I have had a very close friendship with a man that has lasted for 23 years. We have cared for one another and yrs ago I told him I loved him and always would. For 20 years he never reciprocated those feelings. I have been married for 9 years now with a few problems. In December I received an e-mail from this man. It said I have always loved you but I would have been bad for you. Then another that said he would never turn his back on me, he'll always be here and I Love You. Then he called and said he loved me very much and that he had been stubborn, wearing blinders through life never realizing what was right in front of him. Another e-mail that said I am never forgotten and that he got married 4 mths prior w/out telling me. He said this would not change feelings or friendship. He went on to say he was in his 40's, alone and had fears and then said I Love You with all my heart has to offer. In the last e-mail he backpeddled and said his love for me is as a friend. What do you think?
2007-02-03 10:16:07 · 15 answers · asked by shell 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It is never a good idea to look back. people always dreamed about if, if, if. But all those ifs were not there for you!
I think it is important to face your current. No matter who you are married to. You will always encounter problems. The most important thing is that you never let problems get in the way to build a successful relationship. You and your husband should face courageously and truthfully to solve the issues. Going to church, reading books. Have heart to heart talks. Seeking professional counselling. If the current relationship really could not work out, Then I would end this problem with no regret, before I start a new problem--but I would never look back-- what was wonderful or good belongs to the past--all people have nostaligic feelings-- the feelings of the past--which have nothing to do with now or the future.
Having a man in your life is always a problem-- sometimes he makes your life better, other times makes yours worse, one way or an other.
But have the faith--- Husband is a gift from God, no matter what-- try to make the best out of it.
Have an extra thought or relationship or affair only takes your focus off yourself and weakens your abilities to solve your problems. Do not let outsiders take control of your life and feelings. You take control of your own life and feelings.
You are only fooling yourself if you believe him. He now thought about you only because he has problems in his marriage. If he had not, or if he solves his marriage problems later, the situation returns to exactly before. Those sweet words become meanless. The worst part -- you get hurt again.
No matter you work out with your husband or not, your future should be without the old pain.
2007-02-03 10:55:51 · answer #1 · answered by J F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes but remember after 20 some years YOU have changed.
So what was may never again be.
If feel the need to be friend, that might be pushing the envelope being your heart is now with your husband and life.
Tell him," It is better to have lost love then never to have not loved at all".
Leave it at that, for the good of what is now!
Only you can decide, The door can close a easy as you allow it to open.
Good luck ether way.
2007-02-03 15:58:47 · answer #2 · answered by Bluelady... 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I dont know what i would do in a situation like that.
I guess I would be just like you and be completely confused. Sounds like he is confused as well.
It sounds like 20 years ago, he was afraid to tell you, for fear of getting hurt or appearing weak. Men and their testosterone. I swear.
Now, i think its a bit disrespectful, as he knows you are married i presume.....to just out of the blue tell you these things. These things that he should have had the guts to tell you when you could have made something of it. No doubt something good.
He is still going back and forth and appears confused as to what he feels even now though.
I think I would plainly ask him what he expects you to say about this now. Not in a rude or mean way, but isnt that what you are asking us?
I think he is the only one who has that answer.
I wish you all the luck.
2007-02-03 10:40:12 · answer #3 · answered by Truth Teller 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm a seperated from my husband have been for 4 years. there is now no longer a marriage. we will not get lower back mutually, he's in a courting and so i'm. next step is a divorce yet what's the factor of spending all that funds if neither one people is making plans on getting married lower back. i'm no longer saying we will by no potential bypass in the direction of the divorce technique, ultimately we can i'm specific. i think of you're taking the ex's notice slightly too a lot. I dont' additionally be attentive to why you're chatting together with her. i think of you had extra appropriate relax in this entire "being married" ingredient. they're seperated, have been seperated for 10 years. provide him a huge gamble. i'm undecided what the divorce rules are like the place you're yet i'm specific he might desire to employ a lawyer and pay each form of money to get divorced regardless of if his ex would not prefer to.
2016-10-01 09:22:33 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love my brother-in-law very much. I really love my cousin. I love my best friend. But it sometimes is what I call "the kind that never goes away" and you can't explain how deep you feel for someone, but you don't want to hop in bed with them or marry them. Love is deeper than we give it credit. My heart hurts when these three are not in my presence sometimes, I love them so much. But I love my husband and rarely get that pain because I get to see him, touch him, talk to him everyday.
2007-02-03 10:20:44 · answer #5 · answered by lucki female 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is VERY confused as to how he really feels. He may be having trouble in the relationship he's in and thinking twice about it and reflecting back.
Alone and had fears says it all...doesn't it. He needs a friend to talk to and comfort him right now. Do you want to be the friend?
if so, ............you know what to do.
2007-02-03 10:26:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
for one the marriage you have is always gonna have its problems but as long as you love him & you keep the fight cause marriage is a always fight to keep, nothin you want is easy, 2 this guy is haven problems in his life & doesnt know what he wants except not to be alone when have problems drifts, sounds like one who fights w/ wife then cheats!! I feel he doies love you but as a friend & you there all these yrs. is like a marriage as well, he is confused but keep friend rare to have all this time!
2007-02-03 11:30:36 · answer #7 · answered by BRIAN J R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either he's mixed up some emails, or he only loves you as a friend, which is far more different than you would love your significant other. Stay friends & work on your own marriage.
2007-02-03 10:25:08 · answer #8 · answered by americangurl_28 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has received some bad news, is getting older and doesn't want to be alone, etc. Whatever the reason, it sounds like he is selfish. If you must be his friend, keep it distant.
2007-02-03 10:22:57 · answer #9 · answered by T esira 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think, he's bit selfish, is getting into his old age, & has not been able to get something thats better than u, so just trying to get u for his old age...fears to be alone becoz of his previous paaps. Just stay away
2007-02-04 16:51:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋