Found out husband cheated with an friend.Do i being a christian give him an another chance?

Question

My husband&I have been married for 4yrs&together for 7.I have 2admit I cheated at first&got pregnant&wasn't sure who's da father.I was women enuf 2tell him da truth,he choose 2stay with me&have been a father 2 him&my other 2kids.When he found out that he wasn't da dad he was very hurt.I think that has alot 2do with his cheating.I'm not taking up 4him bcuz I know wrong is wrong.I've giving him many other chances 2prove he wants 2be married but steadily cheat,the last thing was he got sum1 pregnant,not his but willing 2work it out.Just found outbout da friend.I have da right 4a divorce&no I am not da kind of woman thats love sick or can't live w\o him.But knowing I made a vow 2God 4better or 4worse,how do I continue 2have faith in this marriage?He's a good man who's made bad choices in life,that all people have made.Now with us having our own child 2gether,I dont want 2take da easy way&run away.I do feel that this is a test from God&work thru these trials 4 the better,or could I be wrong

Answer 1

here's how i feel about cheating. his penis was inside someone else, and they could get pregnant, or have disease, i couldn't live with that. but he gave you a chance. why are you still together if you are both steppin out?

Answer 2

It might be that the two of you need to sit down and decide together if you want to make a go of this. If yes, it needs to be with the understanding up front that neither of you cheat. Part of the conversation also needs to be about what each of you are (or were, in your case) looking for when you cheat. What is it that each of you need from the other that maybe you haven't shared yet?

If you didn't have kids in the picture, I'd be among those who suggest you split up. But you do have kids. And it sounds like you're saying he is a good father. I think the kids have a stake in this whole thing; it's not just about you and him.

Try to hold it together for the kids by setting new ground rules for yourselves. Maybe there's an older married couple who both of you know and respect. You might seek them out for guidance.

Answer 3

Leave him, Leave him, Leave him. It's one thing to make a mistake or temporarily lose sight of what's important to you in life,but you said he cheats repeatedly. You feel like well you cheated first and got pregnant and he forgave you and stuck with you so you cant possibly leave him for the same thing. Wrong. See, he's slick as hell he knows you feel this way so he's using it against you. Holding it over your head. He may not say it, but oh believe me he knows exactly what he's doing. You did it once, you made a mistake, he keeps doing it. What happens when he brings you a disease. Something you can't cure. You've got to grow up and realize it ain't about just you and him anymore, you got kids you have to set an example for and even more than that you have you be around for and in good health. Leave him, the get an AIDS test.

Answer 4

Sounds like to me you answered your own question. I mean, you said he is a good man, and you made a vow, not only to each other but to God. I have had trouble in my marriage and have taken the problems to God and He makes a way, some how, always. Get the book by Stormie Omartin called "The Prayers of a Praying Wife", it has helped me when I though I had no other way to go, or way out, between this book and Gods word, you will find the answers you want and need. Be blessed

Answer 5

You say you are a christian and you vow to God. Read the bible about breaking a vow to God.The bible says It's better not to vow then to make a vow and break it. The bible also say you are not to put a spouse away unless they commit fornication. Well if you're married, how can you commit fornication? That word in the Greek means ''sexual immorality''. It goes on to say you can divorce them or you can choose to stay with them. I believe God would have us to stand and work our problems out, otherwise God wouldn't have said forgive man 70 x 7 ''A-DAY''. You know how to pray and watch God turn this thing around for you. Most people say '' once a cheater always a cheater''. Not if they have God in their heart.God is love. I don't think he would test you on something that would cause you pain and break your family up. The thing that I see... is it being a trail to get your eyes off of God. Refocus on God and not the cheating, because you have cheated too and you do know ''what goes around, comes back around''. Tell God thank you for your trails and tribulations and begin to pray for your husband to find God as his savior.

Answer 6

I think you need to look on how you treat your husband and not the other way around. In any relationship, whether with a man or a friend, you get what you give. If you want your marriage not only to survive, but to be good, you need to show him every day how much you love him and respect him. I think it's fantastic that he stays with you and raises another man's child as his own, and I think you need to tell him and show him that few men would have done the same. What's his best sides? What's he good at? Remember to focus on that, show him that you really appreciate these qualities. You both did a mistake and I think the best way to get over it is to focus on what's good in your marriage. And you're the one that will start!
My best wishes to you

Answer 7

First, I love you for your honesty. As a fellow Chistian I applaud you for not wanting to "take the easy way&run away". Like I always say divorce is easy being committed is not only difficult it is also transcendental. You both prove to be good people deep down by forging each other for some incredibly hurtful things.
But 2 things are troublesome about what you said. First, this is not a test from God, this is called the consequences of both your actions and the result of being disobedient to the ordincances of God. (Don't worry this doesn't make you a bad peson -- just a person). Second, your husband shouldn't have to "prove he wants to be married to you". He IS married to you. You cannot set yourself up as a god over him to whom he has to report and please. Be fair with each other. You both sound petty insecure. He sounds like he is still angry about your getting pregnant by another man -- rightly so (People have murdered for lesser offenses). He will continue to cheat until he truly forgives you and works with God to sort out his anger.

Answer 8

You will need to decide if you can really forgive and forget . I would say if you know that you are the type of person that would dwell on this for the rest of your life and be unable to ever trust him, you may consider moving on. It sound like you want to stay
because you are using your vows as an excuse to stay,he has already broken his. I do not think God had anything to do with it.We are human and make our own choices and mistakes, we choose to follow or ignore God. the choice is yours and you know what you are able to live with and accept.

Answer 9

So he was willing to work on it (even though you completely destroyed his heart I'm sure) but the moment he cheats, you don't think you need to work on it too? Wow, you both need some major counceling! Seek a Christian councelor fast and talk to your pastor. Marriage is sacred and God can get you through anything. ps, why on earth would you want to run the risk of brining a desease into a marriage? Sex gets better the longer you have it with one person (you get to know each other and how to please each other more...you can't get that from one night stands.).

Answer 10

You guys need to close your exits/escape routes for a period of time, say 90 days. For 90 days no one goes to lunch with the opposite sex, has friendly phone calls,emails,etc.. and obviously no one sleeps with anyone else. During that 90 days you need to get some serious outside help. I would recommend an imago counselor. See what happens, you can always bail. Oh yeah pray ur butt off, and everything will be ok no matter what ends up happening

Answer 11

Only if he stops the cheating and is sorry and wants you and the marraige.... He has to be willing to change and work on the marriage with you both... talk with your pastor about this too and see why guidance they can give you here... This is your choice though... Also go to http://www.marriagetoday.org and email Jimmy and Karen Evans from there and ask them this and they may have some advice and help for you as well. I will be praying for you and this marriage.