I have been dating a man for three years. We only see each other 3 or 4 days a month because we live in different states. I got involved with him after his divorce had been in place for about 6 months. He treats me great and we have so much fun. We have said we love each other but neither is willing to relocate because of our work. He does not want to marry or further the relationship. I have met his children and we spend all of our holidays together and attend wedding together etc. I discovered he has cheated on me a few times. Even still I do not want to end the relationship. Could his cheating be fear of commitment because we are getting closer? Does this mean he wants out of our arrangement. He has not hinted that he is unhappy. I want to make this work - what should I do. His affairs seem to be pretty lenghty and not short meaningless flings. Could he really love me?
2007-02-03 10:57:35 · 26 answers · asked by time_ready_love 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It doesn't count if you live in different area codes.
2007-02-03 11:04:03 · answer #1 · answered by Abu 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you need to ask yourself what you want out of this relationship. He may love you, but living so far apart is a hardship and because of his recent divorce he may not want to get serious with anyone for a long, long time especially if he is concerned about his children. I do not believe that the fact that he cheated on you means that he does not love you; it means he lives far from you and had the opportunity. Why didn't he tell you himself? If all you want is a good time 3 or 4 times a month then it sounds like a fun relationship. You enjoy and care about each other. If you want more the timing may not be right for you two. I would continue seeing him when you can, but do not restrict yourself from dating others. Good luck.
2007-02-03 11:13:33 · answer #2 · answered by mab5096 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He loves you exactly as you are now - a long-distance fling that he sees a few times a month. You said it yourself, he doesn't want to further your relationship. It is not "fear of committment", it is simply a desire to, on the one hand, have some companionship - and on the other, to still be reasonably free and not have to answer to anyone. He has the best of both worlds, and he doesn't want more. He is being very honest with you. Whether you choose to continue this relationship as is - or to end it, and look for something closer to home - is your call. The ball is in your court. He is happy with the way things are; if you are also happy, then there's no need to change a thing. If you're not happy - you need to bow out, this option is always there for you.
2007-02-03 11:05:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, it sounds like this guy is holding on to you as a port he can hide out at when his home playing field gets to be too much. If there was really true love here, then a relocation on either part would just happen and either would just have to adapt to the change. His affairs are probably because theyre closer to him than you and are easier for spur of the moment dates. If hes having the kind of affairs you describe then I would say this guy may like you but definitely doesnt love you. This happens alot with long distance relationships. Its not your fault totally other than not willing to relocate to save it but thats your choice and you probably have your own reasons for doing so. Time has come for you to cut your losses and find someone better suited and closer to youand quit wasting time on going nowhere with this. Good luck
2007-02-03 11:12:21 · answer #4 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on what you want in life.
If you want a family and a husband someday then hes the wrong man for you. If you dont mind being with someone who cheats, doesnt wanna further the relationship, and you only see for less than a week a month, then I guess hes the one to be with. However, if your relationship isnt gonna further, then its only going to decline. Eventually you two will get bored with it and become unhappy and the longer you wait to end it the more it'll hurt.
I think its safe to say - Yes, your relationship is hopeless. It makes you wonder why he and his prior wife divorced..
2007-02-03 11:15:13 · answer #5 · answered by Katey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey he does not love you. After knowing what you now about him,Why do you feel the need to try to carry on this relationship? You're letting him have everything he wants at the expense of your heart. Let go, please. You act as if you're cheating with a married man. You must start loven yourself.So what, you met the kids, I wonder how many other women have met the kids? You go to weddings together, you are his show piece, to make everyone thinks he's a good guy.Even if you give up your job and moved in with him, he will cheat even harder, if he moves in with you, then he will cheat with people that you now have to live around and that's hurtful and embarrassing. Think hard & try to love yourself. Protect yourself from HIV/AIDS and STDs.
2007-02-03 11:12:04 · answer #6 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably feels something towards you, but not the way you wanted him to. It could be love but he is not into you. Love is complicated but I tell you this, if he can get away with what he is doing i.e cheating and all, he will and you are letting him. He won't commit because he is getting the best of both worlds. You are tolerating his behavior and he is thankful for that. Since you do not want to end the relationship, it is really hopeless.
2007-02-03 11:51:31 · answer #7 · answered by yahabibi_s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no i don't believe he loves you.. at least not in the way you deserve to be loved... he more than likely just want to keep you around as a Friend and someone to call his when you to get together...he has not you as much where the relationship is heading... and that is nowhere.. if you want to continue this you need to do so with opened eyes and a closed heart... and be looking around for someone else to spend your time with.. and when you find him then set this one free... that is why he has all the other girls on the side.. he is looking also.. and his cheating is not because you are getting closer .. i susspect that you are the only one feeling that closeness
2007-02-03 11:06:34 · answer #8 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, he does not love you. He loves being in love. If he cheated on you, he will continue no matter what you do. Granted, some relationships survive, most do not. It all boils down to trust. You have to ask yourself why you want to hang on to a relationship where the man cheats, lies and has no respect for your feelings. I would run away from this relationship very fast. He sounds like a selfish person who cares nothing about who he tramples on in order to get what he wants.
2007-02-03 11:28:09 · answer #9 · answered by Cindy M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yea he could love you but the type of love he is willing to give aint worth the headache. He is playing the role of potential husband but not acting on it. Then you say he just got out of a marriage. The honest truth is he is tryin to enjoy life now. I dont see why he would jump from one marriage to the next. He is obviously not capable of being in one relationship right now so i would let it go until he realizes what he truly wants. Stay blessed!
2007-02-03 11:11:45 · answer #10 · answered by shay80800 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this a Man you met over the Internet? It sounds very much like you are being used, as is this other woman also. He obviously cares more for this other woman but wants to keep you hanging on unless it does not work out with them. Don't be a Fool, cut off all ties with this man and Move on!
2016-05-24 00:40:37 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋