ok...ive been with him for over two years...at first it was great...he is my first love...we have been living together for almost 2 years. soon after we moved in he began to get VERY jealous of where i went or who i talked to. Then he pushed me and threw me down. I know i kindof egged him on but i was upset that he was accusing me of cheating or whatever. He has done alot of bad things to me like choked me and slapped me...he grabs me ALOT..sometimes when hes mad and sometime just like grabbing my chest or slapping my butt i tell him its annoying but he has never stopped. He also talks about my family..but his is really mean to me so ive said things about them also. But my family does more for him than his ever has. its wierd though b/c he will walk to my job in zero degree weather to bring me a coffee...if i ask him to grab me a snack he doesnt think twice..he always wants to spend his little bit of $ on me and shares EVERYTHING with me...please helpifthis has ever happend to u thanx
2007-02-02 16:46:14 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
he also lies ALOT and cries when he hits me but i just cant seem to get the courage to leave...i think its because of his good qualities and i feel bad for how bad his life was growing up..i dont know..i guess any advice is good advice at this point..thanks in advance
2007-02-02 16:47:28 · update #1
thank you everyone..the thing is i know i have to leave..its just so HARD-god..i think im just trying to hear it from other people...people who dont know me...and lukas_thank you...that sounds just like him..thanks again everyone ;0)
2007-02-02 17:00:52 · update #2
There are only 2 ways out of an abusive relationship.
1. You pack your bags and move out.
2. Someone puts you in a body bag and they carry you out.
God help you to find the strength to pack your things and leave, and NEVER look back. If he hit you once, he will hit you again and again. Each time it will get worse. Sure he apologizes now, but one day he won't. One day the hitting will not satisfy him. RUN while you still can!
2007-02-02 17:27:59 · answer #1 · answered by LMnandez 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, I've been exactly here. Was with a guy who was my first real love, and he was always really nice, always buying me things despite the fact he had little money... but he was the same with the controlling behaviour. It started with just silly little things like you described - grabbing me or rubbing my back till it hurt, that kind of thing and eventually escalated once we were living together into him wanting to know my ever move, being jealous of other guys around me, and one night we were having a fight about another guy when he hit me. I felt as though I'd encouraged it a bit too, but it never makes it right, and I left that night.
He will never change. It will only get worse, and the longer you put up with it, the harder it becomes to leave. I kept thinking "I've been with him so long now, it can't be that bad, maybe I'm just imagining it" but once I left it all became so much clearer and I was definitely glad I had and I realised it would have been harder and harder to do as time went on.
Immediately after we broke up he went running home to mommy, and WITHIN A WEEK he was with another girl with the same name as me and treating her exactly the same.... they don't change, it's time to get away NOW.
2007-02-02 16:55:43 · answer #2 · answered by RIffRaffMama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave the man. I was with the father of my two children for 5 1/2 years and he was abusive. Not at first. He was abusive and accused me of cheating because he himself was cheating. I'm not implying that your man is cheating although he might be. Mine cried too. My thing was this: Dont' feel bad about it now and then turn around tomorrow and hit me again. If he was really all that remorseful about putting his hands on you, he wouldn't do it again. If he really loves you, he'll get counseling and stop being abusive, if not then it was his loss, not yours. You have to realize that you deserve better. I know how you feel and everyone on yahoo ansers can tell you yo leave him but if you're in love and not ready, you're not going to. All my friends told me to leave the fater of my kids, especially when they saw me with black eyes and busted lips but I stayed until the day he beat me unconscience. It was at that point I had enough. Be careful.
2007-02-02 16:58:10 · answer #3 · answered by ladystarrchild107 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have got to think more of yourself than you do of his "cries" after hitting you or abusing you. All of the apologies and cries do not mean a thing unless he vows to never do it again and actually does not. If he is not willing to attend counseling for his obvious issues you need to leave. He will get accustomed to you constantly staying and eventually feel as though it is ok. IT IS NOT OK
2007-02-02 16:55:12 · answer #4 · answered by denise p 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This young man has a lot of problems that are not going to just go away. If you continue to be his whipping post, he will never know enough or NEED to confront them. He may have quite a lot of sweetness in him, and that will survive after he oivercomes his problems. But being abused because you feel sorry for him is not going to work. You can remove yourself to safety and self respect and still "be there" for him. Best of luck.
2007-02-02 16:57:12 · answer #5 · answered by and_y_knot 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you stay with this guy your in for a lot of hurt. I can tell you from experience that the abuse will only get worse as time goes on. I hope you'll re-think this relationship and what ever you do don't bring any children into it, they'll suffer more (emotionally) than you can imagine.
2007-02-02 16:50:32 · answer #6 · answered by Just Me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey - you focus on the subject of abuse and then you drift off into other topics - classic sign of denyal. You ARE in an abusive relationship - get a clue... if you have to ask, then in your heart you know. People in healthy relationships don't ask these questions. Do me a favor and go to the Myspace website of The Posies and listen to the song entiled "Could he treat you better". Then you decide hon.
2007-02-02 16:51:04 · answer #7 · answered by Manatee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter how sweet he is to you sometimes, what he is doing is abuse. If you don't leave him now when will you leave. It may get worse. Take this from someone who has seen it with her own eyes. I watched my step- dad abuse my mother on more than one occasion. Both physically and verbally. I think the best solution is to get out. I hope you make the right choice.
2007-02-02 16:53:29 · answer #8 · answered by butterflykisses_1897 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, as sad as it is to face it:
It's abuse.
Abuse overcomes his good qualities in this case. You simply leave. It's all you can do. Just get a restraining order if you have to! Do you really want this for the rest of your life? Leave the man. He's not worth it.
2007-02-02 16:50:31 · answer #9 · answered by KMChickk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is what everybody at your work thinks. What a nice guy to bring her coffee and snacks to work for her. But behind closed doors he's abusive. It's just his way of covering for himself. Who would ever believe that such a nice guy would gave you that black eye. So I say, they're not good qualities, they're just cover ups.
2007-02-02 16:52:08 · answer #10 · answered by Tasha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋