can someone convince themselves that they dont love you anymore?

Question

my bf of over 2 years broke up with me on sunday. its a long story but things didnt end badly at all. i would like to get back withhim someday sometimes.. but he says he did love me but "he ants to try not to love me anymore sine we arent together"

is this possible?? even when we were eachothers first boyfrind/girlfriend, first love, and first everything??

is it possible to convince yourself you dont love your FIRST love anymore?


i dont think it is. im a firm believer in absence makes the heart grow fonder. how about you?

we are both sophmores in college.. and did talk abotu marriage a few times before.

but is it possible to convince yourself that you dont love your first love anymore? especially when things didnt end badly at all?

he is just confused. he said he flet liek he HAD to love me and HAD to be with me. but loved me till he broke up with me but wants to stop since we arent together anymore... i dont understand that! lol ]

but he came over the other day and he had that look in his eye that said "i love you" when i hugged him and was crying.. the look that you see when you first find out that they love you... (its hard to explain(i know he still loves me.

he did not find anyone else. im positive....so dont bother typing that..

i havent talked to him in a few days.. i know i need to give him some sapace. we took a break to focus on oursleves and school for a while. he is really stressed out. he has alot of hard classes. and works 45 hours a week
... so i decided it would be best to focus onourselve. 4 days later he tells me everyhting is over!

i havent talked to him in a few days.. i know i need to give him some sapace. we took a break to focus on oursleves and school for a while. he is really stressed out. he has alot of hard classes. and works 45 hours a week
... so i decided it would be best to focus onourselve. 4 days later he tells me everyhting is over!

Answer 1

Love is a finicky thing and ever elusive, and people change grow apart or feel like they are missing out, especially if they have not had a lot of experience, they want to try other lovers, or be single for a while.
You are young, and so is he. He may be the one for you, or may not. Time will tell. If he thinks that he needs to be apart from you, the best thing you can do is let him go, and do not get your hopes up. You need to be prepared that he will want to date other women, and as for you, take time for yourself, figure out what you really want, focus on your studies and your health.

Answer 2

I think you're under the false impression that love is everything in a relationship and that it is the only thing necessary to keep a relationship alive.

You can still love someone and know that you no longer want to be in a relationship with that person. When someone isn't getting what they need from a relationship, it's necessary to end it before they can move on to another one. After end one - especially when you still love the person, it may be necessary to have a healing time. This may take weeks, months, even years.

So, although you may not be able to stop loving someone, you are able to stop being in a relationship with them and you're capable of loving someone else.

It sounds to me like you need to let go. If you let go, there is a chance that he'll come back to you. If you don't let go, you will go through more pain and it may end finally in anger and hurt for you both.

Answer 3

he may have met someone else. But falling out of love is very possible. It happens everyday, especially first loves. People grow apart and even though one person might not feel it, it happens. And maybe he will explore other people and come back to you. You never know. I'm sorry he broke up with you. The only thing you can do is give him some space and let him see what he's missing. If he feels he still loves you, he'll be back.

Answer 4

It sounds like he is under a lot of stress at this time, with school and work. His mind is a roller coaster. Do as you are doing and give him space. Do not contact him at all. The worse thing you can do at this time, is to bug him when he has all of these pressures on him. Hopefully when things calm down some for him, he will give you a call. In the meantime , do not sit around, you have a Life also... Be Happy

Answer 5

I don't think you can convince yourself you don't love someone when you really do. You can try, you can run away, you can make a list of all the reasons why you shouldn't love this person, you can keep yourself so busy that you think they will not enter you mind...it won't work. You can beat yourself senseless with logical reasons to not love this person. When you really love someone they are ever present in your heart and thoughts. They are the first person you think about when you wake up in the morning and the last thing you think about before you fall alseep. As you go through your day in all the million trivial things you do, you wish they were with you and you wonder what they are doing. You are inexorably drawn to them

Answer 6

You say things didn't end badly?, then that's good. Why not try being friends, if hes not sure, then be friends, ask him to lunch oce in awhile, or to your place and cook dinner, tell him its just friends getting together. Are you going to different colleges? May he is letting you go, so you wont be tied down. Either way, get in a good place, be cool and maybe you two can talk, you should, you were toghter for 2 years. Good luck.

Answer 7

he has most likely met someone else, that can make u feel like u no longer love the person u left. it is possible to grow apart, want different things out of life. but i wouldn't put my life on hold waiting for him to return just because u have a long history together, doesn't matter at all how long u were together, when they are ready to leave they will, really depends what we tell ourselves, because what we are telling ourselves does determine our destiny. men usually don't leave a relationship unless there is someone else that they want to be with.

Answer 8

To be honest with you, I've read all that you wrote and the next one that almost read suicidal. You are so dependant on him and that could be the problem. You catered to him so much until he couldn't breath. I'll be willing to bet, he has told you that too. You almost sound like your life hangs on this guy. You need to respect his decision, leave him alone and let him get his classes taking care of. What are you doing about your classes? Stop waiting for him to call you and tell you , he don't love you. Get on with your life. If he start to see someone else, then think about how you question him about loving you and getting back together. That's enough to drive someone away to another school. What are you gonna do a few years down the line when he graduate and you sitting home after flunking out of college, worrying about him not being with you. His parents would be happy to know, he didn't invovle himself with a person that can't stay in school, because she's obsessed with their son. Snap out of it. ANYBODY THAT CLAIM THEY ARE IN LOVE WITH YOU AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN IS NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU '' DID NOT LOVE YOU IN THE BEGINNING'' Why don't you think about this. Maybe he wanted out , because he was failing or almost failing his classes, because he was in the clouds with you.Buckle down, study, graduate and he might come back when his grades are out of danger. Stop asking him about ''THE RELATIONSHIP'' and if he calls, he calls. If he speak he speak, even if you have to go and hid to cry your eyes out, never let him see you cry. Get strong, stop asking why he don't love you, that's his lost!!!

Answer 9

He may love you forever but it could be a different kinda love.Like the love of a sister. It would be much worse for you if he discovered this 10 years and 3 kids from now. Just stay his friend until he figures it out I 'm sure it's just as hard for him.

Answer 10

It hurts you I'm sure,try an keep yourself busy so you won't think about him as much I know the feeling,but ask yourself "why would I want someone that doesn't want me"? time heals you'll see I know your hurting but believe me you'll get through this as hard as it sounds take one day at a time and like I said keep busy with friends,hobbies etc. you've got your whole life ahead of you remember you re worth more,an don't forget it.
good luck