how should i react to an obsessive elderly friend?

Question

How should i react to elderly's obsessive behaviour?
i met this elderly men 2 years ago, he was a lonely single man living by himself, i am 24, he is 81. At the time i feel sorry for him so i help him out on a weekly basis such as shopping, taking him to hopital, i also meet him once a week for coffee. but recently he is getting more demanding on how often i should call him and spending time with him. I have a boyfriend and my own life, i spent around 4 hours with him on saturday this week but he still think its not enough. also he wants us to go on a day trip on a regular basis. I really feel sorry for his loneliness but i have my own life to go on, what should i do?

Answer 1

Explain to him very nicely that you are under no obligation to him and that you have other demands on your time and resources.
Many elderly and indeed people of all ages are manipulators and will quite happily push things to see how far they can go.
He has no right to ask of you any more than you are prepared to give of your own free will.
If he resents your explanation then leave him to his own devices for a week or so.He'll soon appreciate your contribution to date and will not look to impose on you again.
Personally he sounds to me like a freeloader and I would not have got myself into this situation to begin with

Answer 2

Thats a tough one. Elderly people are very hard to approach when it comes to those sort of issues!
Just gently remind him that you love spending time with him but you also have your own family you need to look after. Tell him you will always be there for him but tihngs are a little demanding on you right now. try and get him involved in a group or a hobby that may take his mind off you and loosen him up a little. It may cure his lonliness and let you off the hook!

Answer 3

Oh dear....you are doing something good then it backfires on you. It makes you feel like giving up, doesn't it?

You must not give in to this man's demands. Just keep doing what you have always done and if he cuts up nasty about it, then you should tell him calmly but firmly that he is being unreasonable. You could use your boyfriend as an excuse if you feel the need for one.

All the best. I hope this resolves itself.

Answer 4

Your doing a good deed but, you can't go on, unless he's a relative get him into a seniors club in the area. Someone his own age group, you know, people that go out on regular outings.
When he calls you have to be not available to him, stop making his appointments for him, stop giving him rides. He's become dependent on you.

Answer 5

you must let him know how you are feeling and you must set limits. I hope you remain friends. It is very nice of you to assist an elderly person. We all should to a few hrs a week to assist someone who has loss of independence

Answer 6

try and cut back your visits to him,make excuses,like you are not feeling to well to-day,or that you have to go to a friends house as her mother is not well,and so on,this way you are cutting back on your time spent with him
p.s.
dont forget that you are only 24years your life is only starting his life is at an end at 80 years he is playing on your compassion to him get a life and go out with friends of your own age that is life

Answer 7

explain you are very busy but the easiest way would be to get him to develop other interests -perhaps find a lonely old lady or get him to take up a hobby or something - get him into answering yahoo questions!

then again you could move away

Answer 8

I smile at them - seem them interior the interest and smile at them, permitting the smile to instruct in my eyes. i do not provide insults lower back and nor do i react to insults - i wont instruct them that i'm damage/indignant etc. each and every from time to time i do the smile ingredient, turn and walk away, different cases i am going to do the smile ingredient and say see you later. each and every from time to time i am going to assert somewhat sneaky commentary, even though it relies upon on the project and the insult. I wont be impolite, i wont insult and that i wont instruct that i felt the insult in any respect, yet each and every from time to time i am going to make a cheeky or sneaky commentary after the smile in the previous i walk away only to get them questioning.

Answer 9

tell him