Being in the closet at work is hurting my social life with cool coworkers. I can't go to happy hour with them because I don't want to get too personal with them for fear of getting fired but they always invite me and I always deny them. This is making me look really bad. Social life with coworkers is part of the work culture and I'm outcasting myself. I don't want to be friends with them and have to lie to them. I rather not go out with them at all if I have to lie about my 7 year wonderful monogomous relationship. This is very stressful. Please advise.
2007-02-02 14:46:52 · 8 answers · asked by storm2325 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
If you really think you could lose your job over it, then don't come out to your coworkers, unless you can afford to lose your job. Although they may be cool and you're really tempted to socialize with them, you really don't need to. Work is work and play is play. It's always best to keep the two separate if you can.
2007-02-02 14:51:55 · answer #1 · answered by true blue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats a really tough choice to make.
I have came out twice in two different jobs, the first was fantastic, the majority of people couldnt care less and embraced my partner at work functions etc, so it was really fantastic and I felt so much happier,
Second time around though I got treated like **** as soon as people found out, and I ended up quitting because I couldnt be bothered with it.
Third time I told no one, and ended up hating missing out on the social things.
Its really a double edged sword.
In saying that though, I have come to the belief that it is better to be out.
I feel disrespectful to my partner when I lie about it, and dont correct people when they say "he"
In reality, my performance at work is related to my partner, because Im so wonderfully happy that this permiates through everything in my life, so I guess I look at it like she deserves the respect of people knowing.
I know its hard wondering about all the "what ifs" but worse case scenario there are more jobs, and best case you not only will be completely happy at home but at work too.
I say bite the bullet.
And congrats on the 7 years :)
2007-02-02 23:49:32 · answer #2 · answered by Macca 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
good answer by true blue. it all depends on how important your socail contact is with your co-workers, your fear of losing your job, etc. Test the waters. I have come out at different times and have received both negative and positive reactions. You might want to talk to someone in HR and find out what their policies are so you can protect yourself a little better. It is important to be yourself. Take care. i hope everything works out. When you do come out to someone, add it to the conversation just as if everything was totally normal.
2007-02-02 23:02:11 · answer #3 · answered by reme_1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, normally I'd say don't say anything in a conservative environment. But it sounds like only "part" of the environment at work is conservative and that's probably the Boss. So, go out with them once or twice a week and when your comfortable with them, tell them the truth, but let them know your worried about your job, and if you can keep it, "entre nous," or "between us." Everyone loves a secret the boss isn't in on. Luckily (for me) my husbands name was Gale, so when me and my friends talked about Gale we all we're in on the secret, but the conservatives weren't. We loved it!
2007-02-03 00:08:37 · answer #4 · answered by AdamKadmon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, you can't be fired for sexual preference. There are EEOC laws against this. Secondly, it's none of anybody's business. If anybody asks then tell them and don't be ashamed. Thirdly, don't deny yourself the social life. Especially if they ask you to go out and other people are bringing their spouses and partners, bring yours and then they'll know.
2007-02-02 22:56:40 · answer #5 · answered by Timalicious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before you come out, make sure you have been doing well at your job and have had good attendance, positive reviews, raises or promotions to prove it.
That way, if someone has a problem with your sexual orientation, it will be impossible for them to fire you and blame it on something else.
2007-02-02 22:54:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your private life is none of their business. you can certainly be social without having to spill your gust about what goes on in your home and in your personal life. if they get too nosey, just say, i'm sorry, i'd rather not talk about that right now. then change the subject.
2007-02-02 23:17:34 · answer #7 · answered by KRIS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you come out at work and they fire you you will be able to sue the **** out of them and never have to work again.
2007-02-02 23:46:59 · answer #8 · answered by Who Cares? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋