Opinions on my writing?

Question

Here's a poem I wrote....honest (but respectful and SERIOUS) opinions please? I know it doesn't make a ton of sense but that's how it's meant to be to a certain degree. I'm almost 15 so don't expect it to be perfect.

Con[Temporary]

Cons outweigh the pros, haven't you heard?
In a flash the tried and true loses worth.
A single depicts the rise and fall of this empire,
But that's your aftermath for playing with fire.

You're just a filler song, downgraded by jet lag,
No need to win her over, she's temporarily stag.
Just mind the one-up king with what's up his sleeve,
The plague of absence seems to be rinsing you clean.

Backtrack now, who's hopeless and who's devoted?
You bluntly embellished it off, now dually noted.
He's the brains of the operation with smarts on parade,
You're meek with temptations and so likely to stray.
Costume design is primo, sans these complimentary wits.
Wherefore art thy postponing when the shoe doesn't fit?

Dispose of the rose petals at a moment's decree,
Bumper to bumper but you're miles from the lead.
Now it's evident your game plan had a delayed start,
She's keen on you not; though don't take her to heart.
I'm afraid my verdict is worthless, impartial at best,
Merely an outsider peering in to lay hearsay to rest.

[Too many characters so I continued it]

This isn't my best poem at all, I just wasn't sure about it completely. I've been writing for like 5 years now and have written about 800+ poems and songs in the last few years.

Answer 1

"Applause!"...I very much enjoyed it! Very good. But my poetry professor said that in order to write good poetry you have to experience life, and that writers in general live short lives...poets the shortest.

But...continue on, you are very talented. I would suggest that you take lessons with a musical instrument that you like, or would love to learn, and write songs.

Take voice lessons to sing the songs, and you will end up a very good musician.

Try writing a short story. But write.

You must have a diary...so keep on keeping on!

Answer 2

i think you have real ability here which is why i am going to be honest with you. i hope you dont take offence because thats not how i mean it. this poem is full of ideas and images that could be powerful on their own but are so tightly packed that they push the reader along at a speed which diminishes their impact because they do not get due consideration. Maybe this is how you wanted it to be, in which case just do what you do because its good.just my opinion but make space, be fluid, dont confine yourself to rhymes and sentences, let things run on, let your unique voice be heard. (and keep up the good work!!)

Answer 3

Really great for you age ^_^

Suggestions: you don't really have to care about the rhyming or powerful words, they come later.. you should at first concentrate a bit more on the meaning and how to Deepen it if you know what I mean.
good job & keep it up =)

Answer 4

your pretty good & can go somewhere in a few years