He is sexually active and wants it as often as he can. We're in our fifties. He's faithful which is a blessing but I can only do it twice a week the most. It's more of an obligation for me, with all the trials and stress women go thru. Am I being fair to myself and to him? I can see changes now because he wants more. Help!
2007-02-03 05:54:41 · 18 answers · asked by finding_answers 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The thing is, I've been an "extraordinaire " partner for him all these years and he still wants those "exhibition" stuff that we do! Gosh, I'm 50 & if I do it "like that", I'd be worn-out, dead-tired plus an exploding headache! Honestly, I prefer now the quickie just to satisfy him but he wants things as they are, at our age? Sometimes I think, that maybe he is a sex fanatic cause when you talk to him, whatever is the topic it will always end up into-sex, but in a jokingly way!
I really appreciate all the answers because they are mostly very good. And it also amazes me that people you don't even know can, and will be able to "help" in a way just by assessing the situation. I just feel that, the reason why I see it as part of chore/obligation because for me, it's more of work than pleasure. Although it is really intense afterwards but also very draining. Now, my question again, am I being fair to myself and to him? Am I good enough or not?
2007-02-05 07:28:39 · update #1
Making love/having sex should not be a chore. Unfortunately, sometimes that it is what it becomes between a husband and a wife. Does he always require intercourse, or are there other activities (i.e. touching, oral) may help him without it being such an ordeal for you.
2007-02-03 06:00:54 · answer #1 · answered by Mr. Smooth 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Making love should never be a chore or an obligation. I think you need to open the lines of communication with your husband and find a happy medium for both of you. If your love is strong there will always be a way for both of you to be happy and satisfied. It might take a while to come up with an idea that you both will be satisfied with but hang tough and don't be afraid to consider new ideas. Maybe you might want to try going to the library and finding a book that deals with sex, and how to keep the lovemaking alive as you get older. Just a thought. You might even want to try doing a search on the internet. You never know what you might find!! You are not being fair to him or yourself if you just pretend to enjoy it or fake it. Personally, I consider that almost like a lie.
2007-02-03 06:39:23 · answer #2 · answered by big bird 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Down, You are being unfair to yourself. Sex is when 2 people love,and want to show there love,but both have to want the same thing,not just one. I to am in my fifties,and going threw a divorce,but not for that reason. If you only want to have sex twice a week,you need to talk to your husband,and tell him your sexual activity are not as strong as his.Let him know that it's nothing he is doing wrong,but you just cannot keep up with him. If you have been marry 30 yrs. he should understand,and pull back
Sex should not feel like an obligation. Just be yourself,and be honest with yourself,and your husband. Don't worry,things will be alright. A Friend.
Clowmy
2007-02-03 06:07:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Might I suggest that if you cannot or do not feel like having actual intercourse that you try other methods? Use your hands to satisfy his needs, or perhaps try oral sex. The best thing to do is sit down with your husband and be completely honest here and tell him how you feel and that you are willing to figure out some sort of compromise so that both of you are happy. The key here is the communication between the two of you, after thirty years that should be the easy part. Good Luck
2007-02-03 06:06:58 · answer #4 · answered by truckerman96 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you find it boring? Maybe you two should talk and find out what makes you tick. Find something that he could do for you to make it more enjoyable and want it more. If it's the same daily grind, of course it's going to get boring and feel like a chore. But, talk to him and tell him how you feel and see if you two can't come up with a plan to spice things up so they are more intersting to you too. By the way, twice a week is pretty good for a couple your age :).
2007-02-03 06:03:49 · answer #5 · answered by Groovy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, we're married almost 18 years - husband is 56 and I am 46. It really shouldn't seem a "chore" and I hope I never get to that point. There have been changes in both of us, so things have waxed and waned, but we somehow have worked everything out.
Hope you can work things through - you could just be menopausing, and being hormonally-wonky.
2007-02-03 09:25:26 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well at least he is in the mood for you alot. I don't hear many stories about this. Wow you are LUCKY! And to answer your question sex should never be seen as a chore that is not fair to the other spouse.
2007-02-03 09:28:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am with you on this. But if you have a good husband like I do, then you should try to keep him happy. Just try to get a little more rest, maybe daily exercise will help you. I believe this is a commom problem.
2007-02-03 06:30:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are being fair to your man. If he wants more he will have to go to some effort in romancing you and showing kindness,care,and attention to you if he wants more. For women, in my experience, it is the kind acts,respect,loving caresses,and compliments that make a woman feel sexy. Our minds and emotions are connected with our bodies. If your man treats you like a beautiful woman you will respond accordingly.
2007-02-03 06:13:37 · answer #9 · answered by L R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should enjoy it with him and not allow yourself to think of ot as a chore or obligation. If your not in the mood explain that to him and he should understand. going thru the changes your going thru can be rough on the body and he loves you he will understand your feelings.
2007-02-03 05:59:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋