this annoys me?

Question

It really makes me mad when gays try to convince themselves they are straight, and go off and marry a woman and have children because they dont wanna live a "gay lifestyle" and fool themselves into thinking they are attracted to women and think their gonna have a better life when really their just ruining their own life,and not to mention ruining other peoples lives! How is lying to yourself, making a better life for you? How can they go out and marry an innocent woman who will believe he loves her when hes really only using her to pretend he is straight? That is seriously some disrespect to someone elses feelings. If you dont want to come to terms with being gay THEN STAY SINGLE!!! dont f*** someone else up. I'm sorry if i sound like im rambling on or something but that kind of thing really gets under my skin because i really care about peoples feelings, and believe that everyone deserves to be happy in their lives but that kind of thing can mess so many people up, anyon else agree?

and to the people who are calling my question stupid, the reason i posted it is because my friend is pretending hes straight, when hes not, and i dont want him or whoever hes gonna marry to end up being hurt.

and by the way YES i am gay also, but atleast i can accept who i am...

Answer 1

Your question annoys me!

Answer 2

You know what should really make you mad? The fact that society won't allow gays to live a regular, normal life and have all of the humanly-given rights to live free of stereotypical condemnation. Then you wouldn't have to get pissed when they try with all of their might to assume what some people (still) say is a "normal" way of life.

If you really care about peoples' feelings, then you should become an advocate for equal rights to and for all. Do you know how many abandoned children there are in the US alone that cannot & will not be adopted because Same Gender Loving people cannot adopt in most if not all states?

Think about how many couples would love to have a child of their own but can't because society says their lifestyles are not "condusive environments to properly nurture a child into the world..." Think of how many children who will never know what uninstitutionalized love is, won't be able to say they have a home, parents or guardians, someone who (possibly) has lived their life in pain and can relate to the pain of being "unwanted"...

These are people who have no other alternative but to try and emulate society's "normalicy" in order to have the things and priviledges that they wouldn't have if their SGL lifestyle was known. So channel all of your anger, your being pissed off not towards those who marry but want the same gender, but towards those who refuse to let the living live...

Answer 3

I've met a few women this happened to and they feel terribly betrayed. I also listened to a talk by a gay man who did this, and gives talks about it in order to gain sympathy for gays. He had doubts that he didn't want to face but went to college and then seminary, married and was ordained a minister. He then left his wife and his parish, demitted the ministry and now sells life insurance. And, as I said, gives self-serving talks trying to convince people that he was the one who suffered the most through all this. Forget the wife who wanted to start a family, although he wasted years of her life. Forget the parish left high and dry, hunting for a new minister.

Since there are people out there who would like to have a partner but can't get one for whatever reason (shyness, appearance, age) and I feel they suffer quite a bit, I have nothing but contempt for someone who finds a suitable partner under false pretenses and then abandons that person, causing emotional pain at the very least. But we're supposed to be understanding.

And we largely are. I know an entire church group who didn't hold it against a married choir member who had been arrested and was on probation for taking liberties with underage teen boys. He was welcomed among us, and we hoped that with counseling he could get things together. His wife stood by him, too. And then he was found again in a compromising position with a 16 year old boy. Jail this time, and a divorce.

Let's be pragmatic about this. He had a safe sexual outlet. He chose to go after a thrill that would separate him from the community and place him in jail. What about this is not insane?

Answer 4

I totally agree. I'm not a huge fan of selfish people myself. I feel bad for a person who feels they have to hide who they are to such an extreme degree, but you should never do something like that at such a high cost to another person. I don't quite know why people are so irritated about this question, and negative. I think it's perfectly valid, and an excellent point, not to mention something different than what is usually posted on here over and over.

Answer 5

I'm not gay so I'm not speaking from personal experience but you being gay should realize how many people hate what you are or call you sinners & all that other crap they say but I'm wondering if its because they never had the support or self eseem that you have? I think we should all be with anyone we want but I do truly feel so bad for the gays who don't have support & are afraid they'll lose everything if they come out. I don't think they purposely hurt others, that's just my opinion

Answer 6

Yeah I agree completely it's meesed up when guys and even women go and marry someone because they don't want to live a gay lifestyle which makes the marriage usually fail horribly

Answer 7

I understand your question and agree with you. The problem is that some gay people have a horribly difficult time accepting themselves and due to the pressure from family and society 'try' to fit in. Personally, I got married in my early 20's because I didn't understand my true feelings and it never ocurred to me that I could be HAPPIER in a different type of relationship. Thankfully I finally figured out why my marriage was going no where and got in touch with a gay center. late bloomer!!

Answer 8

Your friend is in for a lifetime of feeling miserable because he's not being honest and true to himself, PLUS he's not being really honest with his lover. People like him are screwed up and they end up hurting someone else. Sounds pretty selfish and messed up. He'll be needing some therapy when it all falls apart because he's living a LIE.

Answer 9

People pretend about all sorts of important and unimportant things in a relationship and in life in general. Maybe your friend doesn't want to be gay . Maybe your friend wants what others percieve as "nomalcy" more than he wants to sleep with men . Maybe your friend's just confused .
You should definitely encourage your friend to take time alone and get a little perspective . If you are his friend , however, you'll be respectful of any well thought out desicision he comes to.

Answer 10

i know what you mean. i am married to a man for 10 years who secretly meets men for sex or what ever. he does not know that i know. He has been doing it for years but i just recently found out. i feel sad for him because if i leave he would have no one. but i am so lonely because he shows no signs of him even being slightly attracted to me. i miss the touch of a man and now caught between a rock and a hard place. i could have went out with another man,but i felt that was not the right thing to do.we are more friends than a husband and wife. i do wish people would be honest with others and their selves. when they are not it hurts alot of people.

Answer 11

Being Gay's not the Problem staying straight is, More People need to stop being so Bigoted and Open their Minds.