Divorcing Parents....?

Question

Whenever I see my friends parents or old pictures of my parents together I get really emotional. I also break down when I see pictures of our family together. I am sad because I know we will never ever be together again. I wish every day that we could go back to normal, I could see my both of my parents every day and I could enjoy myself normally. I feel like I took my life before for granted. I just dont see life the same either. And I hate to watch my parents' stress. It hurts me and I cant take it. My grades are going down, my friends think I have some problem, and I didnt even know that this was effecting me. I am trying to not let it get to me because I have so many blessings that I dont want to feel this way. I am a normally very optimistic happy cheery person who brings everyones mood up. I am not telling them how I feel because I know that they would feel horrible if they knew that the divorce was causing this feeling. What should I do?

Answer 1

I am sorry for your stress and that your parents are going through divorce. Its sad and I understand your feeling. But, I am sure your parents have thought about it, had no other option and they thought it would be best in their and your interest. I don't know how old are you and I have to tell you that life is not all about roses and fairy tales. We all get introduced to realities of life through hard lessons such as, failures, heartbreaks, separation of parents, loss of job or loss of beloveds. It may stun us for sometime but it shouldn't stop us. We should be able to collect the pieces and move on. Everything that happens, happens for a reason and should make us stronger. Talk to them and trust them that they will make the best decision and in any event I am sure you will always have their love. Bless you.

Answer 2

Yes my parents divorced, and even though now I say that I think it was the right choice for both of them. I didn't necessarily think so at the time. My dad was a very controlling person, and after they sold our family home and mum bought a new house they decided to date. This eventually broke up when they had a huge fight and mum scrathed my father across the face and Dad was smaking my mums head aggainst the wall. I think I really came to realise that it wasn't right when I actually had to break it up and take the phone out of my mothers hand when she was calling the police and begged for dad to just leave. I think the effect on children has much in the way the divorce is handled by the parents. I takes a big person and parent to remain neutral towards their ex for the sake of the children. Children realise alot more than parents give them credit for, they know when their parents are unhappy and they know what causes it. I think from my situation it was a bit easier for the simple fact that my Dad scared me a bit and that by my parent breaking up it meant he wasn't there all the time. However, in a general note i think the kids attitude will really depend on firstly their age, secondly how the parent talk and treat each other. I think that is important that the parents are honest with the kids (within reason) becasue older kids can be resentful if they know they are not being told the truth. And lastly I think its they was the parents are after the divorce, if nothing is lacking (like love, spending time together etc) and each parent is happier (maybe not immediately) then the kids realise this and will feel the happier for it. Being in an unhappy realtionship not only affects the parents but also the kids. If one parent is putting up with behaviour that they shouldn't be, the kids learn from this. Parents are the biggest teachers in life and it is seriously a case of monkey see... monkey do. If you are the parent in this scenario, make a change whatever that needs to be becasue your children may later loose respect for you putting up with this behaviour, or even worse learn that they are allowed to treat people that way or should be treated like that. Good luck I hope that helps.

Answer 3

Its totally normal to feel this way. Even if your parents fought evryday, pictures and memories capture happy times, so you hold on to those. I think you should talk to someone. Maybe a counselor, friend or different family member. Holding it all inside really isn't good for you. Life is going to be great. Your parents still love you just the same, but being together isn't what makes them happiest. Don't you want them both to be happy, and less stressed? Everything will be fine. Talk to someone or write in a journal so that you don't bottle it all up. :)

Answer 4

You should talk to them.. tell them how u feel.. how its affecting u.. maybe they can work something out where u can see more of your non-custodial parent on a regular bases, i know its not the same but it might make things alittle better..

My parents are divorced as well.. your lucky u have pictures to even look at.. i have no pictures of me, my mom and my dad together while they were married.. theres pictures but none of all of us together and i was so little when they divorced that i have very few memories..

It does get better with time.. i was fortunate.. my father had custody of me, he married a wonderful woman to be my step mother.. i struggled for along time over my parents divorce, but the older ive gotten the more i realized how it was better for everyone involved..

I had one parent that was old fashioned, and strict yet fair, with alot of morals and values.. (my father who i adore) , and i had another parent my mom, that was carefree, let us basically run wild.. do what we want, could talk to her about anything etc.. i had the best of both worlds..

I know its hard not to be sad, but u have to try and find the ways to look at it with a positive out look, even if there doesnt seem to be one.. and u need to give it some time.. also.. people arent perfect, we all make mistakes, even our parents, so find enough love in ur heart to forgive them, but be smart enough to learn from their mistakes, not to make the same with ur family some day...

I promise, it wont always feel this horrible.. u may always have alittle bit of sadness when u think about it, but it does get better after awhile, besides theres pro's to the situation, two households, means two bday parties a year, two xmas's , two of everything, thats a plus.. trust me :)

Trust me , u'll understand alot more when u get older..doesnt seem like it now, but u will, just love ur parents, and let them love u the best they can, it doesnt take "one" roof, to make a family, it doesnt take "one" roof to love a family.... ur heart is what makes a family, not who is under one roof..

Good luck..

Answer 5

Talk with your school counselor and talk with your parents. They may be divorced, but they aren't divorced from you. They both love you very much and want only the best for you. I'm sure if they knew you were feeling this way, they'd want to find a way to make it better for you.

That doesn't mean they will get back together, but maybe they can work things out so you have more freedom to see them both when you need to.

Answer 6

You need professional help to get through this. You have school your friends and the rest of your life to live and your parents have to start off in separate directions and as much as it hurts to think about, the last thing any one of you needs is for you to be stuck in the past.
Even though the past means your childhood, even though the past means your entire life up to this point.
Your parents are going to move on and you will see them happier than they have been since before their marriage went sour. If you are not prepared for this you will be very angry with them because you will feel like they are rejoicing in your misery.
You need someone to talk to so you can express your sadness and transition into the new phase of your life.

Answer 7

I can tell you that I understand how you are feeling....my parents split up when I was younger and I felt the same way....having said that you do need to tell them how this is making you feel. It is there choice for what ever reason to divorce and why should you mask your feels or try to hide how much it hurts....Trust me I know of what I speak....I became a VERY VERY angry and violent young man because I would not talk about my real feelings with ANYONE.....I kept it all inside.....and to this day....and I have lived many days.....I still have issues that may not have been with me this long if I would have talked about how I was really hurting.
Best of luck to you....and please please talk to them

Answer 8

divorce is so hard on everyone. especially the kids. talk to a trusted friend or seek counseling. and know you had nothing to do with this. but you certainly need to talk about this with someone. and don't feel bad about being sad, that's normal. it's like a death in the family because it is. but talk to someone that you trust and things will turn out for you. i know, i have been there and you are not alone. Good luck!

Answer 9

Be honest with your parents and tell them how you feel about this and why... However if your parents want to divorce you need to let them do so and do not blame yourself for it at all... You may need counseling and help to get past this. Over time you will adjust though.

Answer 10

do your school work, hang out with your friends.
your parents problems are their problems. enjoy your parents seperately whenever you can as much as you can.
just because they divorced each other doesn't mean they divorced you.
put a smile on your face.
trust me, things could be worse. they are only divorced not dead.