I'm 45,divorced. He's 52. We fell in love, I moved in. Before I moved in he made me believe that he made great money and all was well. He gave his house to his ex-wife, and now does not own a home. He said it wasn't important. When I inquired, he said he would buy again if that was important to me. After I moved in, sensing something wasn't right, began to find out he only made enough to pay the bills and it wasn't enough, he went through all his savings, no way he can buy a house now and today after getting something in the mail, I had to really question him only to find out he owed the IRS money from years ago. He said he didn't want me to think less of him. That is why he didn't tell me. He has serious health problems, now he's been unable to have any sex due to extreme exhaustion for 5 months. I have been on disability and now says I have to work for the $. I knew he wasn't rich, but I am really scared to marry him now. He admits to being self-destructive and feels hopeless. Help!
2007-02-02 19:08:47 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
And I am not with him for the money. It's just I feel he was essentially lying to me about a lot of things. He keeps saying he hates himself for the mistakes he has made and that he should be more financially secure now. I am afraid because he is always stressed out and because of his health, feel more like a roommate, than lover/wife. I do love him so, so much. But I also have to think of my future and it scares me he can keep so much secret from me. I just don't know if these are the kinds of things you leave people over. There is so much missing that I wanted out of life. Now we both live in a state of limbo and stress. While we are very close and are affectionate, this was not, what I wanted in a relationship. I am NOT shallow in any way at all. I tend to stay way too long in bad situations, that is why I am asking what I should do.
2007-02-02 19:13:44 · update #1
well, uh, sounds like you may not want to marry him.
2007-02-02 19:11:39 · answer #1 · answered by j_mang 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh boy- not an easy situation. i believe you when you say you werent out for money.but neither were you out for someone who would be a financial burden to you ,either. my first impression is RUN, but there are things to consider. if- and i mean if- he truely loves you ,then he most likely decieved you in fear of loosing you.he would not be the first person who misrepresented themself in order to attract a mate,even though it is wrong,it is common. he is under stress, so he takes his financial situation seriously.i wonder about your disability though .you are so young.expecting someone your age to work to help out is not unreasonable ,if you are able to do so. i dont know why you are not working, so i cant judge that. if the two of you are in love, then it seems that you will have to find a way to contribute more with the finances than disability allows. he cannot support you,and thats the bottom line. i would worry more about his state of mind, and physical health,which is most likely being influenced by the financial stress he is under. if you love him enough you will stay and work with him to pull through, if not ,you will leave. what else is there? best wishes
2007-02-02 19:48:42 · answer #2 · answered by DEBI M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been on this main issue once or twice in my life. What has looked to be the first-class reply for me was the breakup. That is for you to search a breakup and say YOU want house. You place yourself far from him after which he has to wine and dine you to get you again. There is no ONE. That is a foolish, soul mate, love in the beginning sight children dream. There are definitely MANY that you or HE could be with. It can be a topic of finding any person who is at your tolerant factor. But i might strongly suggest that you just go away and turn out to be tough to get a hold of. If there's no foul play worried (one more lady) and he fairly DOES love you, then he'll want you again, and that is what you are aiming for. He does not want you correct now seeing that he HAS you. Suppose of it this fashion. If you LOVE chocolate ice cream, and it's consistently in the freezer, simply begging you to have some, it is now not detailed anymore. None in the freezer, now you want it a bit of and go to the store to get some. However there is no such thing as a within the store. Wow, now I particularly want it and that i omit the soft creamy taste. BE that ice cream, honey. Get out of the freezer, get out of the shop, be unavailable and DO make some existence alternatives that don't include him, due to the fact that's what he's telling you to do. Good take him at his phrase. Get insulted and get on with your existence without him, and if he desires you again again, quality, then let him show you that what he did is KICK you out of his existence (courteously) so he can still have sex with you till you depart. Do not analyze this, sweetheart. He told you it can be over, now it's spoiled milk if he takes you again out of pity. You are a mature, wise, and attractive girl. You are a good girl and companion and you comprehend it. Don't let HIS insecurities fog your mind. Know what you might be and have some satisfaction in your self and make a existence with out him. And recall, he failed to even give you a hazard to discuss this with him earlier than he made this enormous determination about YOUR relationship by means of HIMSELF (or worse, with some help from his daddy).
2016-08-10 14:56:24 · answer #3 · answered by ladwig 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I were in this difficulty some circumstances in my existence. What has appeared to be the most perfect answer for me change into the breakup. it really is so that you'll be able to hunt a breakup and say you want area. you position your self remote from him and then he has to wine and dine you to get you again. there is no individual. it really is a stupid, soul mate, love in the starting up sight youthful ones dream. There are easily many that you or HE might want to correctly be with. it really is a count number of looking someone who's at your tolerant aspect. yet i might want to strongly propose that you leave and change into troublesome to arise with. If there is no foul play in touch (yet another lady) and he truly DOES love you, then he will pick you again, and that is what you're aiming for. He doesn't pick you on the prompt because he HAS you. imagine of it this way. in case you want chocolate ice cream, and this is always interior the freezer, basically begging you to have some, this isn't any longer particular anymore. None interior the freezer, now you pick it somewhat and pass to the save to get some. yet there is no interior the save. Wow, now i really pick it and that i pass over the sleek creamy style. BE that ice cream, honey. Get out of the freezer, get out of the save, be unavailable and DO make some existence alternatives that do not contain him, because this is what he's telling you to do. properly take him at his be conscious. Get insulted and get on such as your existence without him, and if he needs you again again, wonderful, then allow him practice you that what he did is KICK you out of his existence (with politeness) so he can nevertheless have sex with you till eventually you leave. do not analyze this, sweetheart. He advised you this is over, now this is spoiled milk if he takes you again out of pity. you're a mature, smart, and engaging lady. you're a sturdy lady and better half and also you already comprehend it. do not allow HIS insecurities fog your ideas. understand what you're and performance some delight in your self and make a existence without him. And keep in ideas, he did not even grant you with a danger to talk this with him previously he made this large determination about YOUR relationship by potential of HIMSELF (or worse, with some help from his daddy).
2016-10-17 04:58:35 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not be with someone at his age that has nothing. It is not a matter of money either, it's the whole package. He lied to you and if you stay he will drag you down with him. What you thought was love was only an illusion because he wasn't honest. He is not the man you fell in love with. Pack up and run! Good luck.
2007-02-02 19:18:46 · answer #5 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry lady,But you sound like a gold digger.If you love this guy as you state in your question then you wouldn't be whining about YOUR own security and you would be concentrating your efforts in helping him out through,What sounds like,A difficult time in his life.After all isn't that what love is all about?I cringe at the thought of having a relationship with a women that had your train of thought! "Self self self"!!!!!
2007-02-02 19:31:03 · answer #6 · answered by Eat My Shorts 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would not marry this man, he lied to u, because if he hadn't lied to u, u never would have gotten with him. if u marry him, his bills will become your bills, he painted a very favorable picture of himself, and now u can see it was all a story to get u in there, i would dump him, and don't marry him, u won't have anything in life if u stay with him. and nothing he says seems to be true. u can't trust him either.
2007-02-03 00:28:08 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree w/ everyone else. He lied about his financial situation. he's in dire straits and allowed you to move in. I myself would be suspicious that he's looking for someone to help pay his bills. If you have suspicions now follow your instincts because they're probable right.
2007-02-02 22:53:01 · answer #8 · answered by uknowme 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't need that lady.You marry this man and you're done.
The best solution would be to move on and forget him.You have no future with him.
2007-02-02 19:16:51 · answer #9 · answered by greβ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know the things better.
think wisely and make a decision.
all the best
2007-02-02 19:13:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋