When we first met we couldn't keep our hands off each other. Now all we do is kiss and cuddle. We are so tired after our days of work and college that we just fall asleep at 11pm everynight. During the weekend we just don't get around to it. I'm not even sure i want to have sex but I think she might want to every so often. She's not desperate for it so she never trys to turn me on to it. I don't really care if I have sex or I don't anymore. Sad but true. Why does this happen? Should we be having sex? It almost seems like we are just best friends that kiss, hug and play. Weird...
2007-02-02 15:22:30 · 11 answers · asked by storm2325 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Be glad the dreaded LBD waited 7 years; I know of couples where it's arrived much sooner.
I have a theory about LBD, that I only came to only after I started taking testosterone, but it's not very politically correct. Women have lower levels of testosterone than men. At the beginning of the relationship, it's all new and exciting so that doesn't matter. Once the honeymoon phase is over, you need to have someone in the relationship that has a strong sex drive to keep that spark going. There are many women with strong sex drives, but often two women get together and neither one does.
Another factor is that as women get older, their T levels drop. They get to where they only really want sex once a month, right before their period arrives. Men's T levels drop too as they age, but even so, they're still much higher than women's. Seven years is a time when there also starts to be a lessening of intimacy for hetero couples . They call it the 7 year itch. Men are in a marriage and their wives aren't that interested anymore, so they look elsewhere.
I know about this T stuff first hand, having experienced T both at a woman's level and at a man's level. Of course, T isn't the whole story. Often times, sex is a bell weather as to the health of the relationship. Unexpressed anger can also lead to bed death in any relationship. The clue here to which is the cause is whether you're still having solo sex.
People are quick to suggest things to spice up your sex life, but I really understand that if you really don't miss it, you're not gonna want to make the effort.
If it doesn't bother either of you and you don't miss it, there's really not a problem. If you do miss it, the FDA has approved a topical T for women for just this problem. You could give it a try and see if you like having sex back in your life. Or, if you're curious, you can get your T levels checked.
2007-02-02 15:36:11 · answer #1 · answered by ftm_poolshark 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It isn't weird at all. Your relationship has reached a point where it steps beyond the bounds of the physical. It's a connection that is transcendent.
At the same time, sex is a fun, bonding experience. Try flirting and playing ealy in the day whn you aren't so tired. Keep it going the whole day. Cuddle up during a good movie and make out during the commercials.
More than anything, you need to talk to your partner. If she is feeling deprived, you need to know this. It's okay for loving couples to talk about sex.
2007-02-02 23:52:06 · answer #2 · answered by knightofsappho 4 · 5⤊ 1⤋
It's sad, but don't worry. You both are into that old routine. It happens to heterosexual couples all the time. Just talk with her about how you'd like to bring some romance back because you both have been so caught up in the day-to-day. I am sure she'll agree that it's time to focus on being a little intimate and expressing some love in that special way... Maybe you could pick one day a week or a month where you can bring in the romance! A nice early dinner or a massage... Get some sexy clothes or toys for the bedroom, and put on those sexy CD's that you always used to play when you were getting in the mood, having hot lesbian sex (we know there's nothing better)... Light candles all around and have a great time rediscovering each other! BEST OF LUCK TO YOU BOTH!!
2007-02-02 23:39:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋
Sounds like many a heterosexual marriage as well! Gotta set aside time for yourselves as well, you know, like when you were first dating! You managed to make time then. Gotta remeber what made you fall in love with that person in the first place - before life got in the way. Rearrange the priorities. Skip a class, it won't make or break you. Or you might just be experiencing that standard 7-year -itch. You know, where you've fallen into a rut and start questioning. You work at work, work at school, gotta work on the relationship too. But at least the two of you still fall asleep together at night. Maybe when you've finished college and the stress lessens that will help. But isn't the secret to great sex not thinking about your partner turning you on, but you turning them on? Because if you do that, they tend to reciprocate, and you in turn get excited, because they're excited.
2007-02-02 23:42:02 · answer #4 · answered by amiaskan 4 · 3⤊ 2⤋
How crazy and unusual. Only happens to about 50% of the Western world at any given time.
2007-02-02 23:28:03 · answer #5 · answered by Kermit renversant de corporation 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You have reached a wonderful point in your relationship -- one where you are truly comfortable together. Sex can continue, for male couples it generally does -- but it rarely does in straight couples to any degree, and rarely in lesbian couples. Its an expected phenomena.
Jonathan and I celebrated 15 years in January. We love each other more than ever, but our sex has slowed down to a few a week -- and believe me, for years it was a lot higher.
Kind thoughts,
Reyn
believeinyou24@yahoo.com
2007-02-02 23:29:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 4⤋
I'd get bored of only having foreplay,too. If all my husband could do was kiss, touch and lick I'd eventually lose interest,too,I'm sure.
2007-02-03 00:15:23 · answer #7 · answered by dog8it 4 · 2⤊ 5⤋
it's called a slump. everyone has em.
2007-02-02 23:27:54 · answer #8 · answered by KRIS 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Im suprised it didnt happen sooner. Maybe someone is trying to tell you something......
2007-02-02 23:57:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 5⤋
She's not a man... think about it, if you dare.
2007-02-02 23:44:31 · answer #10 · answered by huckleberry 3 · 1⤊ 5⤋