he always watches other women on tv and in shopping malls. he stares other women and he staresour neibour's wife and he doesnt give me any present. he watches women on computer.i m educated, beautiful, sexy i dont know why he s doing this to me.i dont like his behaviour..he never understand me sometimes he says u r fat sometimes hesays u r too slim. i m in best shape. he hurts me by saying all this. he has 2000 women pictures in his computer and when i told him to delete all the pic.s then he said he saved thease pictures before marriage.. i feel so sad... i cried what should i do?
2007-02-02 09:31:22 · 33 answers · asked by carrie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
leave him?!
2007-02-02 09:33:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 3⤋
He is disrespecting you and if he loved you he would stop. I dont mind my husband looking at other women every now and then I dont like him looking at porn but if he were to start looking at women all the time like this and have all these pictures stored I would be upset to. Its always going to be on your mind what he is doing and who with I know I have been through it and it hurts. The trust isnt there like it use to be and you become distant. If he doesnt change and chooses this behavior over you then as hard as it would be you need to move on. There isnt anything wrong with you and if it ended trust me you wouldnt have a hard time finding a good man who wouldnt disrespect you this way. Get dressed up and get out w/ some girl friends to get this off your mind wish you luck.
2007-02-02 12:36:52 · answer #2 · answered by hotmoma1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think your husbands loves you, respects you or care for you. He is not behaving like a gentleman, he is being rude, nasty, disrespectful and you are giving him permission to do it.
He has a very low self estime, that's way he enjoys bringing you down. He is so insecure and inmature that's the reason he is behaving like this. It seams you love your husband, but would you treat him the same way he treats you? I dint think so! and that is because you love him. My point is, when you love and care for someone you love, you don't go around looking at other woman the way he is doing it, he does it because he knows you hate it and he enjoys it, you don't hurt the person that you love and care so much.
About the gift, well, my husband was a mess in the gift department, not every man knows what to do, so my advice here is, tell him what you want, write it down, send him an e-mail, so next time you will know that if he gets you nothing, he do not care for you, unless he is short of cash, but that's way you are a couple and i suppose you know when there is cash.
My final point is, go to therapy to recover your self esteem and to know how to react to his comments. Believe me, it works!!
2007-02-02 10:00:41 · answer #3 · answered by Atzy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he has some issues. Thats wrong. Looking is okay, if he is not disrespectful, heres how I look at it. You are probably apart all day, working whatever, he has ample time to gauck at women, I feel when your man is with you, he should be respectful and pay attention to you. I know someone that does the looking thing a lot, and I had one guy answer a similar question of mine, and he put it correctly. He has time to go and be a man, but he should love and respect you enough that when you are with him, you should be #1, and make you feel like you are the most beautiful woman in the room. You should also know yourself, that you are. If he doesn't appreciate you and the time you share, then find someone who will appreciate you. You deserve better. One mistake us women make is letting a man break our spirit, don't let him. Let your spirit fly!
2007-02-02 09:49:11 · answer #4 · answered by Cute Stuff 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wow, he has 2000 pictures of women on his computer, he belittles you (too fat, too slim), and he openly stares at other women. This man, and I am using that term loosely, has serious problems. Feeling sad and crying are legitimate reactions, but they don't solve anything. You must decide if you can live with that treatment and lack of respect. Don't let anyone, man or woman, make you less than whom you are. You are too valuable to allow that to happen.
Best luck and take care.
2007-02-02 09:50:50 · answer #5 · answered by Abby 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Being unhappy & lonely with someone[not good] Degrades you on how you look < Seems he has interests other than you .Make a choice he isn't going to change you ask him to. Thats the way it is or move on. I would bet if you looked like he does at others and had guy photos he have a fit and fall threw it .Ask him? that give you an idea where hes at and if he cares. Good Luck Hope you do ok
2007-02-02 09:59:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he has an addiction to pornography and usually it is because of exposure to it at a very young age. This isn't personal against you. He needs help and if he admits he has a problem, there's a chance with counseling.
On the other hand as far as the verbal abuse goes, you'll have to stand up to him and don't give him a reaction when he offends you. He's insecure and just wants to make sure he has power over you. When he starts insulting you, just walk out of the room and tell him you don't have to listen to that. This is suppose to be a way to get him to stop because it's not fun when he can't get a reaction. Verbal abusers usually don't even know they are abusing their partner.
You can even do some research about it to help you deal with his problems as they are deep rooted.
Best wishes!
2007-02-02 09:45:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
It is true that men will look. And as long as they don't touch, there is no real harm.
So do women.
Its normal and healthy in moderation. Besides, you cant really hope to order him to not notice the blonde in the too tight blouse.
In moderation. It sounds like he has surpassed that. 2000 pictures? Yeah, waaaay past moderation. Now its unhealthy.
Here's what I would do. I'd ask a question or two.
"What do they have that I do not?"
"What do you get out of looking at them? What need does it satisfy?"
"When you say I'm too fat and too skinny, it hurts my feelings. Why do you say these things to me?"
His answers both verbal and non-verbal will tell you all you need to know. And if he dismisses the question or refuses to answer...you have your answer. Be strong.
2007-02-02 09:52:43 · answer #8 · answered by jw 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Men will always look at other women. I dont do it in front of my wife out of respect. I would not have pictures of women on my computer either. So, he probably does love you, but has some issues. Every healthy(normal) man does decide if he would screw another women the nanoseconed he sees her. That said, he should have respect for your feelings.
2007-02-02 09:36:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Saying he loves you and showing you that he does are 2 different things. He may be saying it, but by his actions he's NOT showing it. He shouldn't be looking at other women. The only woman who he should want to even look at is you. I know from personal expirience, I used to look at women all the time and made my wife feel unappriciated. And I feel terrible that I ever did that to her.
Now, I can see other women, but I don't stare, or look at their bodies, I look at the face. If I see what they are wearing is skimpy, I look away. It's not easy, but it's possible. Where I work at, in the break room we have a couple callendars with women dressed in skimpy bikini's in 1 and another of women in lingerie, and I don't look at them. If I do, I am not honestly paying attention to the women in them. Because in my mind, the only woman who's body I want to see is my wife's.
As an example of the temptation I go through at work, today, one of the guys asked me if one of the women from one of those calendars would come in and say she wanted to have sex with me, asked what I would do. And I replied that I would tell her no, and they called me a liar. It hurts, but at least I have my priorities in the right place and I'm putting my wife before anyone else.
So it is possible to change. But he needs to stop thinking of himself and start thinking of you and putting you and your feelings and needs before his own.
Sorry that he's treating you so disrespectful. Hope that things turn around for you.
Take care and God Bless
2007-02-02 10:15:51 · answer #10 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Can you say "COUNSELOR?" Find someone who will talk to both of you at the same time with a low to no income if necessary. They are out there. I'm sorry your husband isn't being the true man God planned him to be. I work for therapists who give therapy to sex offenders on parole and what you described is what got 1/2 of them IN here! It is not good! Is communication not an option? He needs to be sat down, lips closed, ears open and listen to the one he SAID he loves!!! Good luck and God Bless!
2007-02-02 09:39:51 · answer #11 · answered by curiousgeorgette 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋