I am very desperate for your advice please!!!!?

Question

Hi im 23 and I got married about 1 year ago with my husban who is 35. Anyway I really want to know what you think about my situation here it is: His mother lives with us because she has no other children he was the only one. She is always trying to make make me feel like she is the one who rules there. Anyway she lives with us for free. Now me and my husban want to buy a house and his mother of course will have to live with us. he was telling me that I will have to give him half of the morgage wich will be around $850 a month for each. Now I have 2 Full time jobs and make around $1200. a month and he makes around $6000. a month wich is way much more tham me? does this sound fair or am I just being greedy? I tried telling him that I feel sad because his mother will try to make it like its her house and not mine. and he defended her and got mad at me. If you were a man and loved your wife and made much more than her and lived with your mother would you make your wife pay 1/2 of all??

Answer 1

You married a Momma's boy. Your Mother-in-law is probably going to live another 20-40 years. Does your husband plan for her to be with him until she dies of old age? HE may be OK with that, but you, and probably most women, aren't thrilled with the idea. A marriage is two people. Not three. I doubt you'll stay married, because I suspect you'll always be less important to hubby than his Mommy. Decide if you want to be married to his Mom for life, then do what you know you'll need to do. Get rid of Mom, or get rid of Mom and hubby. Sorry, but that is what it'll come down to eventually.

Answer 2

You're being taken for a sucker.
First there is no reason why your mother in law should be living with you in the first place.Just because she only had one child doesn't mean you have to pick up the tab and work and pay to keep a roof over her head.You married your husband not her.
I suggest you tell him that before calling it a day.
Otherwise this situation will drag on and on and as your mother in law ages both she and your husband will expect more from you.
If you don't want out then tell your husband he going to pay 2/3 of the mortgage.One third for him and one third for his mother who's having the cushiest ride she could ever have dreamed of.And you'll pay your third

Answer 3

First of all, when you are married things are supposed, to be BOTH of yours, not his money or your money. That is something that will take time, due to the fact that you are so used to having your own money. But marriage is joint. He needs to understand that to and NOT ask you for half of the mortgage. As for your mother in law living with you, you need to have your own family, just you and your husband, it will NEVER work if you keep his mom around, he will feel trapped between you and his mom on what to do in his life. If you want a true marriage and you truely love this man, talk to him about his mom, be honest with him, tell him how you feel, if he will not change, or try to talk to his mom about getting a place of her own, then maybe you need to re-think the marriage. His mother should also understand that her son needs a wife, his mom will not be around forever. I went through the same thing almost exactly but i have 3 kids involved. You have to stand your ground on the mother in law getting out, and if he cannot see that you want YOU and HIS family,,,,well...re-think your situation.

Answer 4

Oh geeze, this is going to be a long tough haul for you. You two are married and you don't share bills? He's actually treating you like a tenant? He's asking for a majority of your paycheck. You should have a joint account to for bills and one for yourself and for him so you each can put away some money for yourselves only. Next is good old mom. He's a momma's boy to say the least. You've already talked to him about it and he's turned the tables back on you making you feel guilty. It is his responsibility to confront her and tell her she's living here for free and being taken care of and to not be so controlling. Eventually, you are going to have to suck it up and confront them both at the same time. You are going to have to get real strong real quick if you want this all to work out. Right now mom has control because you both allow it by not doing anything about it.

Answer 5

If I was a man I wouldn't make my wife pay half of anything(but of course I would feel this way) but I would expect that if my husband made 6 times as much as I do then he wouldn't be bothering me about paying half of anything. I think you should suggest that he pays all the household bills, including the mortgage and you pay for misc. things you need around the house including groceries etc. and in exchange you wont make a big deal about his mom living with you. if you can't talk to him or her, then just assert yourself more when decisions are being made, to let her know whos house she's living in. you don't want to burn bridges though and you want to have a good relationship with your mother in law so just be smart in how you handle the situation.

Answer 6

You and your husband need your own space, especially after you just got married!

honestly I think you should tell his mom to move out. She is a grown adult and she should have not problem living on her own. Also she gave him up... not literally but he is yours now, not hers. It doesn't matter that he is an only child or if he had 20 brothers and sisters. It is not a healthy relationship between the son and the mother. Take charge, because it's your life too. And honestly she is a grown adult, she can handle it. She needs to learn to let go. Seriously.

Good luck and stay strong.

Answer 7

A basic principle of marriage is that you choose your spouse as the most important person in the whole world to you. This is the person who will put you first, take care of you if you are sick, love you no matter what.
Husbands that truly understand that make clear to their mothers that their wife comes first! Your husband is clearly too in love with mom. He needs to start appreciating you, or you need to move on while you still have your whole life ahead of you.

Good Luck!

Answer 8

Hi! It just sounds as though you and your husband have a totally different financial setup than most. Most couples put everything in one account, and pay bills from that - regardless of who makes more.
However, I think you are going to find you have more and more problems, sorry to say, because of the age difference. Didn't anyone tell you about the absolute 10 years MAX rule?
Good luck, and talk to him about a joint account. Bless you for housing his mom.

Answer 9

Heck NO!! Sorry to hear of your situation. That really does sound unfair. Since he's making so much more money than you...and he KNOWS this, he should see that it's only reasonable and sensible for him to pay more than you...as your salaries befit it.

Also, he should be more sensitive to your situation; that being the 'heirarchy' issues you and your mother-in-law are having.

I really hope everything works out for you. You're so young...just 23...don't work yourself to death with those 2 jobs of yours!

Answer 10

He needs to be a man and stand up to his mother. You need to give him an ultimatum, it's me or her. She is more than capable to get a job and get her own place. He's married to his mom, not you. Put your foot down.
Why can't mom contribute to the mortgage payments? My husband and I put all of our money together and pay bills, why don't you two do that? Why does his mom live with you? Is she disabled or something? If not, put your foot down and give your husband two choices.