My husband is a lazy-a$$. He comes in from work and sits in a recliner until dinner is done...?

Question

He'll fix a plate and return to the recliner. After dinner he places his plate next to the sink and returns to the recliner. He takes a shower and puts his clothes in the laundry basket and then... of course, returns to the recliner. I can ASK him to help out around the house and he will. BUT he makes a big deal out of everything he does. He'll make huge announcements, "I just cleaned the cat box."

We both work and we both contribute equally to the household fund. He spends most of his time in the recliner or at our place in the country on the weekends. I take care of the house, the laundry, the kids, the vehicles, and everything else.

What have you done to get your signigicant other off their butts and into the game? If he can't become an active member of this family it's time for him to take a walk. I didn't sign up to be a nurse-maid for a grown man.

FLORIDA MAN--- Nope, he doesn't even take care of the yard. Our sixteen-year-old son does all of that. The man does work and I know that his work is hard, but he also spends most of his time in that dang recliner or at the house in the country. He could stay home and help take care of stuff on the weekends. I say that and then I think... He's home now and it is SAT, but he's in that recliner again and he's only home waiting on the rest of us to get ready to go to the house in the country. Once I get there I'll have to clean up his mess from the last 3 weeks... It never ends.

Someone else asked how long we've been married--- 9 years.

ALEXANDER--- The kids and I do go to the country house with him. I have to clean up when I get there and the kids have to wait until I've cleaned up before touching anything.

The kids help out at home and in the country. They have their set chores and although I have to remind them to get the chores done-- they do them and they do them well.

ABOUT THE VEHICLES--- If they get washed, I do it. If they get gassed up, I do it. If they need service or reparis--- well, again, I do it. My h won't even drive the vehicles to the dealership for repairs and the dealership is only 1/2 mile up the road.

KISMITT21--- I get home after he does. He is self-employed and sets his own hours, but that doesn't help when he won't pick the kids up from daycare or pick our son up from band practice. When I get home I prepare dinner and start on the nightly chores right along with the kids. I think we'll start talking really loud about all of the chores we're doing on Monday night-- kinda like he does. We'll see how he acts then.

By the way... I do work. For those of you who failed to read that part. I do have a job-- a very good paying job that pays for the county house and pays 1/2 of the bills at the house we live in. He makes decent money, but most of what the kids have as far as their clothing, toys, four-wheelers, activities... has to come out of my pay, because I make the most money. I'm not complaining. This has worked out well for all of us. I just don't want anyone to think that I'm a stay at home mom complaining about the work. Even in that situation the man should help, but especially when the man and the woman work, the man should help.

Answer 1

My husband does the same thing--- well, pretty much, but when he does any work around the house his announcements are so loud that the neighbors could hear them. He'll go around telling us what needs to be done to the house, to include any repairs that need to be made and then sit back and wait. I haven't determined what he's waiting on, but not much happens during that waiting period.

I do what I have to do to take care of the kids and me and I leave the rest to him. I've stopped buying his special foods, preparing foods for his lunches, doing his laundry and making his side of the bed. He hasn't caught on yet, but I can see the wheels turning.

I hope you can find your way to deal with your lump of a man.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Tell him to start taking care of the vehicles, that's not necessarily a man only job, but would take some stress off you. What i did is make a list of chores and responsibilities for all members of the family and i made them stick to it. Everyone in the house older than 3 should be helping out with doing stuff around the house.

Answer 3

Stop cooking for him. stop doing his laundry. have the kids fed and everything cleaned up before he gets home. And don't leave any leftovers to be warmed up. Yes it does su-k when one spouse ends up doing everything for the other. mine was like that where our kids were concerned and the housework. He thought it was ALL my job. he would sit and watch TV and tell the kids to call me at work to ask if they could go somewhere or get help with something. even while I was working he thought I should take care of everything while he sat.. I stopped doing anything for him until he started doing his share, it took awhile but we did get things more evened out. He still doesn't have much to do with the kids. But that's something he has to live with.
and now that they are all older, he is doing just that. good luck, I hope things get better for you---. been there

Answer 4

I would seriously sit down with him and let him know how everything is affecting you. Maybe there are things you guys can cut down on as far as things you have to clean up. His energy level may be different then yours. I had to learn that with my spouse. I am the energetic one. I found that I would sometime's not even realize it create more work for myself because I like things supertidy whereas my spouse is fine with dirty clothes piling up till the weekend. So my suggestion is what I did. Sit your spouse down and let them feel as though they are helping you out. Say "I need you help!" I am feeling really overwhelmed with working, everything around the house, the cars, etc. See what his reaction is. I don't know that it's time to kick him to the curb just yet as he genuiniely may be really tired at the the end of the day. Although going for the weekend to the Country, does this mena he does not take you and the kids with him? That would be a definite action that would spark my nerves. Sounds like you've got one nerve left and he's on it. Be careful when speaking with him not to be accusatory. You can also asks him what as a family yunit you can all do to make him want to contribute to the house.

Good Luck!

'-)

Answer 5

You need to sit down with him and work out a work sharing agreement. Simply stop doing more than your share. When he asks where are the socks. you say 'I didn't get time to wash them this week, I was just so tired, you could put some in the washing machine if you want to.' It is annoying when men announce (brag) about what work they have done. They are only looking for approval. Tell him what a good job he did, and what a relief it is to you, not to have to do that. This will encourange him to do this task again. It is a small price to pay, for getting the help. Read 'Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus' it is about communication between men and women. It made a big difference in my marriage. Also www.drphil.com has lots of relationship advice. Men's brains are wired differently to women's brains. We assume that they understand things that they don't. Good luck.

Answer 6

Men and women work on a different timer. Women have an agenda in their minds for what needs to be done and when so they can move on to the next item on the list.

Men don't view chores in the same way. They will take care of what needs to be done, but in their own time.

This is where the clash begins.

Communication is key. If you both work outside the home, it stands to reason that the house chores should be shared. Have a talk with him, without emotion, and list what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, and why. Then allow him some slack.

That doesn't mean you should take up that slack. Find a book and take a seat for a while each evening.

Answer 7

If he's going to act like a child, then treat him like one.
Give him a to do list of things that need to be done around the house. Some kind of chore list.
Give him a choice, either he helps or he gets out.

Answer 8

What's his reason for not doing anything to help you out? I think you need to ask him this. If it's just laziness, having alot on his mind, being stressed from work, etc. these are things you can talk about and resolve. If this is his definition of a marriage and you don't agree, then you have another problem on your hands.

Answer 9

Welllll, you could either get rid of him, or the recliner. You could make use of the recliner though. So, that leaves him.
Maybe he's into the doldrums, remember the "Ancient Mariner"
Anyway, have a talk with him, he's into a decline from something, maybe a change, you know men do go through it also.

Answer 10

Try to fix him to help you do some house work, in a very cool manner like honey pls could you help me take bath for the kids? he might refuse but you have to keep on pleading him untill he will do it reluctantly.
My husband is like that too but that is the only way he use to help me for the house work.