My friend is getting a divorce. Husband left in October and 2 weeks later she's pregnant by someone else.?

Question

A guy (single) she met at my house whom she still wants to be with. She aborts and doesn't tell him. Starts new job and now sleeping with a man from work that she has barely known for 3 months and he's married. I liked this woman very much but I am totally disgusted. She has the guy come over after her young children are asleep. I hurt because my husband cheated on me and even though it was almost 11 yrs ago I haven't forgotten and I don't think I will ever forgive. Her house is in turmoil why would she help put someone else's house in turmoil. Her husband is the biggest loser on the planet but her recent actions leave my disgusted. Has she no common sense or self respect and what about reputation. Do I live in a world where people have lost all morals and judgement. Or am I wrong and that is the way the world is now. I called her my friend but she is also my neighbour. How can I be a friend when everyone else says go for it! Maybe I'm the one that's wrong

Answer 1

You're not wrong - she is. You know what they say, "misery loves company"

She is not the only one who is wrong here though...the married man is as well. She has found her perfect target, she is enacting her revenge but sending the vibes the wrong way.

That is a very sad circumstance. It is going to bring nothing but heartache.

You should try and reason with her letting her know what she is doing is not only wrong, but immoral and disruptive...putting another woman in the situation she is now. If she won't listen to you, then you should distance yourself from her and allow her to make her own poor decisions.

Answer 2

Like many has said she is probably trying to fill a void, and who cares who she is pregnant by or when she got pregnant.
Why should you be disgusted by someone elses actions?? This person who IS obviously in turmoil and may be even emotionally unstable is supposed to be Your Friend, but yet you are passing judgement on her and even state you are disgusted with her. Why? She is someone who is going thru a very rough and hard time right now, I would even bet money she is not even thinking straight and is just trying to fill the void that has come down on her.
If you really feel like this towards her I suggest you stay away from her, she doesn't need the venom from a friend on top of all other problems. Divorce is NOT a picnic, the person may seem fine and may even protest to the world that they are fine and happy, but deep down and when no one is around that is not the picture. I do think you are a bit wrong for being so judgemental. If you plan on staying as her friend, you might want to tell her to go to a therapist so she can get help for whatever she is going thru. Have a heart to heart with her about what's going on.
(my intention was not to come off as being mean, but put yourself in her shoes. She now has no husband, single parent, and if the husband is a huge loser than I am sure she is stressing over money issues.....a lot has befallen her, she may be using sex as an outlet/release.)

Answer 3

I feel so bad for you and your daughters.Feeling like your world is shattered is normal, feelings of suicide I suppose might be too.However you have three daughters to think of.A cheating husband is bad enough, but this has been going on for a year,he gets her pregnant then has nerve enough to tell you he wants a relationship with the kid and be with her during the whole process ? If you accept this the other relationship WILL continue, on his visitation days you will be watching HER kid, and if you don't send him packing you will be working to support HER kid. Girlfriend, I was married to a cheating dog, for seven years.I have a good idea what you are going through. All I'm going to tell you is you have to ask your self how much are you going to put up with?If he did it once he will do it again, He's turned his back on his family for other woman and has told you plain as day that he intends on being there for HER. You are working, so you are not totally helpless, your three girls are old enough to help around the house and are not babies. So get up, stop feeling sorry for yourself and get MAD. Throw his mangy @$$ out, get a lawyer, take the house, the car, whatever else you and the girls want and nail him for child support. Then see how much he can give this other woman and their child. Hang in there.

Answer 4

You need to leave the friendship at that and mind your own business, there are always two sides of the coin and you don't live her life. Do not pass judgment on others when you yourself tolerated a cheat. Your fault not hers! She is a grown woman and I don't care if you think she has no common sense. Tell her to her face that she doesn't have any common sense or self respect and then pick yourself up after she hits you. Mind your own f-ing business you busy body. People like you shouldn't have friends as you can't even support there pain. Remember how painful it was with your cheat (think about it and I'll bet it pisses you off). Maybe you should have had a affair to get even. It may have given you a better understanding of things or maybe not.

Answer 5

No ur not wrong.. ur exactly right, and id be turned off from her as well.. her husband may of been an azz.. but that gave her no right to cheat on him, and im assuming she did since two weeks later she found out she was pg..but none the less just shows her lack of morals and values, ..basically ur friend is a low life.. for her to now be involved with a married man, just shows how little respect she has for marriage , whether it be her own or someone elses..

Only thing i can suggest, is if ur going to remain her friend, dont enable her to act like this around u, meaning dont listen to her sob stories, or her affair and just sit there and act like it doesnt bother u, be honest with her, tell her that u think that she's in the wrong.. try to get her to see what she's doing is wrong..

Or..

Tell her how u feel, and tell her u cant be her friend if she's going to act this way.. the more society, allows people to act like idiots, the more people will be inclined to be idiots, with out boundries, morals and values..

Answer 6

If what she's doing is against your morals, you don't have to be friends with her. This is the beauty of having a free choice. What she does is truly not yours or anyone else's business. If a married guy chooses to pursue her - he's the one breaking the promise he had made; it is his responsibility to behave himself, he's not in kidergarten, and has full control of his actions. She is not "putting his home in turmoil" - HE is. If he wasn't doing it with her, he would find someone else to do it with.

Just because she acts in a way that is different from the way you would act in the same situation doesn't make her immoral; consider the fact that different people have different idea of "morality", and yours is not the one and only "correct" way to look at things. Sometimes things don't "make sense" when you look from the outside in, but from the inside out they make perfect sense. That said, I agree with you that it would be difficult to call someone a friend if they engage in actions that are incompatible with your own sense of morality. In such situation, I would probably find a new friend.

Answer 7

How did she know she was pregnant in just two weeks? She was probably pregnant before, it being her husband's. As far as judging her lifestyle...that is exactly what it is HER lifestyle. Obviously she is an adult and can make her own choices. You're obviously not a friend to pass judgment on someone else. You own "doorstep" could us a little sweepin..."I hurt because my husband cheated on me and even though it was almost 11 yrs ago I haven't forgotten and I don't think I will ever forgive" You have passed judgement on HER based on what your HUSBAND did. Don't blame her for the choices your husband made OR the choice that you made to remain with your husband. It's not her fault you are in an unhappy marriage.

Answer 8

I think that you're the real friend. If what she is doing is so disgusting to you then you should tell her. As long as you remain silent, she thinks you agree with this life style of hers. I'm not one for turning my back on a friend but in a case like this one, if she refuse to change or see her error, then I would have to leave her alone. Simply because of this reason... people say '' birds of a feather, flock together'' Why would you want people to think you are about the same thing she is about? Even if you're not that way, you will be look upon as such. Then you could have a real problem with your husband having to hear this gossip. This woman is just a slut waiting for it to come to surface. Allot of people still have morals and respect, but sad to say this generation is failing us fast. I remember having sex was for married people only. Now nobody was cheating as a recreation. cut that girl aloose, but tell her why.

Answer 9

For what my humble opinion is worth, i think she is on the rebound and trying to fill the void, and no you are not wrong she is just not dealing with it brilliantly. Tell her to take a back step and chill out, she can then look at getting into a relationship for the right reasons. You sound like a good friend and if her other friends are saying go for it then you are probably her best friend she just doesn't realise it.

Answer 10

She's your friend so don't be so quick to judge her. Your friend sounds pretty messed up emotionally right now. Talk to her about the choices she is making. If she does not listen, just be there for her when her world comes crashing down even more so when the married man's wife finds out.