How can I get my fiance to be more tolerant of homosexuality?

Question

The reason I'm worried is because I will be getting married soon, and I'm concerned about what will happen if he and I have a son or daughter who turns out to be gay. He has always said that if we have a gay son, he will kick him out of the house and claim that "he has no son," and that if we have a lesbian daughter, she can remain in the house, but she will be told not to "practice her beliefs" under his roof. Personally, I don't agree with homosexuality; however, I don't criticize people who are that way, and I would not let the fact that my child is gay interfere with my relationship with him or her. His or her happiness is more important to me, and I most certainly would not tell my child to leave the house. I know that I can't change his point of view, but how can I get him to deal with this in a more positive manner? How can I steer him away from going to such extremes? Thank you in advance for your answers; they are much appreciated.

About the answer regarding disagreements with my fiance: this is the only issue he's been really adamant about; that's why it surprised me when I realized how serious he was about it. Other than this one thing we pretty much see eye to eye, as far as I know.

Answer 1

I don't think you can change him. I would avoid having children with a man like that unless you will be able to support your children regardless of him. If you think you can stick by your babies no matter what he says or does then you will be fine. Maybe counseling could help him. I doubt anything suggested he would go for. Even our conservative vice president has love for his lesbian daughter. See if you can find a gay connection in someone he looks up to. Or just try to explain you can love someone even if you don't support their choices. Good luck though.

Answer 2

How can someone with such intolerant views on *any* subject be a good father? Or even a good husband? What happends when you two have a serious disagreement? He lays down the law and that is that? Frankly, I don't think either of you should have children until you are able to raise them to understand that all people are deserving of understanding, regardless of orientation. Otherwise you will both be raising the next generation of hateful bigots.

Answer 3

Personally I would bring up the idea of pre marriage couple counselling to him and bring this issue to the table with a professional involved . He may see that his attitudes are extreme ? or not ? who knows you may find other issues that you have different beliefs about ?...
Anyhow its academic at this stage he hasn't had years of being a father before having to deal with his son or daughters sexuality. Chances are this scenario will never eventuate...
You are not wrong to have the loving ,accepting feelings you have already towards your future children .
Don't let him bully you into hardening your heart! For goodness sake you have wonderful things to look forward to without such negativity.

Answer 4

I agree with everyone else - having children with a man like this is asking for trouble. At the very least the two of you should speak with a therapist before getting married, because he sounds like a control freak with a lot of anger, and that could manifest itself in a lot of ways.

My sister was married to a man like that. They were divorced about 2.5 years ago, mostly because of the bad effect he was having on the children. My nephew is 8 years old and loves to cook and play with dresses and perfume. Maybe he's gay, maybe he isn't, he's too young to know. But he's not too young to know that his father doesn't love him, and that his father believes that there's something wrong with him. Even worse, my sister's ex and his new wife are trying to teach my niece to hate her brother. Luckily she's a sweet little kid and the two kids are best friends and stick together no matter what, but my ex-BIL has poisoned his child with his new wife against his son. The kid is 4 years old and calls his brother a fruit and throws things at him while their father looks on in approval. It's sickening. My sister has sole custody and is working to cut off contact between the kids and their dad, and the kids are all for it. But the bottom line is, my ex-BIL has been like poison to the family, all because he has a son who likes Hello Kitty and playing dress-up. Maybe the kid will turn out straight, maybe he'll turn out gay. The rest of us don't care because we love him, but he's already been scarred for life. And my sister has been through h*ll watching her son get beaten down emotionally by someone who is supposed to love him unconditionally. Luckily she has a new man in her life who loves the kids just like they are, so hopefully everything will turn out okay in the long run.

But think about it. This is serious. See a therapist. Go to some kind of couples thing. Figure out what's at the root of this hatred so that you can make sure it doesn't poison your future family.

Answer 5

See a couples counselor. It's generally just a good idea before getting married anyway, but also it sounds like you have a legitimate concern about one aspect of how you'll raise your kids.


I could get into your own deficiencies regarding your understanding of sexual orientation, and the harm that THAT could do to a child, but someone else has probably already covered that, and I also think that if you want to educate yourself, you will.

Answer 6

if ur fiance will only love ur children if they are straight..that means his love is conditional, the condition of his love is that his children are straight. if you dont have unconditional love for everyone, that means u can not have unconditional love for anyone.
it may change when he has children of his own, but right now, he is not ready to be a father. i would openly tell him how i feel if i were you, if u have any gay friends introduce them, and hope that he will see them as people, and realize it isnt such a bad thing after all. good luck!! ♥

Answer 7

Human Sexuality; that would desire to be Homosexuality (charm to the comparable-intercourse), Heterosexuality (charm to the choice-intercourse) and Bisexuality (charm to the two Genders) has been shown to be inborn. This became into carried out in a case learn of comparable Twins, while the two twins the place born and one handed off to be gay the different twin had a seventy % danger of additionally being gay. Proving that Human Sexuality bargains with Hormones in the womb, pre-beginning.

Answer 8

Honestly, I wouldn't have children with anyone who thought like that. He has the capability of causing irreparable harm to a child. Maybe you should see if he will undergo therapy or something..Anybody harbouring that much hatred is in deep trouble to begin with.

Answer 9

And you're still considering having children with someone that is already threatening to be emotionally abuse? Honestly, if you really love him marry him. If he does decide to be emotionally abuse to the kids, then move out and take the kids with you. Personally, I wouldn't even want to be in the same room with someone who thought like that, but it's your life.

Answer 10

I am sorry but you can't - he is what he is and it is a like it or lump it deal. Either get used to his bigotry or swallow real hard and walk away while you still can. Good Luck!