before getting married my husband and i discussed the fact that i wanted to go to college and also promised that we could have 3 children, the only 2 things that i really wanted in life. after we got married i signed up for college but dropped out after 1 semester because all the crap i had to put up with because he did not want me in school. He decided the next semester that he would go to college. before he had not even shown interest he now has a masters. we had 1 child but it was a fight for 8 years to have #2 we will not be having #3. everytime i have interest in anything he dicourages. i have not had any friends in 15 years. I now have a couple that has befriended me that is 20 years older than me. he says it makes him physicaly sick that i have friends he should be the only friend that i need. He is a school counceler. He wants me to just be a sub at school where he works i feel sufficated. but dont want to live because he is a great dad. the kids don't know any bette
2007-02-03 05:01:50 · 13 answers · asked by pearl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He sounds completely controlling. Forget about past promises. Think about what he's doing to you now and how it makes you feel. He doesn't want you at school so you don't become more successful than him. He doesn't want more than two kids because it takes your time away from him. He doesn't want you to have friends because he wants you all to himself and he wants you to work with him so he can watch your every move from home to work. I would have hit the hills.
2007-02-03 05:08:47 · answer #1 · answered by Groovy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure your kids don't know any better?
Children are amazingly perceptive and pick up on more nuances than you think.
If he is a counselor, then he should be encouraging you to find your bliss. It sounds like he has major control issues.
To be blunt, you need to find your backbone and stand up for yourself. Start counselling - obviously NOT from him or a friend of his - and then tell him that he should join you in couples counselling.
If he is an intelligent person - and it doesn't take 3 masters to make an intelligent person - he will go with you, especially if he values and wants to keep the marriage.
BE STRONG AND FIGHT FOR YOUR WISHES! GET YOUR COLLEGE DEGREE!
But don't have any more children with this person!
Good luck.
2007-02-03 13:10:22 · answer #2 · answered by Starry Night 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You seen the signs before you were married, when he was giving you trouble after the first semester. Did you think it would change. He lied to you and you let it happen. He doesnt want you to live or have a life. I say leave. It can only get worse. It already has. Do something nice for yourself, and get that college degree, before you get beaten down from stress and anger. Then you can have a life with someone who deserves you.
2007-02-03 13:15:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you don't want to leave because he is a great dad. Would a great dad deprieve this children's mommy of her happiness?
Just because he's a "great dad" doesn't mean he's a great or even good husband. This guy is controlling and he doesn't care one bit about your happiness.
Your children are learning how to be in a relationship, even at their young age. They are learning that in relationships, one person is more important than the other. Is this what you want your children to learn?
Get some counseling. If your husband won't do this and you're sure you're not going to leave, be prepared for a life of misery. It's not going to get better.
2007-02-03 13:12:58 · answer #4 · answered by katydid 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You women really upset me. How can he be a good father when he isn't a good husband to you? First of all how could you have sex let alone get pregnant again with a man who discourages you from expanding your mind and you spirit? Who can't keep his promises? Who tries to isolate you? You have to do something. You as a woman can't be only defined as a wife and mother. We are so much more than that. We are creatures of beauty and grace. Eve may have been made for Adam but she was also her own person. I think you need to see someone, a marriage counsellor, something. There's a underlining issue that is not being addressed. Does he think that if you go to school, you'll leave him? He doesn't what to go, you go see a counsellor yourself. You need to rebuild you self-esteem baby. You want to be a good mother, be good to yourself first.
2007-02-03 13:16:49 · answer #5 · answered by kitty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in an abusive relationship, he is controlling and manipulating you. He sounds very insecure and scared. You need to seek out your family to help you out. Isolating yourself from everyone is not a wise and healthy thing to do. You need to sit him down and let him know how you feel. If you are scared that he might do something to hurt you, have a family member that you can trust near you or aware of the situation. By reaching out for help you are not betraying him or your marriage. It is your right to want to have a job and friends outside of home, but you need help working up the courage to get this things. Family is your best help, talk to them, seek anyone's advice stop letting him intimidate you. You are a courageous and strong woman and you deserve the best husband and man in your life who treats you right. Remember you are doing this for your children too. I'm sure you're like every other woman out there who want to set a good example for her children. Good Luck!
2007-02-03 13:20:07 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is controlling and keeping u down, wants to keep u right under his nose, what he is saying is u belong to him, and he makes all of the decisions, that he has all of the power and u have none. men do lie before marriage just to get u hooked in, than it does seem everything changes on us, we become resentful. u need to go back to school, i do believe we teach others how to treat us, by accepting what they throw out at us. he has no consequences here, and feels what he says goes. u having an education would give u financial freedom from him, and it makes him feel insecure. u have to weigh the good with the bad, and decide what u really want in life.
2007-02-03 14:19:08 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He isn't likely to change, so either live as you are living, or change things. Yes, that would probably mean the end of your marriage, but those are your basic choices. Only you can decide your own life. But, it's important to choose, not just float along "for now", Do what YOU need to do.
2007-02-03 13:29:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OH MY GOD! Join the club, you just described my husband, brfore we got married he was promising me the world, he'd give it all, including himself. Well lucky for me I found out what he was really all about real soon, like following our marriage, then the rings were on, my name was changed and all the sudden what I wanted, how I felt, or what was important to me, no longer mattered to him. *** HOLE
Needless to say, I left that jurk, and am better off on my own.
2007-02-03 17:11:50 · answer #9 · answered by D lux 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like me a few years ago.
My ex was just like your husband.
He has a psychology degree, and was very controlling and abusive.
It just seems to help a psycho learn to manipulate more effectively.
You don't want to leave? Then follow his rules. You WILL NOT change him.
2007-02-03 13:16:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋