I cheated on my husband 6 years ago....?

Question

Now most of the times we argue or fight, he brings it up and hurts me with it. I have a mental illness (not an excuse, just a fact) and at the time, I was not medicated. I think that because he choose to stay, he should not torture me with my past mistakes. I am a totally different, totally faithful wife now. Please, either justify me or condemn me. I just need to know.

Answer 1

You are 100% correct. Yes, you did a terrible thing years ago. He had every right to end the marriage. He knew that, but stayed. That almost certainly means that you aren't some hideous witch. Your marriage was good enough to at least not end. Since he chose to stay married, he needs to give up on the betrayed, hurt, victim persona. After six years, it has be be getting old. You can't wear sack cloth and ashes forever. BUT, while he's 100% wrong, you must realize that for most men, the mental pictures would remain unless a lobotomy was done. I respect that you didn't justify yourself, stated you were wrong, and honestly asked a reasonable question. You sound like you've grown up, and have become a better person. Try actually talking about the crap from six years ago- since it obviously is still in his mind, I doubt counseling would make a difference, this is something he'll have to deal with. Don't wait forever though. You did a lousy thing. But, that doesn't mean it's OK to throw that at you when you have a tiff at your golden anniversary party. You shouldn't tolerate him dragging up the past forever. If he can't forgive, then YOU should divorce him. For both your sakes.

Answer 2

Sorry, but since you are the one that cheated, you're the one that's going to have to pay the price, for however long it takes. If he's bringing it up during fights and it hurts you, remember, he was hurt much more than you're being hurt now. I know we all make mistakes, it's just that some mistakes take longer to rectify than others. As most of us know, this type of error in judgment is perhaps the most hurtful type there is.
Talk to your husband. Remind him you are doing all you can to make things right. Keep reassuring him that you are and will remain faithful. Ask him if he's ever going to forgive you. After 6 years of being faithful, he should consider that you are a different person.
Unfortunately, there are some things that can never be fixed.

Answer 3

You need to talk with him and if you can find it in your heart to try to forgive him every relationships has its ups and downs and I know this is not easy at all and kudos for slapping her I would of done the same but it was 6years ago odviously he realized he loves you and the children and thats why hes still there now. You are both grown adults so get up and talk this out, dont yell or acuse juss talk say whats on your mind and relax im prego to by the way so its way more emotional and tell him if he wants to stay married he needs to gain your trust back and obey your commands when it comes to this because you have the right to file for a divorce but it sounds to me you still love him and when you took those I do vowes you ment every word so you should be a leading example to him. I wish you the best of blessings and congrats on your twins:) hope this helps hun

Answer 4

Obviously he doesn't forgive you and is still mad you cheated. Medicated or not, whatever excuse people have for cheating, it is something that a person can never get over. You should put yourself in his shoes. What would you feel like if he cheated on you? Even if you are faithful now, people that have been cheated on always have a hard time trusting. That is what Dr Phil says.

Answer 5

I totally agree with you on this. He should let the past be the past and move on and stop bringing up the past and hurting you with it... I feel that since you are sorry for what you have done and are not doing this anymore and are on the medication you need to be on then he should forgive you and let the past be just that the past! You may need counseling and help for you and the marriage if he cannot get past this and he will need counseling as well. Tell him how this hurts you and makes you feel. Be honest with him and see what he says and how he responds to you about this. I will be praying for you about this today.

Answer 6

Like you said, he choose to stay with you which in turn means (or should mean) he forgave you. You are right to not want the past thrown in your face. I would just say hey if you can't let it go - then we should either go to counseling or end the relationship. You do not need to be reminded of a time that you have since gone and insured it will not repeat itself. You deserve to move on from past mistakes, and he needs to let you.

Answer 7

i know how ti is to be in that type of situation. even though he's still with you the pain is still there and he hasn't been able to move past that. i understand that you dont like to hear him keep throwing it up in your face everytime there is a disagreement. I suggest you tell your husband how you feel and that he needs to stop living in the past. There is nothing you or he cand do about that situation you two can only work with your futures with one another and if your relationship is worth as much as you say it is then its worth enough for you both to learn how to forgive, not forget, but continue to move on with your lives and not let your past haunt your future together

Answer 8

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but you cheated on him, and he'll never forget that no matter what has happened in the past 6 years. I'm sure yous have had good times, but it's always gonna be in the back of his mind. you hurt him deeply, i would suggest counseling, and maybe a trial separation.

Answer 9

Look lady, our brains have evolved so that we can make decisions. You chose to cheat on him just like he chose to stick with you. Although you might not like it, you made him insecure and now doubts you. While you think everything is OK, he thinks about it all day every day. Almost everything makes him think of it. I don't think a human can ever get over something like that. In fact it sounds like he should be the one on medication.

Answer 10

You made a mistake...okay? We ALL make mistakes, and he has either got to forgive and move on from it, or the two of you need to divorce. You do not need the everyday abuse of him constantly bringing up your past. I'm glad you're better now, and the next step you need to take is to a Lawyer's office....you don't deserve abuse!