Could You Guys Proof Read and Give Me Your SUGGESTIONS?

Question

This is just a part of my essay, because I can only post so many characters I can only do it by paragraph. I do not have microsoft "Word," so any suggestions would be great!
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When I was younger and I was raised in a very conservative Christian family, typically, I tried to rebel against what I was told. The harder they told me I had to be this person, the harder I would rebel. Going to a Christian school a liberal point of view just wasn’t excepted. I would bring up evolution in science class, and even brought up the possibility God didn’t exist in Bible class. I soon realized that in most incidents I was doing this just to be a rebel. I didn’t have any sense of what I really believed in.

Answer 1

When I was younger, I was raised in a very conservative Christian family. Typically, I tried to rebel against what I was told. The harder they told me I had to conform, the more I would rebel. I was attending a Christian school where a liberal point of view just wasn’t accepted. I would bring up evolution in science class, and in bible class I even brought up the possibility God didn’t exist. I soon came to realize that in most incidents I was doing this just to be a rebel. I didn’t have any sense of what I really believed in.

Answer 2

As a child, I was raised in a very conservative Christian family. As many children do, I tried to rebel against my family's beliefs. The more my family told me I had to be this person, the harder I would try to be someone else. In the Christian school I attended, a liberal point of view was simply not accepted. I brought up evolution in science class, and even brought up the possibility that God did not exist in Bible class. I realized that in most incidents I was doing this only to rebel, and had no sense of what my true beliefs were.

-Never use a contraction in an academic paper.
-Don't end a sentence with a preposition (in, with, etc.)
-Use the active rather than the passive tense. (Say "I brought" instead of "I would bring")

Hope this helps.

Answer 3

When I was younger, I was raised in a very conservative Christian family. Typically, I tried to rebel against whatever I was being told. The harder anyone tried to convince me to be a "model" person, the more I would rebel. Going to a Christian school, a liberal point of view just wasn’t accepted. I would bring up evolution in science class, and in Bible class, I even brought up the possibility God didn’t exist. I soon realized that in most instances I was doing this just to be a rebel. I didn’t have any real sense of what I believed in.

Answer 4

I was raised in a very conservative Christian family. When I was younger, I rebelled against what I was told. The more they told me I had to act a certain way, the more I rebelled. Since I attended a Christian school, voicing my liberal point of view just wasn’t expected. I brought up evolution in science class, and the possibility that God didn’t exist in Bible class. I finally realized that in most cases, I was doing this just to be rebellious. I didn’t begin to acknowledge that I really believed in the values I was raised with.

Answer 5

I edited this in Word and it only changed one word - excepted to accepted. What class and what level is this? This would help me edit it further.

When I was younger and I was raised in a very conservative Christian family, typically, I tried to rebel against what I was told. The harder they told me I had to be this person, the harder I would rebel. Going to a Christian school a liberal point of view just wasn’t accepted. I would bring up evolution in science class, and even brought up the possibility God didn’t exist in Bible class. I soon realized that in most incidents I was doing this just to be a rebel. I didn’t have any sense of what I really believed in.

Answer 6

Wow, nice paragraph. Quite impressive for what I assume is a first draft.

Firstly, it should be "Going to a Christian school, a liberal point of view just wasn’t accepted. I would bring..." instead of 'excepted'.

Also, I would advise you to do what my Language Arts tells us to do. You told us that you were just doing this to be a rebel. Show us. Tell an anecdote about a time where you rebelled. It will improve your paper, that I can tell you. However, if you have a character limit on your paper you can leave it out, but putting it in will alternately help if you need to do, say, 3-5 pages. Good luck with your paper.

Answer 7

Good, but needs to be a bit more concise. I was raised in
a conservative Christian family who expected me to follow
in their footsteps. The more they tried molding me, the
harder I rebelled. My liberal point of view raised more than
a few eyebrows in the religious school I attended, especially
in science class when I brought up the Theory of Evolution.
I realized that when I questioned the existence of a God
in bible class that I may have gone too far in cementing my
rebel status in this way and should examine all possibilities
closer.

Answer 8

The second sentence is not a sentence. Try this instead: The word “moderate” can take on many forms, for example you may say that a there are a moderate amount of ingredients in a certian food and or you paid a moderate price for certain clothes. Instead of "being political" I would say "politics". Take the S off the word Means in the 5th sentence. No comma between "issues" and "and", the "and" separates the thoughts by itself. Again the comma. Put the verb in the first clause of the last sentence, and put an S on the word mean: Say "A few feel, as I do, that being moderate means" Other than that it's fine.

Answer 9

For starters, I would say......"Growing up I was raised in a conservative Christian family, always trying to rebel against what I was told." Secondly, I would add that you should replace "harder" with "more". (try this: The more they (who is they, be specific) tried to make be what i wasn't, the more I rebelled). I'm not giving anymore hints because you should think for yourself, but try the ideas above and see what it's comes out to be.
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(Are you middle, high, or college)

Answer 10

The first sentence seems a bit confusing. I had to read it a couple times to get it. Try "When I was younger BEING raised in a...." instead of AND I WAS raised.....

The rest of it is great. I'm sure you're going to talk more in the next paragraphs why you wanted to rebel and what you really believed in or do believe in now. Keep going with it. Hope to see the finished product.