Ive told her she can call me no matter how late it is, and that if she needs anything im there for her...whats the best thing to do, how can i be there for her...and what more can i say to comfort her at such a difficult time?? When she cried on my shoulders at work i couldnt help but cry is that ok for me to cry too?...i tried to be strong for her but i couldnt hold back my tears...
2007-02-02 18:37:09 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
crying is good for both of you- be supportive and strong- be willing to stand by her side but also give her space- this can be tough but you can be of great value to her in her time of need
2007-02-02 18:51:54 · answer #1 · answered by boobird 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can still remember when my sister committed suicide, and it's been over 10 years. I can even remember when my highschool friend's boyfriend committed suicide and that's been forever. I don't know how old you or your friend are, but there's one thing that has always worked when I deal with people who have suffered a loss, be it a natural death, suicide, or tragic accident. Don't EVER pretend it's all ok. Cry with them, talk with them, don't worry about every word you say bringing back a memory. THEY NEED TO REMEMBER! It's a part of grieving to be sad, angry, giddy, in denial, and all through them all again. Just hang on for the ride, and don't take it personnally if your friend wants to keep things to herself sometimes. Just don't let her brother be the "elephant" in the room; the huge thing that's there, but everyone tries to pretend it's not. This REALLY did happen, and it's not going to go away, but it will grow less painful with time. God bless you both! She is fortunate to have a friend who cares enough to want to help so much!
2007-02-05 19:23:12 · answer #2 · answered by Pam B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's just fine that you cried too...it shows her that you care. Does she live alone or with family? Stop by, bring food, and just be there, listening with an open heart. Don't wait for her to call you because, speaking from experience, when someone's in the middle of grieving such a huge loss, they don't know what to do. Better to just jump in and take the load off of her and her family.
2007-02-03 02:46:03 · answer #3 · answered by chnchita 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's completely natural for you to cry as you probably knew him and as well you are grieving not only for your friend but yourself as well. Keep doing what you are doing even if it means the two of you just sit and look out a window together. This way your friend knows you are near and silence can be the best healer at times. When she wants to talk, let her, when she wants to cry, let her, if she just wants to be alone, let her. The main thing is your friend knows you will be there for her no matter what she may be feeling and believe me there are going to be a lot of emotions for her to go through. Peace of Christ be with you both.
2007-02-03 02:46:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it's okay to cry with her. That shows her signs of emotion coming from you. She then will feel like she can break down in front of you. You also have to remember in a time like this there is no wrong or right way to do anything for thinks type of situation. Say positive and help as much as she asks. That's all you can do.
2007-02-03 02:44:11 · answer #5 · answered by Ms.Midwest 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You laugh when she laughs, so it is right that you cry when she cries.
Being "strong" is over-rated. She needed to know you care and you did that with your tears.
Go to the wake and funeral with her. Even if you didn't know her brother well, you go for her support.
Depending on your religious faith, prayer- either by yourself for her, or with her, would be useful.
You may want to read a little about suicide survivors on the web.
http://www.survivorsofsuicide.com/ would be a start.
Otherwise, keep doing what you are doing.
You are being a good friend and doing a good job.
2007-02-03 02:47:34 · answer #6 · answered by Janice M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are doing everything you can or should do. Your pain is real too, but you have still held it together. You may want to offer to stay with her so that she doesn't feel so alone. Words of love, comfort and sympathy are no longer necessary. Grieve with her, hold her and don't worry about crying as well. Your strength will come through.
2007-02-03 02:47:38 · answer #7 · answered by Monsieur Rick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remind her that her brother was a gift to her for each precious moment of his life...as there are people that walk through life each day without ever knowing what it is like to have a sibling. Think of all the memories you can recall that bring smiles to your face of her brother and try to provide her with one each day. Sometimes people do not know what to say, so they say nothing...when all the person really wants to hear is how that individual touched their life. My sister was 11 months younger than I and died when I was 21 and she was 20. There is not a day that goes by that I do not smile and recall the time we double dated with two boys who parked behind a Kmart so they wouldn't have to pay the drive in movie theater fee...or the ketchup and mustard fight, etc. When I see people and they remind me of stories about her, it warms my heart. You are a good friend to her. Hold her hand, look her directly in the eyes and let her know that you know he was special and that you would love to hear a story about him each day because he was someone very important to her.
2007-02-03 02:46:14 · answer #8 · answered by Amy C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are doing the best thing, you are there for her. Crying is not a sign of weakness. Listen to her when she wants to talk about it, otherwise leave it alone.
When a person commits suicide we always have the thought, what could we have done for that person? And in general there is no answer.
You are a good friend.
2007-02-03 02:44:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh boy I don't even know you or your friend and I'm crying just reading what you wrote,You are a great friend
just being there to listen to her shows her how much you care!
Amy may God always be with you ,I am so sorry for your loss,but you have beautiful memories of your sister to cherish through out life!
2007-02-03 03:41:00 · answer #10 · answered by selma b 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's not wrong to cry. honestly in those times of hardship, the best thing is to just be there for her night and day. when a loved one of mine passed, all i wanted was a shoulder to lean on and cry. there isn't many words that can help. pray for her, if it doesn't hurt pray with her. also help her keep her head up, don't let her stay in that dark place. IM me at msstorti@yahoo.com if you want to talk more. my prayers go out to your friend and her family
2007-02-03 02:46:32 · answer #11 · answered by meme 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋