what should i do and what to expect about custody and child support?

Question

Im a 23 yr. old male and im getting ready to go to court in Tennessee because i was served with papers by my daughters mother ( we were not married so this is not for divorce) for child support...i have already been paying her $60 a week so its not like i havnt been giving her anything and i would do anything for my little girl..i would be giving her more a week but this is almost half of my check each week...because i work part time and i go to school full time....the bad thing is i feel she is doing this on purpose to spite me...she also never allows me to see my daughter because she says i dont give her enough money...im so sad because i miss my little girl so much and i dont know what to do...any help suggestions would be awesome...PLEASE HELP!!! so if any one has been in this situation or maybe knows the laws in Tennessee please help....also i wanna see my girl and what is the best way to handle this and what should i expect?

let me add to this....the child support i have no problem paying at all...i want my daughter to have the best as possible and even if it means me not having anything at all she always comes 1st...ive been paying my x in cash but i have also made sure that i have gotten receipts for it also that i make sure she signs and dates so i do have proof....but she does stuff like when i see her to give her the child support she will say she needs it so i meet her and she never brings my daughter along and then she promises that she will bring her to stay the weekend or something with me and then i dont hear from her at all, then when i finally do she gets all offensive and say stuff like im not paying her enough and things like that and that until i give her more i cant see my daughter...also i have no history of drug offenses, no domestic or abuse or child abuse of anykind and ive been trying my best...i know im not perfect in anyway

im not perfect in anyway...and not tryin to sound like i am....when my x and i were together we were both on drugs and i have since then cleaned up not just for my daughter but for myself to but im pretty sure that my x hasnt...and i do have a suspicion this is where the child support im giving here is goin...but i have no way of provin it...and i figure by time we go to court she will figure out a way to pass a drug test or will dry out before then...im just at the point were im overwhelmed and really dont know what to do...i guess i will find out in court...thx for everyones help

Answer 1

Child support is based off of income. If you are not making any more money now than you were when the initial decree was made, than I don't think she can get anymore.

As for visitation rights, paying child support is not a fee you pay for seeing your daughter. If the court has issued a mandate stating that you have visitation rights then the mother has to comply. If this is the case, bring it up to the judge.

The most important thing to remember is that any accusations made by either of you has to be proven in court. If she wants more money, she has to prove that you make more money now the previously. If she will not allow you to see your daughter because you do not "pay enough," then you have to prove this also to the judge.

The best thing to do is to graduate school, get a better job and lifestyle than the child's mother and then sue her for custody. It is going to be a bad situation, but if the mother continues to use the daughter a bargaining chip then she needs to be taken out of the equation.

Also, don't lie to the judge. They usually see through it.

Answer 2

BBigs,

Let me put your mind at ease a little, ok?

First of all, some women are under the impression that because they are the ones who gave birth to a child, that they call the shots on what the father has to pay, and if he has visitation rights or not. Not so. Let me give you the facts, I'm a former Deputy Sheriff, and also a former Court Bailiff. So I've been in the courts, and I've gone through child support myself.

The judge does not care about you. The judge does not care about your ex-girlfriend. The judge is not going to allow her to dictate what will or will not be done. The judge cares about these few things:

1. The law.
2. The best interests of the child, under the law.
3. Running a smooth courtroom and clearing his/her cases.

Your child support will be based upon a percentage of your earnings. The courts only mandate that you pay the child support, but Child Services handles the actual exchange of money. You pay them, and they cut your ex a check each month.

If in the future, your income goes up, and you get full time work, she can petition the courts to raise the child support. Unless you have an attorney before you go to court, and you and your ex agree upon a set amount. If not, the courts will order the support, and you will pay whatever the state requires from a percentage of your income.

As for custody, unless you can prove her an unfit mother, the courts usually award the child to the mother. And support is ordered. The courts will also, if applicable, order that you pay for the childs health insurance until he/she reaches legal age. Sometimes, in some states, in certain circumstances, the courts will order that both parents contribute to the medical insurance for the child. It depends on that particular states laws.

As for visitation, your ex cannot dictate when or where you can see your child. Unless you are a registered sex offender, have been arrested for child abuse, or are otherwise a threat to the child, she cannot deny you visitation rights, nor dictate the terms of that visitation. The courts will set a visitation schedule, and she will be required to adhere to that. If she does not, then you can petition the courts, and she will have to explain to a judge why she is not following what the courts ordered.

I can't make this look rosey for you, my friend. It's going to be tough. But I told you straight up facts. Best of luck.

Answer 3

You will be able to obtain visitation rights from the Friend of the Court. You can look them up on the Web site for your city (county)

I know you're sad and I feel very badly for you. My ex went though the same thing with his children.

Unless there is a specific reason other than money, there is nothing she can do to keep the court from giving you visitation rights. Your daughter is still your daughter...and your girlfriend has rights, but keeping you from spending time with her is not one of them; unless there is any past sexual abuse charges against you. Then it would be a supervised visit.

I would suggest, however, since you are low income right now, look in your phone book. It has attorneys who are listed for people with low incomes. Just look under attorneys. Since you are not making very much, you could 'possibly' get a public defender. Usually that's just for criminal cases, but these issues in the PD offices vary from state to state.

I'm sorry, I know my state's laws, but not that of Tenn., but I am trying to help. But a word of caution, take your W2 and your most recent pay stub with you when you speak to the Friend of the Court case worker. She/he has to see that you are not lying about what you make, AND...this is important. Don't give your girlfriend another cent unless you give her a money order or a check, which will show proof that you've been giving her money. My ex got caught up that way, and his ex had told the court that he never gave her a dime. That was a complete and total lie; however, he gave her cash and had no way of proving it to the judge or the Friend of the Court. That W2 and/or most recent check stub are extremely important. You also need money to live on. I know you love your daughter, but you can't do without all the time. Hopefully you are living rent free. Good luck.

Answer 4

Bring documents showing that you are paying how much your making and demand visitation rights. There is no reason why you shouldn't get them unless
1} You been arrest for drugs, domestic violence
if you have ask for supervised visitation.
Take to court your pay stubs
Your child mother might be in for a rude awaken because you might be paying more that the judge will require so hang in there and all the best
Dress nice and remember under no circumstance lose you cool do not ever talk to her don't let her make you mad and lose you cool she might be baiting you. Be the big person and let the judge decide.

Answer 5

i for one am happy for you that you have come such a long way and over come such huge problems.

i'm proud of you! school and work... you should be proud too.

you've been paying something for your daughter already, so that will reflect well on you in court. the amount isnt much (and yes, i realize its most of what you make, but on that amount, she still qualifys for welfare).

if she is on welfare, the welfare department will take over the paperwork and schedule the hearings. then when she is off, its done by the child support dept in your county.

at court, you will more then likely be told to get a full time job or a better job. you may have to do part time schooling instead, so that your child is provided for.

its hard on everyone; you, the ex, the child. i am sure you are aware of the costs of things, so you know the 60 doesnt cover much.

todays courts go by both parents incomes. so here is a child support calculator; just click on your state and fill it in. this will give you a general idea what will be ordered. the rest of the links; just click on your state and find the section/info you need.

http://www.divorcelawinfo.com/states.htm
http://www.divorcehq.com/spprtgroups.html

http://www.divorceinfo.com/statebystate.htm
http://www.divorcenet.com/states
http://www.divorcesource.com/
http://www.divorcecentral.com/
http://www.divorcelawinfo.com/calculators.htm
http://www.helpyourselfdivorce.com/child-support-calculators.html
http://family.findlaw.com/
http://www.divorcehq.com/deadbeat.html
http://www.divorceinfo.com/
http://www.divorceinanutshell.com/
http://www.lawchek.com/Library1/_books/domestic/qanda/childsupp.htm
http://family.findlaw.com/child-support/support-laws/state-child-/
http://www.supportguidelines.com/resources.html
http://www.supportguidelines.com/articles/news.html
http://family.findlaw.com/child-support/support-basics/

http://www.ncsea.org/
http://www.nfja.org/index.shtml

FACTS AND REGIONAL FEDERAL CS OFFICE INFO
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/opa/fact_sheets/cse_factsheet.html
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/newhire/fop/passport.htm
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/newhire/fop/fop.htm
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/newhire/faq/faq.htm
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/oro/regions/acf_regions.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cse/extinf.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cse/
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/grants/grants_cse.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/index.html
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/region2/index.html
http://www.govbenefits.gov/govbenefits_en.portal
http://www.fedstats.gov/qf/
http://www.fedworld.gov/gov-links.html

FIND YOUR STATE REPS
http://www.usa.gov/
http://www.usa.gov/Agencies/State_and_Territories.shtml
http://www.nga.org


HELPING SITES
http://modestneeds.org/
http://freecycle.org/
http://www.salvationarmyusa.org/usn/www_usn.nsf
http://www.redcross.org/where/chapts.asp

Answer 6

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