how do i tell my wife of 20 years that i want a divorce?

Question

is all my fault ,i dont have another woman and im 50 years old

Answer 1

very carefully

Answer 2

Why would you want a divorce after 20 years together? I find that very tragic.

(If you had another woman on the side, I would say you were a pig, and you would be doing your wife a favor by leaving. But you said you don't. So you're not a pig. You're probably a decnt guy, in fact.)

That said, without details I can't say for sure. But 20 years is a lot of time invested. Think long and hard.
Have you tried marriage councilling? You said it was all your fault.So, have you tried getting help for your problems? Have you tried changing your ways? Do you have kids who could be hurt? Have you tried forgiving her?

Actually, forgiveness goes a long way. Has she hurt you? Forgive her. Have you hurt her? Ask for her forgiveness. Do it tonight, before you say something you will regret.

Could it just be a mid-life crisis? Do you LOVE her? Do you LIKE her? Can you live with her?

Why are you having trouble telling her this, unless it is out of fear of hurting her? If you don't want to hurt her, then do you still have some feelings for her?

These are just some questions to consider before giving up on 20 years.

Seriously, after reflecting on these questions, start by saying "We need to talk about our marriage." Then, if you still love or like her, you tell her as much. Go from there. Hopefully, in an honest discussion you can solve some of the problems that make you want to have a divorce. Then consider getting councilling. Do this first before flushing away a 20 year investment.

Answer 3

How many kids do you have with her??? Think about the last 20yrs with her, the fun the laughs, the trials, if you are leaving her for another woman what can the other woman offer you?? Go back in time, Think, she must have been something, she must be something, for you to have stuck around this long. If it is a fling it ain't worth it. Think about it, this is not only your life but hers as well. You both have devoted 20yrs to the marriage, and I hate to see that thrown away. Some young little biotch is not worth what you think it will be, Trust me, too many men have fallen into this trap. Take a good look at your wife, remember, remember, remember why you were there in the first place. Take her someplace nice at least once a week, get some oils or lotions and try it again , and you might find that what you really need is right there at home, where it has always been. Dont run away, give her a break and stay home, try try try try again. (Sounds like midlife crisis to me), Suck it up buddy.

Answer 4

The only way is to be honest. There's no way to ease into a confession like that. You can't sugarcoat it. If you are *sure* it's what you want and you don't want to work to make your marriage better, you have to simply say it. If things have been going badly lately for the two of you, chances are that she won't be too surprised to hear it. You'd better sort out your reasons why, so you are crystal clear about it when you talk to her. And be very sure.....because sometimes you think you want something and when you get it, you regret the choice you made. You might consider telling her you'd like some time apart, a trial separation because you have some personal issues to sort out and you need some time alone. Breaking up permanently is more difficult than you can imagine. Twenty years is an investment in each other, a history that will go with you even when you're apart.
Keep that in mind before you burn your bridges completely.
Good luck to you both.

Answer 5

its all your fault and you dont have another woman? Then why do you want a divorce after that long. Maybe you are having mid life stuff and making impulsive decision. REMEMBER the grass is not always greener on the other side. Surely being fifty years old you have gained some wisdom. Dont throw it all out the window on a whim!

Answer 6

Wow, a real question. I'm 45 and could be in your shoes real easy. I have no idea what I would actually say. It probably wouldn't be a complete surprise to her. We've been married 26 years and you get to know each other intimately. It'd be hard not to know it was coming. 20 years is a long time to throw away. I hope you're making the right decision. Good luck...to your wife too.

Answer 7

You sound like you are going through a mid life crisis and you sound depressed. If you really do want a divorce then I think you should be honest with her. What went so terribly wrong? You can answer that question. Think about it. Is this some decision you have made quickly or been thinking about it. Be gentle with her and reassure her that there is no one else.

Answer 8

Simply tell her..let her know the reasons and let her know asap, nothing is worse then knowing your significant other hasn't felt the same about you in a long time and hasn't told you either..just be honest with her, if you know for a fact that the problem can't be worked out in the long run...good luck

Answer 9

After 20 years?! That must be some crappy marriage. Just tell her. Or have your lawyer do it. Or get counseling to try to save it, unless you two really can't stand each other.

Answer 10

what is all your fault what have you done that is horrible and want a divorce you say their is no other women . if you don't love your wife then tell her .. don't leave it to late.

Answer 11

if there is no one else, and u feel u are to blame, why can't u go to therapy and find out why u are feeling this way. 20 years is a long time and u have alot invested in it, why not try and work it out.