How do I make my mom not control my life? (I'm 22!)?

Question

Whenever I try to leave the house to try to go anywhere my mom keeps calling my phone every half hour asking what im doing and when ill be home. I don't have any friends anymore and I just wish she didn't ruin my life. Whenever I try to lose my phone or keep it off me, she calls the police and asks them to look for me.

Whenever I get mail, she intercepts it opens it all and reads it.. i'm not allowed to have phone calls..

Whenever I try to setup an apartment or talk about leaving she alarms and tries to do whatever it takes. Sometimes makes phony police calls then.

She says people in the world are evil and I need to not talk to them. Also I am depressed and wish I could have a girlfriend someday but she tells me girls are evil and are trying to trick me into sex, etc.. Just a bunch of craziness.

My life is horribly lonely and I want to escape. I'm stuck here due to work though. Normal people have friends earlier in their life but i'm going to die lonely without friends.

Answer 1

Sweetheart, you are an adult and it is time to cut the apron strings. Tell your mother that you need your own space and move. Initially, she will probably be devastated, but she will get over it. Good luck.

Answer 2

First of all, why is it that your work has you trapped there? Surely you could find a job in another city, more specifically another city that's in another state!! Your mother seems nuttier then mine is. What she's doing is definitely not normal and it doesn't look like it will stop unless you make it stop. Unfortunately I only see one way for you to do this, given the circumstances, and that would be to take your next paycheck and leave town. Pack what you absolutely must take with you, and put it in your trunk when she's asleep, then the next day go pick up your check and don't come back.

However, I would stop at a payphone once you're about two counties away and call her, but make it quick or else she'll try to put you on a guilt trip that will bring you back home. Just call and tell her that you're fine but you're leaving so you can have a life, then hang up.

Ok, maybe I"m being just a bit drastic here, but if she's really as bad as you say, then drastic might be necassary. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Well honey a lot of the people in the world are evil and your mother is worried and scared for you.

You may not have friends because of you and not your mother. You need to find friends that are understand with the way your mother is.

Your 22, if you want to move out then MOVE OUT. I dought there is anything your mother can do to stop you.

Why dont you try calling her when you go out. That might put her mind at ease. Show her that you understand her fears and you are trying to help her see that you are fine and being safe when you leave the house.

Why are you stuck due to work.? Is she your ride. ? Then get a car of your
own.

My father would tell me that if I did not want him reading my mail then I should get my own house and my own mail box. Have you thought about a p.o. box?

You say you have a cell phone then use that when you are getting a phone call.

Answer 4

If u want ur own space and u need privacy, then why r u still living there? U r an adult, and u shouldn't be living with ur mother. She will be very upset when she finds out that ur moving, but she can't expect u 2 hang around all of ur life. U have 2 move from home now, cuz that's part of growing up. Tell her that u love her and always will but that u need 2 move out, cuz ur an adult. Ur not going 2 die lonely without friends if u move out, anyways. If u just won't move out and it's out of the question, then set boundaries with ur mother. Tell her that u need ur privacy, and u don't want her going thru ur things. By the way, u asked 4 all this when u decided 2 still live with her. Her going thru ur mail and thinking bad things about people is normal. She's ur mother, and she just wants 2 protect u from "evil" things. God bless.

Answer 5

It sounds as though your mom does not have a social life, and her life revolves around you. Since your birth, you are all she's ever known.

You need to cut loose and get your own place. Let her freak, let her call the police to report you missing (cuz obviously you're not missing), let her call your cell phone 100 times (just calmly answer and say you're busy), etc.

If you don't feed into her madness, she will eventually learn that her behavior is not keeping you there with her and you will have broken away from her and started to finally live your own life.

Although I would suggest not leaving a forwarding address. At best for now, get a P.O. box and have your mail sent there so she can't intercept anymore.

Answer 6

I believe your mom is trying to keep you attached to her side, which deprives you of your own life. It seems she is saying things that would make you untrusting, unhappy, and so rudly intruded on. . your mother sounds as though she is mentally unstable, is unreasonable, and I believe that she may need mental health intervention. Her actions are very disrespectful of you, and I feel you could gain much happiness by finding a way to move away into the adult world, into your own place, or to room with a student, or someone about your own age. You are an adult and no other adulots has the right to demand anything from you, get into your privacy, or interfere with the quality and stability of your life, that you have every right to. If your mother is not stable enough to honor you and respect you, I feel you must move to a place where she can't involve you in her crazy making world, where she tries to hold you back, starving for life, so that she can't keep you tied to her apron strings and in her crazy world. Your life is precious, and yours. . don't let anyone steal this from you.

Answer 7

your mom doesn't sound like a good person at all. you are 22 and can make your own decisions. Sometimes living at home at 22 in America is ok if you are in school or saving money, something. But this is America. We move out if we have $7 in our pockets as Jimmy Kimmel says. Funny but not always such a good idea if you are immature or financially incapable of this. But in your case? Heck yes I'd move. She is not allowing you to have a life. She has mental issues.

Answer 8

Your Mother has some issues as you obviously know, you need to move out or it sounds like you'll never have your own life. In the mean time you need to set her down and tell her you love her and appreciate her concerns but your old enough to make your own decisions and mistakes and she needs to trust you, is your Father not in your life? That could be part of the problem depending on why he isn't. You could also recommend she and you go to counseling together, they could help her with the understanding and adjustment of you getting your own life.

Answer 9

Its pretty clear that Mom is emotionally ill. You need to get away from her, and you need some counselling.

Move out. Don't tell her that you're going, just find a place and go. Consider getting a job in another city, preferably across the country.

If you are 22, the police should not be coming out after you when she calls them. If they show up at your new place, tell them that you simply do not want to go home. They can't make you go.

Answer 10

First of all you have to understand your mother will always be your mother and she is trying to look over you....but there is a limit to this. If you think she has gone crazy and am sorry but from what it sounds it has...try to get her some help ASAP! Doing this will not only help her but you as well. Also move out...when you think you are ready and if you are having emotional issues you might want to look into getting help as well.