Is it time to get a divorce?

Question

I am a housewife with 3 kids. My husband has become an anger freak over anything. Over the years I have heard rumors of him cheating and when I confront him he deinies it and acts like he doesn't care and won't give me an explaination. He loves to humilate me in public and loves to see me cry and unhappy. To him I am more of a slave. When something is needed in the house or for the kids I have to ask for it because he says his money is his. I don't want money for my things but it bothers me to know his account is always empty and it isn't because he uses it on things I see, I beginning to think he has someone to spend it on.

Answer 1

Unfortunately I would have to say "yes". From what your telling me he does not seem to care at all about you. "He loves to humilate me in public and loves to see me cry and unhappy. To him I am more of a slave" By telling us this he is a complete self centered jerk. It is Time you confronted him and tell him how you feel and threaten a divorce. He either needs to change his ways drastically by getting some sort of counseling or you need to end the relation ship and I know that is very hard thing to do but hey in order to clean and heal a wound you must go through the painful process of stitching right?

Answer 2

Whoa! Heavy question for this venue. I do a lot of counseling and this is a tough one to just answer in a few words. Have you gotten outside help from someone qualified? A minister or counselor or very wise older friend? That would be my first counsel to you.

Based on what you share it seems that whether he is cheating on you is only a part of the problem. Even if he hasn't, the way he is treating you is wrong and unacceptable. And long-time patterns don't change unless someone has done at least 3 things:

1/ Admit they have a problem
2/ Commit to some sort of ongoing program (counseling, anger management, support group, etc.)
3/ Sustain that commitment for a minimum of several months, maybe years

Anything less than this means you will just continue to receive this treatment from him - and it will probably get worse. Go and talk with someone now! There are a number of free services if you can't afford anything (ministers, social services, etc.). But please - at least for the sake of your kids - start soon!

Here is a website from a group that has had phenomenal results with these type of situations - helping both men and women. See if there are any Life Skills Centers in your area. This would be my #1 suggestion.

http://www.lifeskillsintl.org/

God bless you!

Answer 3

Look at the clock. What time does it say it is?

I'll tell you what time it is -- time to get away from this bum.

You should start looking into getting a part time job. Try to find something you can do while the kids are in school so you don't have to pay for child care. Start setting money aside. Don't tell him about any of this, or tell him as little as possible. This isn't dishonest -- it's called taking care of yourself.

Once you have a nest egg saved, call an attorney and ask what your options are. Most of them won't charge for a first-time consultation, or if they do, it's a minimal fee. FInd out the most protection you can get for the least money spent. Most states are no-fault states today, so you don't need "grounds for divorce" or a court hearing. Contrary to popular lore, in most states, either party may leave a marriage at any time -- the only variable is what they're willing to leave behind.

Try to get all three of the kids -- they don't deserve to live with such a jackass. Have his wages garnisheed for child support so you don't end up having a monthly battle over where the check is. You should be able to get spousal support to tide you over until you can get a full-time professional position. Your lawyer will be able to tell you how all this can be done.

Keep your kids out of it until you've made a final decision, and try to make the process as painless as possible. Stay in the family home if possible to avoid upheaval for the kids. HE should be the one packing his bags.

Good luck to you -- you deserve it.

Answer 4

You had 3 kids in 4 years? (Read your other question) Stop confronting him, why would he admit anything true or not. Stop crying and stop letting him humiliate you. Start acting like you don't give a crap about him and get other interest. (Take up a hobby, class in something that interest you) Something that takes you out of the house (Let him babysit the kids) As soon as they know you don't care anymore they get real scared and straighten up.
Garbage on this "confronting him". You have to act differently to make him act differently. There is no use in actually divorcing him as it will only put you in a worse situation. Start living you life within the marriage, without him.

Answer 5

I would have to say yes, it's time for a divorce but I know how hard taking that step, and sticking to it can be. Especially with children involved and with mental abuse involved. Trust me, been there.

Question is do you *want* a divorce? I think you've already made up your mind, it's just a matter of finding the courage to take the step. Again, been there.

If there is still a question in your mind, ask him to attend counseling with you and go from there. At least then you have the peace of mind to know that you tried right?

Answer 6

Yes get out before he gets out first,,, and leaves you high & dry,, First come to realize that it is over,,, face the facts,,, Next start by finding a place to live, a small apartment,, no lawn to take care of,, then start by putting money away,, a few bucks,, for a down payment,, to get utilities turned on,,since you dont work,, sell things on craigslist,, get rid of stuff you cant take with you or that you wont need,, make the move as smooth as possible,,

start gathering things in the house to set up your new home,, make a tool box for yourself,, if possible open a checking acct,, figure out who will get what,,, the dining room set, living room set,, tvs, stereos, computers,, bedroom set,,cars,,

then find a divorce attorney,, set that up and proceed forward,,, I have done this process,,, to get me and my 2 yr old child out of a very abusive marriage of 9 yrs,,and it works,,that was 15 yrs ago,,,and I didnt have the help of the internet like you have now,,, I had to find another job,, and I moved on,, put my child in daycare,, I know you have 3 kids,, but there is help out there,, get the help so that you can get on your feet,,

just stay calm and dont let it make you sick to your stomach,, just think of how wonderful it will be once you are free,,, I didnt even care if I got child support,, all I wanted was out,, and that is what I did,, got out,,,

and now I am remarried, to a wonderful man,, now for 8 yrs,, and he is very good to me and my child,, take advantage of how your husband treats you and it will make it easier to leave and to do the things you need to do to get you and your kids out of there.

Keep focused,, and you can do it. And pray.

Answer 7

ok first, is there any love left at all??

second, beforee you anounce a divorce to anyone, secretly start your own account so youll be ok for when the divorce money thing rolls by and you dont have tht much left, next make sure your kids are ok with it and that they would move w/ you and not be w/ there bad influinced father who cheats on his wife and makes her unhappy. then get an amazing lawyer b4 you file for a divorc. then have the lawyer set all the traps, and then slam it on hiim. you can see him suffering for a change.

Answer 8

Either he needs to change or you need to make a change. At this point with the info you've given, Im not sure if you have confronted him. If you've expressed a problem and he rejects it, leave. Yeah, ok, easier said than done, make plans and follow through with them, small goals till you reach the ultimate goal, start with a job, end with divorce OR start with a talk and end with your husband Being your Husband. Good luck either way and dont forget, babies know when mum isnt happy, their life can be just as good as you'll allow.

Answer 9

somehow you need to start your own bank account.i went through the same thing.we had a joint bank account everything was in my name.i helped him get his credit back to good standing.we started having problems.i never asked for anything either.if he wanted something i never said anything.if he wanted to go somewhere,i never said anything.he had it made.then i found out he was cheating.we tried the counseling.it didn't work.i found out that he closed our checking account and had only his name on it.i had nothing.he finally changed it back.then i got smart.i took money out of the account and moved it my self to an account.he had no clue.he stated his crap again.i knew it was time to get out.i have my own place now,but he has screwed up some of my credit,but i will get it back to where it was before.work on getting a place of your own and money somehow without him knowing.you and your kids deserve better.

Answer 10

Yes. It's time for you two to have a seriosus talk and if this doesn't work it's time for a divorce. I think he is not aware that you are able to leave him. He is so sure that you are not gonna leave so he thinks he can do anything with you. Show him that you are not a piece of furniture in his house.