Should I stay with the father of my child?

Question

Were engaged. He is a wonderful father and even a great guy but I have fallen out of love with him. Our son is one and I cant even think of taking him away from his father but I dont feel the love I once had for him. My fiance is totally in love with me still. So i guess my question is: Should I stay with a man I dont love just so my child has a healthy upbringing with two parents in the same house?

Answer 1

its hard to tell right now your son is young, maybe just live close so when he grows older he can see both of you and just stay in good terms with your fiance

Answer 2

You should sit down and talk with him. Tell him how you're feeling. Don't be afraid to do this it is healthy for a relationship. it sounds as though you are bored, I'm only guessing but perhaps since you have had the child the two have you have grown apart? It's only natural after having a child to love the child more than your partner, in fact you love the child more than anyone else, perhaps you are feeling undervalued, and forgive me, but perhaps you are not having intercourse as much. Waking at all hours to feed the baby and whatever will certainly do that, however you could always ask someone to take care of the baby overnight like a close family member, someone you trust. Go out for dinner with your fiance, talk about how you are feeling and go home and be a couple, this sounds horrible but, WITHOUT a baby. Only for a night. This may rekindle your feelings for him and make you realize why you fell for him in the first place. If not i will let you slap me senseless...=D. Good Luck

Answer 3

It surprises me that so many people have answers that are so different. You have a child, you had all the choices, the man did not, you could abort the child at anytime for almost any reason. If a man has a son or a daughter, he is committed to his children by law and morality. You are a woman and you should share the same commitment to a child, but the law doesn't hold you legally responsible, unless you harm the child.
I know a guy tat just found out his mother lied to him for 26 years. She started by saying his daddy was good, until another man entered her life and she feared him getting jealous, so she started saying bad thing about the father, the boy overheard this and the mother, refusing to admit the lies to her son, continued. If you think this will be any different for you, I am sorry. That boy has finally publicly called his mother a whore and has since found his father with baby pictures of him on his walls. Tomorrow may seem like i will never come, but little changes become large giant changes. teaching a child that getting pregnant and dumping your responsibility to him, just doesn't sound good.

Answer 4

If you loved this man once, you can again. Sometimes it is hard to be in a relationship. Sometimes you won't like him. But, ya know what,sometimes he won't like you either.?
Those hard times do eventually pass. Just give it the time that it needs to correct itself.
It takes two people to make the decision to stay together in a committed relationship no matter what comes their way.
The rewards that you and your fiancee, not to mention your little one, will reap will be incalcuable.
You say that you do not feel the love that you once did for him. You probably don't.. That is the nature of relationships. Maybe what you felt was not love but lust and now you'll have to work at the love part. Is that possible do you think? Think about these things as this will affect the rest of not only your life but his and your little ones.
One other thing: Love puts others first before ourselves.
Love is not a feeling. It is an action.
I do hope that this helps you.

Answer 5

If you can be a nice person - and a good mother - and a good wife - who is not in love with your husband - you should stay. If you will be angry and resentful - leave. Only you know what's in your head and heart.

HOWEVER - it is very important for your child to have both parents in his life. It will be VERY important for the two of you to get along, work things out - and stay in the same geographic area until your son is grown. Two parents in the same house is not as important as two loving parents.

Also - if you are thinking you'll go off and find another boyfriend - and put him in the picture - well - that really won't be very healthy for your child. Your child didn't choose to be born to two people who never committed to each other and one of whom didn't stay in love after just a year. Don't make him suffer because of it. If you leave your fiance - it's truly best not to get involved with another guy until your son is grown. And - you should know - that if you leave your fiance - he may very likely find another woman to marry - and you will have no say in who she is - and your child will be spending LOTS of time with that woman. Staying would prevent all of that.

Maybe counseling would help. Sometimes the spark can be rekindled. Does your fiance even know how you're feeling?

Answer 6

Are you sure you are not in love with him anymore? Sometimes the "honeymoon" stage wears off, and some people think that they don't love someone anymore. I, personally, believe that once you love someone, part of that love stays with you, whether you end up together or not. It's really hard to find a loving, decent man...and it sounds as if yours is a rare find. I don't think people just people fall out of love...unless it was never really love in the first place. Your son has the best future possible with two loving parents...but also parents who love and respect each other...this gives him a basis for relationships when he grows up. I would just really question why you believe that you're not in love with him anymore, what has changed and so forth...and go from there.

Answer 7

Why don't you love him anymore? If he is a good man and a wonderful father that should be enough for you. You have to work on a relationship, it won't be great all the time. I know there are men who will take on you and your child but it may not happen, it could scare someone off. Seams like you have it pretty good with your man. The grass isn't always greener on the other side, you may just end up with a man who treats you like crap. Then you would of ruined a relationship with someone who treats you right.

Answer 8

If the childs parents don't love each other there's not going to be a happy healthy relationship. Getting along with each other would be great for the child but you can't go the rest of your life living with someone you don't love. Your child needs a good example of what a relationship is like.

Answer 9

It depends on other factors. Is he a caring father? Is he at all abusive? Are you content being around him? Do you still respect him and care for him? You don't have to love someone to be happy with them. If you both respect each other and care about each other, and you both want the best for your son, those are good enough reasons to stay together. You obviously love your son. He'll need both parents to support him as he grows up. Even if you don't stay together, you should make sure your son spends lots of time with both of you.

Answer 10

Jenny
In my opinion, no.
How you you be an effective mother when you're trapped in an unhappy marriage? And if you don't love this man, I'm afraid it WILL be unhappy, no matter how good he is to you.
I wouldn't call it quits immediately though, if you think there's the slightest possibility you could reclaim the feelings you once had for this man. I'd be curious to know what made you fall out of love with him, and if those reasons have been resolved.

Answer 11

You probably should look into your heart and ask youself why did I see in him in the begining? You should re-cap all the good times and make more good times. Trust me the first years are the hardest. I've been with my guy for 6 years now, married for three.
We wouldn't have made it without having a relationship with God too. Seriously! It worked for me it will work for you too. Try a charismatic church (if ya want), it has brought life, love, laughter and strength. Don't give up yet, its not like he's abusive to you right?
Be Blessed and Rejoice in the Lord!