After 10 years of marriage, I was shocked and depressed to say the least. After a week of moaning & crying, I decided to take a look at myself & see where I went wrong. This has made me realise the following
1. I am a constant cribber & very pessimistic about life
2. I nag constantly and pick up every mistake he and the kids do and nag till they accept their mistake and apologise to me
3. I want them all to follow all my instructions "immediately"
4. I want them to accept my suggestion and do only what I choose as the best way out.
5. I hardly smile
.... in short, yes, I have been miserable & made his & the kids lives miserable.
I even attemped 'suicide' & then decided that it would leave a deep scar on my kids & they may follow my way in case they have a problem in future.
Now I want to sort all the mess I've created. Incidentally, my mom was a nagging, cribbing person who never showed love for her kids. Where do I start? What do i do? I cant afford therapy
2007-02-02 17:56:29 · 7 answers · asked by TAGG 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
How do you sort this mess out? You are ALREADY doing a wonderful job of starting to do it!!!!!!!
You are amazing to have taken such an objective, honest look at yourself! You should be VERY proud. I hardly see that you need my help or any ones for that matter!
Looking at all of the things you listed made me think- WOW, this woman has an amazing husband, he is only 'not happy', he hasn't left her. So, he must love you VERY much! Tell him you love him and acknowledge the things you listed in your question and ask for his HELP to change. Change is never easy, but you already know what you need to work on changing and you have a husband that has stood by you thus far. I have a feeling you will work through this just fine. Not only will he be happier but you will too. :) In most cases, I would have probably said, "Get therapy." I didn't say that, not because you said you can't afford it but you are already doing what they would have you do in therapy. It seems a therapist's first approach is to get you to admit/ see what you have done, that could be done better or differently. You aced that one on your own, so you are being honest with yourself and are one strong lady. It's tough to be that honest, even to ones self. On days I don't feel like smiling, I just force myself to do it anyway. It (just forming a smile) supposedly releases a 'feel good' chemical in our brains. It might be true, lol, as I tried it and found myself smiling for real! Good luck to you- you are on the right track!
2007-02-02 18:25:58 · answer #1 · answered by 8 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look at how awesome ur life is sweetie. u have GREAT kids and a GREAT husband. why don't u enjoy this? have a romantic nite with ur husband and start spending more time with the kids. it's not very rare that u see the kids follow their parents' same path. if u followed ur mother's path then what makes u think that ur kids won't take urs? if ur angry and u aren't a good mother 2 ur children ur kids could end up taking after u. set a good example 4 them and get ur act 2gether hun. spend more time with them and tell them u love them at least 5 times a day. kiss ur husband lots and let him no how in love with him u r. the smallest things get the biggest reactions. just make a few GOOD turns in ur life 4 the better. start being a better mother and wife. whenever u think that there's something 2 nag about ask urself what ur goal is. THINK be4 u speak. be the best mother that u can be and set a good example 4 those kids. God bless.
2007-02-02 18:08:34 · answer #2 · answered by Abby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my , you have some work to do on yourself girl, but it is always possible to change. I have been married for 15 yrs , I would have been crushed if my hubby ever said those things to me. Are the things he said true? If so ,I really think that you could use a good therapy to help you and your family get over all the hurt that has been done and also to deal with the situation you lived as a child. I wish you and your family the best. Val
2007-02-02 18:26:03 · answer #3 · answered by Valerie L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
good lord-you already started! you took a good, honest look at yourself, saw alot of stuff that was wrong, owned up to it,and went about seeking a way to change it. youve done the most difficult and painful part already. now- you can analize the hell out of yourself to try and determine exactly why you WERE the way you were, or go about the business of letting go of that person, and craft a new and improved person. i know the psychologists may disagree,and i respect them and their field, but i dont think that it has to be a long, hard, drawn-out thing .changing ones life just requires a desire and determination to do so. you have all you need to do it yourself. you sound intelligent and thoughtful. your family will be very happy with the new and improved you. best wishes
2007-02-02 20:20:36 · answer #4 · answered by DEBI M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look for things to be thankful for. show love..appreciation..support for all the good things...understanding..kindness. .vow not to do anything that hurts those you love. . apologize...go gently...don't demand...be a part of the solution...say I'm sorry and make it right... practice, practice, practice... let your children and husband know what you are trying so hard to do... take responsibility for how you treat your family... look into their heart. . and into their eyes... if you are going to explode and hurt someone... leave the room. . come back when you have pulled it together... last thing.. see about getting on the right kind of medication for your stress level to begin making positive changes in your family... the last thing you want to see, is this pain that you have brought down to them. . being transformed again in their adult lives. . find a loving church.. be around loving people and learn new ways of loving your children and husband... take responsibility for your emotional health...and how this hurts your children. Let them see you are trying to get well. . .this becomes an emotional illness when you are doing nothing about this...causes low self esteem in your children.. which makes them make poor decisions for their lives.. Be the ONE to stop this cyle. . Make this decision NOW....
2007-02-02 18:19:59 · answer #5 · answered by CHERI * 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suspect you are not for real?
You have discribed the problem as if you are the husband and not the wife. If you are trying to get a confirmation of your assumptions, I believe you are on the right track. She is imitating her mom's behaviour. She has a tendency to put herself down as a result of not being appreciated as a child. This autoflagelation reflex is now a profound nevroses that may cause her to have a great deal of problem enjoying the small things in life. She may even have problems letting herself go to a satisfying orgasm.
You have to be patie shitty parents she hadnt and she needs to revisit her past and realize what
2007-02-03 07:01:56 · answer #6 · answered by l r 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Have a video tape machine set up to catch your normal behavior and watch it at night.
Call Community Mental health and see what they offer for low income, sliding scale or free services.
Look into parenting classes.
Check out self help groups like Recovery Inc. or Emotions Anonymous to deal with your underlying emotional pain.
(You have it. Happy people don't behave like that).
Good luck, dear.
2007-02-02 18:06:33 · answer #7 · answered by Cynthia D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋