I'm bisexual, but I've never had any luck with women. I'm in a wonderful relationship with a wonderful man who I wish to marry... will I regret it years from now if I never allow myself to have a fling with a woman to see how it feels?
2007-02-02 09:51:15 · 14 answers · asked by techwiz2000_2000 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, I would never go behind his back to try and sleep with a girl... it just worries me, you know? Like, should I get married knowing that I'm losing my chance? I mean, my sexuality is part of who I am... am I denying myself that?
2007-02-02 09:56:18 · update #1
I think bad is the wrong word to use and I would say that self -punishment would be the correct word to use if you wanted my honest opinion.
No. you are not denying your sexuality, you are being upfront about it and accepting that possibly you might be. You cannot stop your life until you do know though!
I am a beleiver that your life is better with more optinions that none at all and I would say that as long as your fiance is okay and knows about your bisexuality and is okay to marry you still, then it is what is right for both of you now. If he isn't happy about it, then all you can do is to make a decision now about what you want now and not what you think you might want five years from now.
If you love and want to be with this guy now and tomorrow even though you can't predict what you want in some days or weeks time, then yes be with each other but just don't marry and keep open the nature of your relationship with him. If you do want to be with a woman again and you meet a nice one, then your guy would have to accept this if you do choose to be with him. He has to have a choice from the start and that means you being open and honest with him even if he rejects you for it because he is within his rights to have a choice to.
Getting married would mean something different to you than say him if he wants it for life. If you don't and only until you might meet a nice woman, then perhaps not getting married to him is the best thing you can do?. You both have to talk this through for sure. If you need male companionship as much as female, then I would say looking for a man who is okay with it or bisexual himself might be the best option available to you so that all involved are informed and no one is going to get hurt. If your guy knows that you are bisexual and is okay with it, then what does it matter if some years down the line you find a great woman you can love and be with? - You will always have a great guy friend who loves you for who you whether you divorce or not.
What you do is nothing to do with anyone else only yourself and those in your life now, so what choices you make are yours only and no one should ever have to be alone and unfulfilled just because they like both sexes. What is important is that the people in your life are going to love and support you for who you are and not what sexuality you are. If the guy you are with is with you because he loves and supports you for you, then what else happens really doesn't matter. He sounds perfect and not somone who is about to abandon you just because you might find a woman some years down the line or next week.
It must be very hard for you and I am honoured to read your story. I am positive that something good can only come of this and you can't regret anything you haven't done wrong! - even if you were to meet a woman tomorrow, if this guy is any kind of lover, he will not reject or abandon you even if you leave him for her. A lover is also a best friend too and that is what he has to prove to you if he is a decent sort. There are lots of great people out there who are both straight and gay as well as bisexual and I am sorry that you have had some bad experiences - you can't have too many of them in one life time I am sure!.
You will meet others along the way and because life has ths funny way of doing that and hopefully, you will meet good guys and good women in the mix?. Your fiance is who you love and cherish but if he ever changes because of your bisexuality, then he proabley wasn't worth it in the first place. He needs to love and accept you for all that you are as a whole person and so if this is there, then so is his heart too and what will keep your love eternal despite any changes there may ever be to your life together.
It is not certain how you do feel when you haven't yet had a female lover and so my opinion is that remain with the love you have now and not plan for any tommorows until they happen. You love this man and this can't be denied or thrown away because of what you don't know. Your honesty will create a very strong bond with your fiance and so he will love and accept you no matter that you have a desire to experience same sex love sometime into your marriage. I think you are very hard on yourself and unlikely to ever be hurt again when you are such an open and honest person with those you care about.
Love is not conditional and if it is, it is wrong so being together regardless of your unexplored desires is going to make it a very honest and genuine love very few people in this world know what unconditional love is and how important it is to marriage vows. You deserve to be happy however that is going to work out and I think that marriage to a wonderful man who loves and accepts you unconditionally, is the kind of love you never want to throw away regardless of what happens after that.
You can't plan for something you don't know and you can't be alone when you have someone who loves and wants you. You can't blame and torture yourself for what you feel and life is far too short for that. Be with the man you love and want in your life and if he is asking you to be with him, jump on that boat as it doesn't seem to be one that is ever going to abandon you!.
You are a sweet and lovely lady and so please don't beat yourself up anymore than you have done. Love is unconditional and it has found you and that is what is important the most.
2007-02-02 11:10:16 · answer #1 · answered by Shikira-trudi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm well .. think you should go ahead and get married .somewhere down the line you will meet the right person .female and have a little fling and if your hubby knows maybe he won't consider it cheating .I mean most guys dont consider it cheating if its with another woman.. and well maybe you should have a talk with him before you are married and tell him you are bi.. most women i have met in my life have bi tendencies im sorry ladies but its a fact. .but its not that big of an issue but now if you have tendencies to be with a female totally instead of a man you might have an issue,but really i wouldnt worry about it..if you feel you can talk to him about it talk to him im sure he will understand and if not just wait and the right person will come along and maybe even something would work out for the three of you ,there are a lot of bizzare things in life that work out.Havent you ever heard the phrase life is stranger than fiction.. dont feel bad its kind of a built in thing i think in women to feel that way some act on it some dont and even with men i suppose they could be curious and wonder about the same things .. who knows but i know thatt i have had many conversations with many women that have told me about present of past experiences and without fail there has never been one that didnt have either..But i have been bold in my life and asked about such things so that is why i can honestly say what i do..
2007-02-02 21:43:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how old you are, but I think most ladies have bisexual feelings and interests in their teens and twenties. By your thirties they'll fade. So if you get a chance to act on it, go ahead, but most fantasies are much better just as that - a fantasy. Chances are it won't be all that you imagine. Don't lose the man you love over it, thats for sure. You won't regret not munching carpet, but you will regret not having the man you wanted to marry.
2007-02-02 18:23:37 · answer #3 · answered by Jilli Bean 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The grass is always greener on the other side. If you can't commit to this "wonderful" man mind, body and soul then you aren't ready to consider marriage. If you don't know what you want from life you need to tell him, maybe he'll wait for you to make up your mind or maybe he won't, but at least you wouldn't be rushing into something you're not ready for.
2007-02-02 18:19:58 · answer #4 · answered by QT 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do you love this wonderful man? If not then dont marry him. Maybe experiment a little and see who you really want to be with and be sure you love the person if you commit to him or her.
2007-02-02 17:55:28 · answer #5 · answered by chemky1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can answer this. Whenever we make a choice, we almost always choose one thing over another. When people get married, they sacrifice many things in order to get other things. Whether or not the sacrifice is worth it - it's up to each individual to decide.
2007-02-02 18:05:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will regret it if you wind up losing the man you want to marry over something as trivial as lustful curiosity.
2007-02-02 17:54:29 · answer #7 · answered by Aloe-ish-us 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you get it out of your system before you marry him. Have you thought of talking to him about it, or maybe the possibility of a threesome? Most men jump at that chance.
2007-02-02 18:00:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That would make you a cheater.
How would he react if he finds out you betrayed him?
Is a fling worth the relationship?
2007-02-02 17:55:36 · answer #9 · answered by jw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes desires change, it can happen over night. But if you have a strong desire to be with women then maybe you should talk to your boy friend about it.
2007-02-02 17:58:44 · answer #10 · answered by ant 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋