Let me start by saying that I am not a 14 yr old that has never approached a woman or had an adult relationship. With that said I have a female friend who is a single mother of 3. We have always had a good friendship and a good connection. Recently I have had an interest in dating her and I am pretty sure she is interested too. I need help though! Is it harder or different to connect with a single mom when it comes to dating? And how do I show her that I am ok with the fact that she has kids and know that they would be part of a long term relationship? Thanks in advance for the help especially single moms! Also if you have a negative opinion of single moms and their situation without any real dating experience with them please keep your thoughts and answers to yourself. Im not interested in your political or moral views on this subject. Just help from people who may have been there and have had either a positive or negative experience with it.
2007-02-02 15:44:23 · 4 answers · asked by bobbybacala 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Awe, how sweet. She will be lucky to have you. You don't have to woo her, just ask her how she would feel about the possibility of the two of you moving to the next level. Take it slow for the kids sake and respect that always. Know that her children should always come first and make it clear that that's how you feel. When I was a single mom I was always concerned that (knowing guys) they weren't serious and I didn't want to let my child get attache for a short term relationship. You need to assure her that you just want to take it slow and agree to remain friends in case it doesn't work out. Make her feel wanted and beautiful again, pretty much just like with other women. We are all still women who want love, but we tend to be more cautious because it isn't just our lives that we are taking risks with.
2007-02-02 16:01:21 · answer #1 · answered by skkydreemer 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most importantly you must realize that you will NEVER come before her children & never ask her to as you will surely lose. It is very difficult dating a single mother, especially a mother with several children vs. only one. I'm a single mother with 2 children and quite honestly it's been almost 7 years since me and their father split and I've only ever introduced one man (my current boyfriend of 2 years) to my children. Unless she's absolutely serious about you and your relationship, you should first be introduced as just a friend. Let the bonding begin and take it from there. Once everyone is comfortable with one another, then you will be seen for who you really are (if it develops that far).
Other things to keep in mind - don't over discipline her children.
We appreciate help with the kids, but let her do the reprimanding and disciplining until you know that you are an active role in the relationship.
Play with the kids - I found it really helpful that when I was doing dishes or housework my bf would sit down with them and help them do their homework or take out a board game and just play with them - keeping them out of my hair so that I could finish chores. Find a common interest with the kids. My kids and bf both love playing games on the computer together.
Also, remember that they are the most important people in this woman's life. Remember her children's birthdays and buy them something. Doesn't have to be extravagent nor expensive. Just something that shows you also value what is dear & precious to your friend. She'll notice and remember. When & if you have allowed a place in your heart for her children and accept them as YOUR family, not just HER family will she realize what a great catch you truly are.
Best of luck.
2007-02-02 16:03:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since Ive been a single mother once, I know that from my perspective, it was hard dating. I had to make sure the guy I was with knew that I had a child and he would be number 1. I also had to worry about if he was good for my child. My hubby now took me by suprise one day when he told me "if im gonna be in a relationship with you, he's part of the package also. I cant take one without the other" that blew me away.
Let her know that you love the kids around and also that you want a relationship not only with her but with her kids also (as I stated above) when my hubby told me that, I knew in that instant, he was the one for me and he would never hurt my child. he would put him first as well!
(oh, by the way, ive been married now 6 years and going strong - it can happen if its what you really want!)
2007-02-02 15:56:30 · answer #3 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A single mother of 3 will have nothing to do with you, you are getting signals from her mixed up, The last thing she needs is to take care of another child. And all so at your age it's illegal to be any where near romantic...Leave it alone, and go find yourself someone in your age range, just keep it as Friends. This sounds like the couple here in Washington, She lost her kids and went to prison for seven years, Do you want that for her????
2007-02-02 15:55:51 · answer #4 · answered by Diana J 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋