yesterday i called a counselor to get me and my wife some therapy to help us in our marraige we have been gouing threw many problems for the past months of not getting along and always fighting we have 4 kids threw all the bad parts in our lives ive always stuck by her but when i brought it up to her regarding the help for us she told me "dont push me you go alone" how should i take something like that ive always stuck by her threw all the rumors and infidelity accusations just recently i saw a letter stating that my youngest child was not mine which tore my heart up me and my wife have hardly ever spend time together when i heard she was pregnant i was shocked we hardly ever make love its been over 5 months since we touched i feel like shes is in love with someone else could that be why she turned my offer down for counseling
2007-02-03 05:46:30 · 6 answers · asked by Francisco C 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Sorry to hear you're going through much and have been through quite alot of hardship over the years. That must have torn your heart out to learn one of your children isn't yours.
Your wife may or may not be having an affair...or she may just not want to go to try to Help you both work on your marriage..maybe she's given up....If she wont talk with you...or go to counselling with you... I think YOU should go on your own. WOrk through all the heartache you've been going through over the years.."heal" yourself...* It's sad your wife doesn't want to go and that would make me wonder alot of questions as to why? But plain and simple...she is not showing support for you and what matters to you the most.. about your marriage......your kids, your family..your life~*
You need to do this for "You" to be able to stop Hurting so much inside* ..Perhaps then you can focus on what you will need to do , if your wife is continuing to not spend time with you or even make love with you.....ALthought it may hurt like hell, there is no sense in staying in a marriage when two people arn't communicating anymore, or spending quality time together*~..These are important values in a marraige. Communicating & Honesty* and intamcy* TO feel you're Loved* not just a room mate*
GO to Counselling and I wish you all the best*~ Keep on Smilin*
2007-02-03 06:00:28 · answer #1 · answered by friskymisty01 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That you made the call to the counselor indicates you're willing to see one. Whether you stay in this marriage or not, you'll find it's a lot easier on you [and your kids] with a healthy sense of balance. A good counselor can help you maintain balance, even show you how to process grief. Divorce can be a mini-death. It can be the death of a dream.
That your wife won't be pushed into counseling could also be her way of saying she'll make her own choices and not be coerced. She may or may not agree to counseling - or she may decide it's best if she sees one and you see another. Respect her right to make her choices while you make wise choices, for you. [Would she expect that?]
Either way, your kids are feeling the tension - and being affected by problems between you and your wife. Family counseling can help when kids are involved. The kids benefit as do both parents. Just make sure it's a counselor you trust - one you can all trust.
With or without your wife, counseling may be one of the best gifts you could give yourself. Understanding ourselves better makes it easier to relate to others. Seeking counseling is a strength, never a weakness. You do it to optimize your life. Doing this for YOU can help you be a better parent and a much healthier, usually happier mate.
A very wise minister once told my friend " 'til death do you part" doesn't mean until one of you kills the other! Many relationships die - and neither partner notices. One partner may kill the other's spirit without realizing it [or ever wanting to]. Marriage skills aren't taught in school, as a rule, and young people don't know how to cope. Children are born and their parents still don't know how to cope - with each other and/or marriage.
Do it for YOU. Watch for ripple effects. It will help you, your kids and [hopefully] your wife. Future relationships benefit, too. Happier is healthier. Healthier people enjoy life, more fun to be around. Learn how to be happy, again. This is your life. Do it for YOU.
2007-02-03 08:44:20 · answer #2 · answered by innerGist 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you saying your youngest is not yours and she's pregnant again? I would not waste time with a counselor unless you just want to know how to get on with your life. Get hold of that letter and keep it. Go to a lawyer and show him the letter. Go from there. I would also insist on a paternity test regarding all of the kids. Leave her quickly before you get in so deep you can never get out.
2007-02-03 06:07:48 · answer #3 · answered by crazywoman88 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dear sir, it quite common that modern wives don’t take husbands seriously in modern world not only in Europe and developed nations, right here in India (Developing counties) the husbands were once regarded as gods and whenever the wife gets up in the morning first think she does is to touch the feet of husband and pray for his long life! gone are those old world charm nowadays the wife doesn’t make tea or coffee leave alone touching feet first thing in the morning, since she is also bread winner of the family ( wife is also going to work) one cannot expect the same respect. The respect is mutual. Unless you create interest in love making not sex will follow automatically.
In kamsutra, vastayana had quoted that a women has desire (read love/sex) 60 times more than that of men. the men cannot sustain love for more than a minute due to following reasons :
homosexual, fidelity in neighbor hood and offices and parks, guilty conscious due one or all of the above and health reasons.
In shakunthalm, kalidas had underlined the fact that if women likes a beggar/ or leper she will not hesitate to sleep with him!
Indian sexologists of the view that Indian men are not as fit as they were and they are selfish while making love with their wives. they finish of quickly and go to sleep like other counterparts in rest of the world. Kushwant singh said that husbands are using their wives as sleeping pills which are a bitter truth.
Don’t blame your wife that your wife is not faithful with you. Your youngest kid is only your own master piece. Have heart and try to purify yourself. it is my humble request.
counsellors are good but why go to counsellor and wast time and money if your wife is adamant there is no use of of going to counsello. it seems your wife is a s hard nut to cractk. you have to realzie your wife is with for your entire life and therefore try to bring her to dining table and discuss the problems with her. it will definitely help. thereise only Juss christ can help yu to solve this problem. may god bless you. regards.
a indian proverb says that if husband and wife are ready there is need for a lawyer. a lawyer will come and take away your hard earned mnoiney tehrefore watch out. all disgrunted men behave yourslef and raise to the level of pretty wives.
2007-02-03 06:31:16 · answer #4 · answered by jeevarathinam d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Instead of a counselor you need a good divorce lawyer. That women is low down and you deserve a faithful spouse.
2007-02-03 06:01:07 · answer #5 · answered by pnn177 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes.
my brother's wife did same thing and divorsed him soon after
2007-02-03 06:13:48 · answer #6 · answered by rostov 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋