My husband cheated on me few years ago. I went through hell, but i stayed with him because we have a family and i still love him...i thought i buried it already. A year later, i had an affair with a friend of mine...it went on and off for about 6 months. Just when i was going to call it off...my husband found out. Now he is furious, and hurt. I don't know what to do. It kills me when i see him hurt like this because i still love him...i really regret for what i did...but how can i convince my husband to trust me again...Is it too late for us and what of our children...i really hate myself!
2007-02-03 07:28:25 · 24 answers · asked by Annie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
would he be willing to go to therapy? he cheated on u and u forgave him for it, so u deserve to be forgiven also. just communicate with him and tell him u realize what u did was wrong. to regain trust it does take awhile just be patient with him, just keep trying with him, if u love him.
2007-02-03 07:33:32 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Have you ever heard that two wrongs don't make a right??? Well, don't think so. Ok, now why in the world would you go and do something that you know first hand, how bad it hurts, to your husband if you love him sooooooooooo much?I don't get it, you can't make it OK just because he cheated in the past, if you weren't able to move on, or get over that you should of ended the marriage then when he was in the wrong, not just get back at him years latter. Good luck
2007-02-03 16:50:40 · answer #2 · answered by D lux 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being sorry doesnt change what's happened. He shouldn't be so terribly hurt and furious if he did the same to you a few years ago. I would hope you can appeal to the just side of him and help him see that you made a mistake as he did. Where do people get off being so upset when they've done the exact same thing??? Its beyond me. Ask him for forgiveness and tell him that you two have already been through so much...stick it out if you both truly love each other.
Go renew your vows. Remarry each other to begin again. Lots of people do this and it might "feel" like a fresh start to both of you. Go on another honeymoon and take him back in time...be as you were years ago recreating the love you once shared for each other. The beginning is the foundation that you've built the marriage on in the first place.
2007-02-03 15:36:25 · answer #3 · answered by reclusive_n_fine 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
It didn't feel better to make him hurt like you did, did it??? You not only hurt him, you hurt yourself again and the kids. Now the only thing to do is to apologize and mean it. And try to work past the hurt you caused each other and the guilt the two of you continue to harbor. Trust is hard to gain back once broken, all you can do is show him every day that you are trustworthy and let him know that you really do love him and that you won't ever hurt your family this way again. I find the cheated on, who become cheaters, more despicable then the original cheaters b/c they know how it feels and the damage it causes and still do it anyway. If he isn't willing to forgive, then you'll have to move on and try to remember this feeling for future relationships.
2007-02-03 16:11:30 · answer #4 · answered by ksueditz 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't stay with your husband because of the kids. You all are going to screw up your kids. They don't need to be around fighting parents. You two need help and if you don't get help you are going to be sorry in the long run. You can fix your marriage if you try but it has to be a two way street. How is your husband going to be mad at you and he did the same thing. That's the pot calling the kettle black. Either forgive each other and move on or divorce and try to raise loving and caring kids.
2007-02-03 16:57:46 · answer #5 · answered by michelle s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two wrongs do not make a right here. I feel that you both need to go to marriage counseling and work on this marriage together to help get past all of this infindelity and adultery in the marriage. You will have to rebuild yoru trust and prove yourself trustworthy again and yes i feel your marriage is worth saving since you are sorry and really regret what you have done.
2007-02-03 16:07:33 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so here's the thing I did the exact same thing as you did. the funny thing is, is that it made me feel so much better!!! I didn't regret it at all. see i got pregnant and if I hadn't cheated on my husband I would never of had my beautiful daughter. I also realized that I wasn't in love with my husband anymore and he wasn't with me either. we separated shortly after, he moved back in because he had no where to go, now I'm back in the same situation I was in before. he said nothing would change , but everything has changed. I'm not happy at all and I won't go out or anything. he has threatened me with all kinds of stuff. my advice is...if you love him work it out...if not cut your losses and keep those beautiful children happy and out of anything that will hurt them.It's not good for them or you!!!!
2007-02-03 17:30:55 · answer #7 · answered by tinybubbles879903 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dear Annie oh my us humans are so so weird .when we get our feelings hurt. it might be. it will take some serious soul searching on both of your parts .first you both are going to have to determine is the relationship save able .then both are going to have to know you cant do it for the kids alone. you both were hurt and selfish in your own ways. you will have to give up those resentments and it wont be easy. what both of you did was wrong because neither of you were honest with the other.you for not telling him how you felt in the first place . him for not loving you enough not to be insecure about your marriage not to even think of cheating . don't hate yourself or him there has been enough wrongs .fix this as well both of you can .even if you cant be married GOD says we cant hate. your kids deserve amom and dad .dont hurt tghe kids anymore please .pray if it is gods will it will work.if not gods will will prevail . god loves you both. good luck.
2007-02-03 15:55:14 · answer #8 · answered by JAYHAWKER 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Annie, please stop hating yourself. That won't help. It is likely your husband hated himself too for a while. You both seem to have some unresolved anger issues with which to deal. If you both truly want this marriage then work on it, get counseling, where GPS tracking devices if you need to in order to know where each other is at all times...do whatever it takes. It you really don't want the marriage, then walk away with your head held high and both of you, please, stay good parents for your children.
2007-02-03 15:39:55 · answer #9 · answered by Brent 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well hello annie now that is a very good question he cheated on you and you suffered but you still stuck with him it had to be the love you both but it is hard for some one but you 2 have either to try or call it quits because 2 wrongs dont make anything right
2007-02-03 15:43:24 · answer #10 · answered by harold g 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont hate urself! if he didnt want to be cheated on then he shouldnt have cheated on u!! why should u beat urself up when it should be him beating hisself up! the way i see it is if its ok for him to cheat on u then its ok for u to cheat on him. cheating is never the answer but if my husband cheated on me id cheat on him and then leave him. if u dont have trust then there isnt much to the relationship. u need to talk to him and let him no that its not right for him to go out and find love/sex some where else and not think u can do the same. a marriage is 50/50. remind him of that and if u 2 cant work it out then it would be better for your kids if u left because if they see u and him cheating on each other then they will think that its ok to do that. good luck!
2007-02-03 15:39:04 · answer #11 · answered by emilybailey1980 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋