we just recieved our income tax refund. my husband took a little over half what we got back to buy a car. not cuz he wanted the car, but cuz he needed it. he set a price originally for half of what we were going to get back on our taxes, then went a little over cuz the car that he wanted was more then the price he originally set. he told me, b4 he got the car, that the money that was left after paying a few bills i could have and do whatever i wanted with it (nails, hair, clothes, whatever). well, today he picked up the car & came home. i talked to him about going out tomorrow & doing a few things for myself (i never do anything for myself. its always him or our kids first!). after he picked up the car he changed his mind. now hes saying that i can only spend so much (which isnt much at all). im upset, not cuz of the money, but cuz he went back on his word. also cuz i never do anything for myself due to lack of funds & now is my chance.
do i have a right to be upset? what would you?
2007-02-02 13:11:11 · 12 answers · asked by portuguese_tease 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Going back on a deal or promise (even a stupid or bad one) is wrong. Sit down and tell him that he made a promise. Because of that promise you agreed to the car. You didn't get upset when he went over budget for the car. Now, you demand that he holds up his end of the deal.
Explain that even if it was a "dumb" promise in his mind (meaning that you need the money for something else or savings), it's not ok to change. If he wants to change the deal now, he should SELL the car and you two can re-negotiate from the beginning.
Going back on a promise to your spouse is the same as LYING.
2007-02-02 13:43:07 · answer #1 · answered by Brian C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he sees the car as a "need" and the girl stuff as a "want".
Maybe you need to redefine what married means. Half of the money is not his and half is not yours. All the money is yours as a family to do what is right for all. You want his needs met and he wants yours met. I assume this to be true. If it isn't, then the issue is not the money, but the relationship.
Maybe he does not realize the importance of you doing something for you.
Evidently you have been putting yourself second (or last) on the priority list and he has learned that it is acceptable to keep you there.
Time to change that dynamic.
Take care of yourself. Make your needs a priority and teach others how to treat you in your own life.
Negotiate this issue and do what is right for you.
If he loves you, he wants you to feel loved and important.
You need to have trust between. Sit him down and talk this out until you get what you need. Don't just simmer and build resentment. Fix it. TODAY.
You and your needs ARE important. If you aren't taking care of you, you cannot be the best you can be as a wife, as a mother, as a human being. Work out a way to better meet your needs and live your life in a way that makes you happier. Find out what you need to be happy and begin being a healthy, happier you. I am sure your husband will enjoy it.
2007-02-02 21:53:38 · answer #2 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you have a right to be upset. First he broke the agreement by spending more than he planned for the car he wanted. If money was such an issue then he would have picked a different car rather than change his budget to get the one he wanted. Second, you deserve to have a day for yourself without dealing with him and the kids. You deserve to get some things you need and want with the money he has already promised you. No way girl, don't back down from this one. If you can't have your part then sell that damn car!!!! He deserves to walk!!
2007-02-02 21:46:18 · answer #3 · answered by evergoth 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems that the more fundamental problem is that your household finance is stretched to the limit. Yet you 2 want to spend any money that comes in. That is a big problem called living hands to mouth with no margin of error.
If you are financially stretched, never buy a new car or gas guzzler. The car you need is a basic one that takes you to work, that's one. Don't get into the idea of I DESERVE IT.
You should commit to paying off your debts (credit card, etc) when you have some money or put it away.
If you 2 don't commit to saving up some money as reserve, the same problem will always show up every time.
2007-02-02 21:28:32 · answer #4 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you have a right to be upset, but the best thing to do is to make a mental note of this situation and when you make some extra cash........(think about starting a home business), place it in an account. And once you save up enough to do all these nice things, he will have no choice but to take notice. And just slightly bring it to his attention that you didn't realize that you were in a marriage where there was no sharing involved. And just try your best to take care of your own needs, because if he did this with a small amount of money, imagine if you were to hit the lotto or something. In a marriage each person is entitled to some "Mad money", so I suggest that you do what it takes to establish your own. I know it hurts that he went back on his word, but now you know and you should learn from this lesson. Don't expect him to have the cash for you next time, get it for yourself. Cause only you can take care of you.
2007-02-02 21:21:58 · answer #5 · answered by msdevilish666 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends on him.
If he is the budget man, then he might be telling the truth that he can't let you do this which is really crappy.
If he is the romantic type he could have spent the money already to buy you a valentines day present that he knows you will like.
If he is not secure in his finances, shame on him for buying a new car and going over his budget.
I think you should sit him down and talk to him about this, tell him your concerns that he spent too much and you feel that if he can't be sharing and emphatic towards your feelings, you should see a marriage counselor to work this out.
2007-02-02 21:22:42 · answer #6 · answered by mave_dawg07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should talk to your husband about this tell him that you are feeling upset not because of the money explain to him that you just wanted to do something nice for yourself and he hurt you by going back on what he said. ask him if maybe you could have a little more money and maybe he could take some too if the funds are lacking he probibly doesn't get to do much for him either. communicate the issue and then make a compromise good luck!
2007-02-02 21:19:45 · answer #7 · answered by insane illusions 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well since he backed out of the agreement it nullifies everything. That means the car goes back. If you focus on this scenario he will have a change of heart and give you your due.
2007-02-02 21:18:50 · answer #8 · answered by delux_version 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
he's selfish and you have every right to be upset.
Let God judge his heart for this. Pray that he finds his transgression in this action.
2007-02-02 21:29:19 · answer #9 · answered by n9wff 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lady..........sorry to say, but your "hubby" is a self-centered, insensitive, fool. I hope someday you receive the love and pampering you so richly deserve. Big hugs to you!!!!
2007-02-02 21:16:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋