My husband thinks my friend is a bad influence?

Question

He says that she is mentally ill because she is a successful woman, childless, and chooses not to marry. He tells me that women like her who do not want to marry and raise kids have a mental condition. He keeps telling me that she is influencing me to do and say things to him, which is not true (it is his imagination). What can I do to convince him that she is not ill?

Answer 1

Whether she is or isn't doesn't matter. We're talking about your marriage and anything that could come between you and your husband. He is possibly afraid of her influencing you with her femenist philosophies which are often associated with lesbians I might add. Often, not always. Nevertheless, you need to reassure him truthfully that you disagree with her in those areas and you will always be there to honour him as your husband and to have his children. After all, that is what you chose each other for and committed to right? Always remember, if he loves you truly and is a good man, don't be foolish enough to throw him away. Honour him and make him feel like a man. It's called deference. If he is unreasonably jealous and controlling, you need to have a conversation about that as well. If not, continued friendship with her after you have reassured him and he's still not comfortable with her at the time, then leave her alone. He is more important than her (should be) and he wants to know that.
He may after a time feel secure enough to trust her being around you and him. Obviously he's been around her enough to sense what her ideals are and wants to protect his family. Stay under his protection.
Hope this helps. I just hate to see marriages under so much attack these days from all directions and all the suffering. Believe me, there's worse things to worry about. Be mature and let this go for now. You will likely be glad you did when you get to your 25th anniversary , 40th and maybe 50th or beyond and it will seem quite trivial. (whichever number applies according to whatever stage you are!) You did trust your husbands good judgment in choosing you after all, remember? He didn't want someone like your friend for his wife. If you have changed since then and no longer want to honor your vows, those things you promised to do, being committed for life, then you have defrauded (cheated) your husband. Think about it and pray about it. God bless.

Answer 2

It sounds like your husband is hearing and seeing things about your friend that you two have not agreed to have as part of your life together. He may feel that you are not acting like the person he believed you to be. Clearly he feels your relationship with him is being threatened and obviously it is since you have already turned against your husband and his wishes in favor of a friendship with this woman. What matters here is that there is already a wedge between you two because of the woman or you would not be questioning this. Do you have other female friends who do not create this reaction in him? If so, than you should wonder if he isn t seeing something that could potentially cause you both great pain. If this woman were to cause your relationship to break up would her friendship be worth it to you? You have committed to your husband and the fact that you are even causing your husband this pain already should be a red flag. Find another friend that does not create this kind of contention between you.

Answer 3

Get rid of the Husband, keep the friend.

Answer 4

Convince your husband that he is ill.

Answer 5

Your husband is a bigot. He's not going to change until he needs something that only she can provide.

Answer 6

Maybe your husband's the selfish one. Wants to keep you to himself. n

Answer 7

You must have married one old-timey man is all I can say.