NEVER should threaten you and your life like that. That is abusive in itself.
2007-02-03 11:52:11 · answer #7 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to a marriage councilor and find out what is going on. If you are committed to this family then do all you can. and has for custody the judge will find the best parent but if you do leave and the child stays behind that wont look good for you as the mother. seek help...
2007-02-03 11:59:37 · answer #8 · answered by bluedanube69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think the threat of harm is real than you need to take action . Don't agree to no child support or anything else unless even if you can afford it. Contact a attorney on your own get advise. You might want to stay else ware if the threats continues. Best of luck Be safe
2007-02-03 11:57:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is not up to your husband as to the custody issues. the court will decide. if he is acting in the kind of behavior you say he is, then he is the one who will not have any parental rights.and dont deny the child the right to child support. if you dont want it, have it deposited into an account for your daughter to use later.. best wishes
2007-02-03 12:53:36 · answer #10 · answered by DEBI M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋