husband and lying?

Question

My wonderful husband of 16 yrs has 1 fault..I dont know if he has lately but in the past he has told little white lies and kept stuff from me...1 time i made him promise not to do that anymore but he broke his promise.His older brother and younger sister are Way worse then him..What do others think of this. I dont think he has lied or kept anything from me lately but who knows maybe he has otherwise our marriage is good no other problems

Well yea i did have proof that he told me little white lies and kept stuff from me in the past..Like 1 time about 11 yrs ago he gave his 2 weeks notice at his last job and didnt tell me i found out by glancing in the want adds and seeing his job there and then 1 time his parents wanted to come and stay with us for a month.his mom called us when i wasnt home and told him a month and he told me a week or so..when his mom and dad came i found out they wanted to stay a month not a week or and he said she would call and when they came she said how would she call when their phone was disconnected and then last yr he took 40 dollars out of a security box we were saving money in and way i found out was i was lookin in his wallet see how much money he had and he 40 extra dollars and i woke him up and he said no then admitted and said yea but only took 20 dollars and i told him stop lying so he told me the truth..that is the time he broke his promise to me

Answer 1

Usually people who do that have low self-esteems.

They think if they told the whole truth you will either think less of them or they won't be interesting to others.

If he hasn't done it in awhile.....let it go.

Answer 2

You say "little white lies and kept stuff from me...." You haven't said what kind of stuff, though. I'm very big on honesty in relationships, because if you can't have honesty, then how much can you trust a person? However, little white lies are different than destructive lies. A little white lie might be, "I'll be late tonight because I have a meeting," but maybe he goes to the mall to get me a gift for my birthday instead. Obviously I'm not going to get upset about that!

I'm thinking that you must suspect he's keeping something from you, or he's kept something major from you that's bothering you enough that you've felt the need to write about it here. No one is perfect, but only you can judge what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. If you are suspicious about something, he is the only person who can tell you anything about it, so you'll have to address it with him.

You also said something else that intrigues me, and that is that this is his only fault. Not a single one of us is perfect. However, again, it's up to you to decide what is acceptable to you. Has he always been this way? Did it suddenly happen at some point in your marriage? Did you know he tended to stretch the truth before you married him? These are all things you have to consider before you can decide what kind of impact his broken promise to not do this anymore has on you, or the relationship.

Answer 3

Well if him and his siblings all do it.. that tells me that it was a taught trait by his parents... Parents sometimes dont realize it, but they tend to teach their child how to lie by saying little things.. like "dont tell your mother ..." , "dont tell your dad.." or perhaps they missed a day of school for one reason but say " Just tell your teacher u had a doctors appt." even though it was for something totally different.. You husband along with his siblings have been raised to be hibitual liars.. they will lie about the stupidest of things, things that the truth wouldnt of gotten them in trouble.. but they lied about it anyways.... its definately not a good trait to have, and can cause alot of problems as far as feeling the need to cover one lie with another , with another.. and sometimes.. with people that are hibitual liars, they actually start believing in the lies they are telling..
Now the fact that u dont know if he's lied to u lately or not, u cant just assume that he has.. and be greatful that in the past its only been little white lies, instead of lying about big things..
Only thing i can suggest is every chance u can if the subject arises..to keep thowing in there, that a persons word should be their bond, like with their "vows" its a promise.. and how important it is to be a person of ur word, people that are a person of their word, tend to not only get trust, but respect..

Answer 4

How do you know he has lied - does he tell you the truth later? I say let it go and accept it as his fault. If they aren't serious or hurting anyone and truly just "white lies" maybe he doesn't know how to stop. Sounds like a learned behavior. You could help make him aware on the other hand by calling him out everytime you think he's doing it.

Answer 5

How big are these little white lies? Are they worth sabatoging a marriage of 16 years for?

Everybody has faults. I'm not saying don't call him out on them, but keep things in perspective.. If he's just trying to keep you from getting hurt, his intentions aren't malicious!

Answer 6

Unfortunately, if he lies about the small stuff, you may not want to know about some thing that may be a little bit on the bigger side. Sorry, but I think that he will always tell you lies.

Answer 7

It's hard to say given that you do not say you have proof of anything. Maybe you should just choose to trust him, accept him for he way he is, and quite possibly you won't have to deal with 'little white lies' anymore.

Answer 8

The fact you are asking says you have a problem, what you don't say is what he is lying about.
In order for a relationship to be sustained you need honesty and forgiveness so you need to decide which will be more important in this issue.

Answer 9

You have a wonderful lying husband? Does this sound good to you? Does this make you uncomfortable?
I am not sure what the question is here?

Answer 10

Teach him that the truth will make him happier, more peaceful, emotionally stronger, mentally stronger, physically stronger, healthier, etc. So what is not to like?

Answer 11

once a lier always a lier. He learned that from his parents so the whole family is under suspicion for lying.