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Question

I have this problem where I can't buy things in shops, when I go to the checkout I blush and feel really nervous, I can't make eye contact with the person at the checkout. This happens in every shop, and I don't know why. tomorrow I am going shopping and want to buy some things but I'm scared I won't be able to.
any ideas or help apprecieted, thanks

note: i don't know if i've put this in the right category, but i think it's a social problem.

Answer 1

Probably should have been put into the psychology category, but doesn't matter. Now, I know first hand what you are feeling. I use to get so that I couldn't sign a credit card slip, or any paper infront of anyone. My hands would begin to shake and I would be blushing so much I wanted to run. It is an anxiety problem. But, not so bad that you can't help yourself.
Here is what I did (now you may really think that I am crazy!!!) but when I went to pay for something I would actually pretend that I was an actress and this was part of a play. So, it wasn't me who was there but someone else. I know it sounds totally ridiculous but it did work after a bit. Try it. Make up a name for yourself (I was Katherine) and the person I was playing was Nancy. Makes me laugh now, but then it was serious.

I fully understand what you are feeling. Don't lose hope. Keep pushing yourself. Sometimes I would try to distract the sales person so she wouldn't pay too much attention to me when I was getting my money out. (like I would ask if she had a bigger bag)

Please know that I am thinking about you tomorrow and wishing you good karma!

Answer 2

If it's so serious that you're considering not going shopping, then you should probably see a doctor (a psychologist or psychiatrist). You might have a social anxiety disorder.

I also have a hard time making eye contact with the people at the register, but I don't think they really notice. I'm sure they have more important things to worry about than why someone isn't looking at them in the eye. They're busy scanning or bagging your items, taking your money, etc. Just try to be nice to the person, and I'm sure they'll be satisfied.

Answer 3

Nancy W's answer was a good one--and below is mine. I do think you may be able to deal with this on your own--people are too quick to assume any problem like this is some sort of disorder. That doesn't mean it isn't--but you should try some strategies on your own before assuming you need counselling.

Sometimmes the way to solve such problems is to deliberately OVER-compensate. I did this years ago with my fear of public speaking: I volunteered once a week to give tours at a local museum-45 minute talks in front of complete strangers 2-3 times Every week! It worked.

Here's my suggestion: First--forget about "looking people in the eyes" for now--learn to walk before you try to run. Second, pick some persona (not your usualway of presenting yourself/dressing)--and "put on an act"

This can be anything--you can even try different ones to see what works best (i.e. helps you overcoe your fear). I say that mainly to emphasize that the possibilities below are SUGGESTIONS only--make up your own if you want.

The idea is to go to the store as follows (remember--suggestions, vary to suit):

>Deliberately overdo your makeup--twice as much as you'd wear to a party--and maybe a wig (dress up like Abby on the TV show NCIS, maybe)--but make it OUTRAGEOUS

>Do something different--even challenging. Take a walkman (with really good earphones and music going)--and leave it on while you check out--communicate by gestures!

>Be nnosy (no, I'm not kidding--but I don't recommend this with a cashier of the opposite sex, unless you WANT to be asked for your phone #). If the checkout line is slow (so there's some time) start asking the cashier questions abut her/himsllf)---nice ones--about hair, dress, where they went/go to school, kids--just start talking and asking questions a mile a minute. Be considerate, sure--but jump in and learn about this person.

The general idea is to think of the fear as something you are going to attack--by meeting it head-on and beating it to death! Good Luck! :)

Answer 4

lol your embarrassed about getting embarrassed. one thing you have to understand is this is soooo common its ridiculous. if you think you about to blush, repeat in your head "people think its cute" and become comfortable with it. (because most people do think that its cute)
you will eventually get over it, you just need to keep in mind that it isn't a big deal at all and become as comfortable as possible with it. and once you don't care about it will go away and you will think "crap right when it doesn't bother me, it doesn't even really happen anymore"

good luck to you. trust me you'll be fine :)

Answer 5

If its only in shops and not with other people you don't know well, it may be some version of "social anxiety disorder" (a psychiatric issue), but people with that often are uncomfortable with all strangers (or even all people).

People with social anxiety disorder (or any anxiety disorder) can get some help from a psychiatrist, but in the meantime....

Why don't you ask what it is that you're afraid of. Was there ever an incident with anyone in shops when you were little (or later). Were you raised hearing about someone else's incident(s)? (Kids often pick up on things they have grown up listening to.) Have you ever had a credit card declined, or were you ever with someone as a child who did (and you found it embarrassing)?

Do you see shop people as authority figures rather than as people who just working while they're in school or else making some money to feed their children? Do you shop in places that are intimidating? Sometimes a person who doesn't have a lot of confidence can go into a "snooty" shop and be made to feel pretty small.

Did you ever steal from a shop as a kid and then get caught?

Think it all out (you probably have, but try to delve deeper this time). Figure out what it is about either buying something, using a credit card or handing over cash, or meeting a stranger or letting a stranger see your choices of purchases that makes you most uncomfortable.

Ask yourself if you've for some reason come to see what your selections are in a shop as personal or whether you are worried that someone will have an opinion about your tastes/preferences in purchases. If you've grown up feeling that every time someone knows what you like or want or think they have an opinion you may have "extended" that to the situation where a clerk could judge your choices of items.

Do you feel guilty about how much you spend, or do you think you appear to be someone who is clearly not wealthy but may be spending on things you shouldn't? Are you worried that the shop clerk will talk about what you bought after you left?

In any case, try to realize that what customers buy isn't generally anything shop clerks care much about. They're there because they need the money. They are often feeling like they are being judged for having the job they have.

Try to remember that there are actually shy people who work in shops, and there are people who have had very bad days or who have been mistreated by a lot of customers. Try to think of ways to make the clerk feel at ease and make their day just that much more pleasant by making a little comment to them. If its late and the place is busy remarks that its busy and remind them they'll get to go home. Make a quick comment on some cute thing you see on the counter, or make a quick comment about how much you like the color of the sweater you're buying.

Shy me had to muster up the confidence to work in a very busy supermarket while I was in high school. As I stood at that register and looked out at the long lines I realized I had no choice but to figure out a way to overcome being uncomfortable. I made the effort to be pleasant to customers, and the customers I most appreciated (and who made hard days much more pleasant) were the ones who were pleasant. It didn't have to be a big conversation. There wasn't time for that. It was just the friendly little remarks that made the day more pleasant.

Whether you're the clerk or the customer, its just always nice to understand the other person is just a person, and its always nicer when people try to make one another feel a little more comfortable.

If - as a customer - you become very aware of the difficult job the clerks in shops have, and if, as you make your purchase, you think in terms of how even if you're just a nice-enough customer you can make their day a little better it may help take your focus off your own discomfort and instead focus on being the kind of customer you can feel proud to be (within the scheme of clerk/customer relationships).

Remind yourself, too, that the store (the owners) wants your business; and it is the job of the clerks there to serve you.

Also, this sounds harsh (and I don't mean it to sound that way at all because I have had my share of shyness to overcome and sometimes not be able to overcome); but what if you try to mentally step back from yourself and just say, "Hey. Grow up. There is no reason to worry about what these people think or do."
Sometimes when I worry too much or have some version of shyness I just have to step out of myself, be tough, and say to myself, "Hey - knock it off." It can work (but I know that there are times when just doing that won't work for people with hard-to-overcome issues).

Whatever you do, just go ahead and go shopping tomorrow. If you can't try to make the clerk comfortable, all you really need to do is stand there and wait for your stuff to be processed. Answer any questions you're asked, and say "thanks" when the transaction is complete. If you can't do anything else just make sure you go shopping. Not going will feed your anxiety.

Finally, why not make it a point to buy one thing in one place and something else in another place in order to practice trying to make the clerks feel comfortable rather than worrying about your own anxiety.

Answer 6

Sounds like you have an anxiety issue. See a therapist, perhaps a psychiatrist, maybe a little meds might help (I hate drugs, but sometimes you need them). Good luck dear.

Answer 7

you would do Ok at the self service checkout lane

Answer 8

Have you ever thought about mail order or on-line shopping?

Answer 9

SORRY, CAN HELP YOU HERE. YOU MUST SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP TO GET YOUR HELP. gOOD ENOUGH, YES?