Advice on how to have good arguments with your spouse?

Question

Could anyone give me some advice on how to have good arguments with your loved ones that don't end in total resentment and separation? Well, I hope to get married one day and the sad thing is I come from a household of overhearing bad arguments and I don't know how to handle arguments properly. One day I hope to be married, and I want to have a good marriage and be prepared for everything. Arguments is something we will never live without, but I heard there is also a way of having good arguments. How can you have a good argument that doesn't result in shouting at one another and blaming one another? How can you settle things with your spouse in a good and loving way? Please, I need advice on this.
We live in a divorce society, and I don't want to run away when problems arise but I want to face them the right way.
Thanks

Answer 1

learn how to fight fair.

Answer 2

First things first, make sure that God is a part of your marriage. An argument is simply a disagreement. And you are right, we can't live without them so you asked a very good question. The best thing to do when you argue is communicate and don't go to bed angry. When you find yourself in a disagreement it is very important to communicate. A lot of people don't know how to communicate and that is one of the reasons that we have so many divorces. When you communicate you have to talk (one at a time), listen, and understand. Those are the three things that it takes to communicate. If you miss one of those it turns into a bad argument. But if you communicate effectively and don't go to bed angry, you shouldn't have to worry about the arguments. And sometimes you have to agree to disagree.

Answer 3

Why argue? why not discus? if it as to be an argument it should be constructive and help to build your relationship and not break it up, There is always something that we could start an argument about but pick the ones you can use to show love and a wanting to build your relationship the more you talk the more you walk when you stop talking you stop walking

Answer 4

i was listening this week to XL 106.7 orlando/daytona and they had Dr. Rosemblum as guest. Here are what he said about having successful marriage based on his book
The 5 Secrets of Marriage from the Heart

"Hear and understand me
Even if you disagree, please don't make me wrong
Acknowledge the greatness within me
Remember to look for my loving intentions
Tell me the truth with compassion"
-Dr. Jack Rosenblum & Corinne Dugas

This is very true. Understanding is one of the keys to a succesful marriage. My husband & I screamed on top of our lungs to be heard on our first 2 years of marriage. We come from 2 different cultures. Culture clash. We fought a lot and
i might have called him names. it's kinda vague now. but we taught each other to listen. i tried to understand him and i tried to make him understand me. i think that is the H- part of the HEART Dr. Rosenblum was talking about.

Respect is next. You have to respect what he thinks and vice versa. i believe the E- part of the HEART.

Love. When you start arguing, reminisce on the beginning of your relationship, what made you fall in love with him. Always go back to that place in time.

Lastly is saying sorry. Even if you think you are right. When you hurt his feelings, you have to tell him you're sorry. i think this is the hardest part because this is not what we learn from society, from around us; what we observed from other people. One time I raised my voice to my husband, and he got upset. We were talking on the cell. And i heard on his voice that he was upset. So i said "I'm sorry that I made you upset." You have to be compassionate.

Just think of your husband as part of you. YOUR OTHER HALF.
If he's hurt, you should be able to feel his pain.

We have been married for almost 10 years, and still growing stronger.

Hope this helps you with your quest, and be walking with me on the path of the successful-marriage society.

Answer 5

sometimes you have to come to the terms that you are not in control of other people. haveing said that arguments are mostly ugly and can not be pretty if you are not the only one argueing.

Answer 6

best thing to do instead of yelling and name calling comuicate when you both are in a good mood avoid argueing that will cause a fight

Answer 7

My advice to you is,not to get in the person's face,talk calmly,don't treat them like what they are saying doesn't matter,listen so you can be heard also.