I'm taking a poll. I'm just trying to figure out if I'm crazy, stupid or just in love. I've been with the same man for 14 yrs . Kid wise: His Mine and 2 ours. He was married and divoorced. Me never married. I want to marry him cuz i love him and also want to protect the 2 oldest from their 10 yr absent biological parents. Am I being selfish or is it normal to feel this way? He says he doesn't believe in the instution of mariage and dont need a slip of paper to show that he loves me. i think it's something else. Help anyone?
2007-02-02 18:30:40 · 12 answers · asked by Frankie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
that piece of paper will come in really handy if he dies.
2007-02-02 18:36:06 · answer #1 · answered by barb 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have to ask yourself the hard questions. After 14 years is the piece of paper really important? If it is then do you want to take the risk of losing him by insisting on marriage. You can protect the kids future in other ways other than marriage,Wills, Etc. If he has been a good partner up until now why would you suddenly rock the boat? Are your feelings changing?
2007-02-02 18:50:45 · answer #2 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if he was married before or when you the two of you got together that may be the problem. You need to find out how dedicated he is to you because it is not fair to you as well. To be with some one for that long and not be married is ridiculous. This brings the saying that "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free." You are not being selfish. I think it is him that is being selfish. He says that he doesn't need a paper to show that he loves you but he did it before. Something is holding him back; try to find out what it is. If you are not satisfies then you need to move on and find someone who will love you and your children for better and for worst.
2007-02-02 18:41:06 · answer #3 · answered by michellej 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My first response was I'd leave. Then I thought about the whole situation with the kids, etc. Then the fact that it's been 14 years. The bottom line though as I see it is that HE is being selfish. I still would not stay with him unless he would marry me. I really wouldn't. It's not about having the piece of paper that would prove his love for you it's about doing something that means so much to you. It's also about being Mr. and Mrs. Call me old school but that's just me.
2007-02-02 18:42:27 · answer #4 · answered by butterflylover 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I was once of the belief that love was temporary insanity cured by marriage. I was rebuffed to learn that marriage is a wonderful idea and concept. The problem is we make wrong choices on who to marry. The man you are with has been there and done that. I did it too and I am not in the market to get married either. Your getting married has very little to do with how you feel about each other. It has to do with your kids. He needs to know your concerns and your desire to protect them.
2007-02-02 19:05:17 · answer #5 · answered by Monsieur Rick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you kidding? I wouldn't stay more than 2 years with someone who refused to marry me. I don't believe in the "institution" of marriage, but I do believe in expressing formal committment to a relationship. My husband and I got engaged after living together for a year, and married 4 months later.
2007-02-02 20:10:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Without more information I can tell you this: if he's been with you for 14 years, being a loyal, dependable, loving, supporting partner, a piece of paper won't change things, except maybe for the worse. In your situation I might go to a counselor to figure out why, after 14 years, you feel you need a piece of paper that says "This is my man". If it's for other reasons (legal, not love or emotions), then you'd have to find out his reasons for not wanting to do it.
2007-02-02 18:37:20 · answer #7 · answered by anamarylee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If getting married is what you want then why are you setting for this. Sure you love him but don't you think it's time to do what is right for you. If you love him that much and refuse to leave him then except what you have here and forget marriage. His made it clear he won't get married again. So you need to decide if you want to keep him the way you have him or do you want to go to the next step {marriage} without him.
2007-02-02 18:38:02 · answer #8 · answered by Countrygirl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but I agree with him. I have been married before. But now I am living with my boyfriend that I have been with for over 12 years. He's the one that wants to get married, but I don't. Ive been there, done that and don't ever want to go back.
2007-02-02 18:40:07 · answer #9 · answered by sweetgurl13069 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At the moment you are fine.Can you imagine what it would be in future for not being properly documented accordingly.It is advisable to get married illegally."Does he love you"? You are the right person to answer. Think about it.Do you like to be a baby sitter?.It is only an opinion.
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2007-02-02 18:44:22 · answer #10 · answered by batu5001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats a hard question.. b/c he prob. loves you just afraid to get married maybe he thinks marriage will mess up what you have with him. As long as he really loves you than i say it's ok
2007-02-02 18:37:06 · answer #11 · answered by ashley c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋