I want my son to see a therapist--does my ex have to agree to it?

Question

My son is 7, and I was never married to his father. I've heard that in CA, custody automatically defaults to 50/50 in these situations. My son has lived with me every day of his life--the father does not even pay support, though he does visit occasionally.

My son needs and wants to talk with a therapist, which I support. My son's father is not keen on the idea. Now, one of the therapists that I've talked to is saying that she will probably need the dad to sign an agreement for the therapy before my son can go. Is this true? Do I have to get his permission? He has nothing to do with the raising of our child, and is the source of my son's problems and the reason my son wants to go to therapy in the first place!

While I could begin a custody battle, that will take a long time. I need some answers now.

Thanks.

This is all great encouragement, thank you so much.

For the record, I am not holding out for money. This is not about money!! I have always supported my son by myself. I will pay for everything. Rather, it's a matter of red tape and it is very frustrating.

I am going to just keep calling therapists until I get someone who is not hung up on this "signature" technicality.

In response to some of the answers addressing child support:

I gave up a long time ago. There is an order, but I never see anything because dad works under the table and lives off of his girlfriends. I may see something someday, but I don't count on it. I'm proud to support my son financially. The issue here is that I am very frustrated that someone who hardly lifts a finger in his son's life may have a right to contest therapy.

Answer 1

That sounds pretty wrong to me. I have to keep my ex- informed of what is going on medically (mental health counts) with the kids and if he strongly opposes he can put up a fight but never once have I had to have him authorize medical treatment.

Course, I don't live in California and I do have custody, custody was never an issue for us. But nobody ever asked me if I had custody. I would think though that the therapist would know the rules where you live?

Not being keen on the idea doesn't mean he won't cooperate if asked to though. If the child lives with you I would think that makes you the custodial parent. But again, I don't live in CA.

Answer 2

The key is what is legal. By law, the father has half the right, medical or otherwise. By law, you should have gone to court to get a child support order for your son and get the court to help you enforce it. The order should spell out any agreement about insurance and expenses. Under that order, he can put 1/2 of the son's medical expenses under his insurance plan but that has to be done ahead of time with the court order. Even if he agrees to sharing medical expenses, he still has to agree to other out-of-pocket expenses except perhaps medical emergencies.

A parent must pay child support whether the other parent asks for it or not. The money goes towards the child's welfare or future college funds. Custody only determines which parent keeps the child. If you try to avoid custody battle by not filing for child support, you erred a long time ago. The court issues a child support order, which outlines how much money per month the child needs and who pays how much is calculated based on income. Custody is a separate decision.

Theoretically, you can try to collect past support you have put in all by yourself. The court will ask you why did you wait so long but you should have no problem getting the court issue a child support order

Answer 3

Custody does not take a long time. You and your son can go to the court and since the boy is already with you it just becomes a matter of record. Every state has free help for people in this position. The father will be asked to participate and if he refuses there are steps to move forward without his consent. I can not imagine why a Father would not want the best for his child.

Answer 4

I would think it's all up to you, after all you are raising and supporting the boy. I'd check with another counselor and if they tell you the same thing then I'd call your child services dept and find out why if the guy doesn't even help support him, you might be able to get it waved. Just don't give up if you and especially the child think this is needed.

Answer 5

My stepdaughter was in dire need of therapy when the custody changed from her mother to her father. We took her to therapy and her bio mom pitched a fit. We did what we saw was fit. Never gave mind to her mother. I don't think the courts will look down on you for doing this. If you think your son needs this, go for it. You will look like a better parent for doing so. You may want to give your ex the name of the threapist, but the therapist is under no force (can't think of the proper wording) to discuss what happens.

Follow your heart in this,

Answer 6

I dont live in CA, but I took my kids to counseling while my ex and I were divorcing. After the kids went for awhile, they did have to notify the dad just to cover all bases, and they did send him a letter. He did not respond. It seems like there are so many odd situations (his, hers, thiers, foster kids, etc) that two signatures would not be required. It is about the kids afterall, not how many signatures are there. Good luck-keep looking around.

Answer 7

This is ridiculous that they want a signature. Just take him somewhere new and tell them that the father is not in the picture. He really isn't because he does not pay child support or even see the child. In my mind why should he have any rights, he doesn't even participate in the child's life he is more or less just a sperm donor. Good luck.

Answer 8

I don't know much about Cali law, but if you have sole custody of your child, I don't see why you need permission from the father to provide care your son needs. It makes no sense to me. He can't cough up the cash to support his son, but can make life decisions? Forge his signature.

Answer 9

Its not necessary for yer X to agree if you alone pay for it.. (Hmm lets see how much you really think its necessary and in the best interest now) otherwise its back to family court and try and obtain a court order for the X's co-payments (good luck)

Really if YOU believe its necessary.. yer holding it up on a $ amount from an X? Sheesh...

Dats life...

Answer 10

No, he does not have to consent. In matters concerning medical(therepy falls under this) treament they only need the consent of one parent. The only time you would need both parents consent is when you want to change the child's name or allow a minor to marry. Then, both parents must agree to it.