My kids are living with their dad in another state.?

Question

I just had my 12 year old son go and live with their dad in another state. He moves alot because he's in the military. I am living with a man I'm madly in love with and this has ever been the first time I've been in love with someone in my life. I didn't even feel this way towards my ex-husband. I tried to stay for the "marriage" because I do believe in sticking with it, but if one would is working it out and not the other, it's not going to last regardless. I want for my relationship with my boyfriend to work out, but at the same time I want to be close to my children but at the same time live with my boyfriend as well. I'm not sure what to do. My daughter is 15 and my son is 12, I do feel they're old enough to understand mom is needing to feel and be loved and my boyfriend gives me that. He did say that he would understand if I choose to move close to my kids and keep the relationship with him, but I need to be with him because I'm really lonely without effection.

Answer 1

I don't think that it's as cut and dry as some of the others make it seem. It seems that your kids *chose* to live with the other parent, not that you abandoned them or made them do it. In this process, I'm sure that the children realized that their father was not next door.

I don't see the value in having one's children see their parent as miserable and unhappy, always feeling like their parent is sacrificing for them. Has anyone ever thought about the emotional burden that puts on the children? As if they have to always be there for a parent that has sacrified for them?

ALSO, I am not of the belief that children automatically belong with their mother. Both parents (whether together or not) are fully capable of providing for the needs of their children, and if the children want to live with the father, then they should be allowed to do so.

In my humble opinion, you should have the opportunity to be happy, and if your boyfriend makes you happy, I don't see why you shouldn't enjoy it.

Maybe there is a way that you can make a compromise with your boyfriend that makes the situation win-win. Have you asked your boyfriend if he'd be willing to move with you? Have you spoken to the children's father about perhaps working out some alternate custody arrangements that allow you to frequently see your children. Try to find a workable solution that allows you to meet both your needs and the needs of your children.

Answer 2

Your kids will certainly understand. You are choosing your new stud over them. I am also sure they'll understand why you aren't gonna pay child support to care for them. You can't spare the money, cuz Mr. Spermy has things he needs, or else you just don't work much. Relax, your kids are better off with Dad than with a woman that needs "affection" more than her children.

Answer 3

I think you first need to prioritize the way you want to live your life and how good your communication is with your children. Have you told them you would want to be closer? It also sounds like your maternal instinct has you caught between being with your boyfriend and being with your kids. I would recommend good communication with your kids regularly and regular visits, nowadays you can even do it with a webcam to see them and have a feel that they are next door sort to speak. Try to visit them often if you choose to stay with your boyfriend, otherwise try living closer to them and see what else life may bring your way. Thats the way I see it. If you need more advice, hit me back, that is why they use to call me the kindness guerrilla - hehe.

Answer 4

Honestly, a man will never come before my children.
I have 2 ex husbands that I have daughters with, and Ive been remarried now for 9 years to a wonderful man...
If he wouldnt have or accepted my children, I wouldnt be with him.
But he did and he does....

Now, alot of couples who divorce do, divide custody of the kids up..like the son lives with the father, daughter with the mother, and I think this is ok..if the MOM and the DAD have a good relationship..and they didnt just send the kids off...

Just remember the Kids DO grow up, and they remember it all, they know which parent tried to be in their life, and they remember which one didnt.
Let your kids know everyday how much you love them...Call them daily..not weekly..daily...
Let them know that you love and care for them, Dont ever let them know, you are trying to decide between them and a man, this is soo wrong...
If this man you are with truly loves you, he will join you in your move to be close to your kids....If he truly loves you, he will understand all of this...
Good luck..and wish you the very best hun...

Answer 5

I will never understand how a mother could give up her children for a man. You're lonely? Well, boohoo. Your children know that you'd rather have a man in your life than have them in your life. That is much worse than you not having a man in your bed.

I find your attitude and actions repulsive. And, for the record, it's "affection" not "effection".

Answer 6

Your kids are better off with their dad. He obviously loves them enough to take them. You on the other hand have put yourself first and foremost before your kids and in my opinion that makes you an unfit mother and not deserving of your kids love and kindness.

Answer 7

hard situation.
1.kids should always be with mom
2.if your bf loves you why can't you have the kids living with you.? he knew you have kids.
I'm 23 didn't live with mom since i was 13 and i love her and everything but is not just the same.
your kids are going to grow up and have their own families, so you need to be with somebody to spend your life with.
is personal decision good luck

Answer 8

Your kids are going to forever believe you chose this man over them and your needs over theirs - my parents are divorced and we had a similar situation and thats how everyone took it.

Answer 9

you are letting your desires rule your choices. while you have a right to do that, don't be surprised when someday kids accuse you of not being there for them.