My husband over reacts to the pettiest things. He has been to Iraq twice and i realize that that may play a big part in his behavior. sometimes when i am just trying to help him he turns it around and makes me feel like i am insulting him. He has a hard time just talking to me too, he just starts yelling at me. When his friends are around i cant help but feel disrespected.
2007-02-02 08:17:35 · 12 answers · asked by GIRL 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He needs help. Maybe you should offer it to him. Or maybe you can get a mutual divorce. War does terrible things to people, and i am sorry to offer no comfort or solice in this time, but you must do what you can before it turns violent.
2007-02-02 08:21:44 · answer #1 · answered by Drew 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he does not go to counseling, YOU SHOULD GO!
this is abuse.
It is not the classic sense (no broken bones or names being called) but it is abuse none the less.
Without help, it will only get worse.
If you can handle it then great but this WILL have an impact on your children.
NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS!
just so you know, this happens quite frequently when men come home from war.
During Desert storm the divorce rate around military bases went up 33% when the husbands came back to town. In the newspaper article, those that were willing to comment stated various reasons but the reoocurring them was just that the communication was 'not the same'.
Alot of military men have a difficult time adjusting to a more civilian life after the stresses of war. In the military, there is that chain of command so there so there is not alot of ways to get his feelings hurt. This probably does alot to undermine once confidence. Maybe his self esteem is lower because of this.
Imagine how you would feel if every day for the past 9 months (or ever how long) you were constantly told what to do and when to do it....this could do alot to your self esteem now that he is back home because in the past however long he hasnt had to make too many decisions about anything.
NOT an apologist for this behavior but that might be the reasoning.
Either way he needs help but more importantly, you do too because after all YOU have been thru to be the loyal wife to him and take care of business while he is gone, you deserve better!
2007-02-02 16:34:36 · answer #2 · answered by kissmymiddlefinger 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The yelling needs to be nipped in the bud NOW.
When he starts to yell say in a firm, clear and clam voice, "Bob, I will not be yelled at nor spoken to as an inferior. I will not tolerate being disrespected in front of friends and family. Do you understand what I have just said?" He may go off again, but interrupt him still remaining calm, "Bob. Do you understand?" If he doesn't back down and continues to rant, leave for the night. Go to a trusted friends house, and call him when you get there. Say, "I'm at Sally's house for the night. We both need time to calm down. I will be back tomorrow morning. I love you. Goodnight." What you are doing in this scenario is setting limits and boundaries. He's military he should understand those just fine.
As others have said, get him into some therapy. Outpatient is fine. Good luck.
2007-02-02 16:47:49 · answer #3 · answered by Poppet 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The man who returned from Iraq is probably quite different from the man who went there. He's been through some things those of us who stayed safe here at home will probably never truly understand.
Talk these feeling out with a therapist. A trained professional can give you guidance on how to help him - and yourself - through this difficulty. Whatever he's experiencing now probably has nothing to do with you, but, since you're the one who's right there, it's landing on you.
He sounds angry - and sad - and he'll have to find ways to deal with his feelings. Just love him and provide him a "safe place to land" - and always give him the level of respect you want to have from him.
It will take time, but it will be worth the time and your efforts - and he'll always remember that you were the one who always loved him and never left him.
2007-02-02 16:37:23 · answer #4 · answered by MomBear 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what branch of the service your husband was in, or what his MOS was, but combat is not fun! I'm sure two tours in Iraq would mess with anybody's head!! And if he was an Army infantryman or a Marine Corps rifleman, and he was somewhere where the combat was really bad (Falluja, Anbar Province ect) I'm sure he's REALLY stressed!
He's probably got post traumatic stress disorder - and he should go and get that checked out. You should suggest that he go to the VA hospital and get some therapy - or, if he won't do that, get him to hang out with some of his buddies from his unit - spending time with people who went through the same stuff he did might help him deal with his psychological pain.
Good luck!
2007-02-02 16:28:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your husband has major issues he needs to deal with. So don't take it to lightly. Your right, it is disrespectful and women sould'nt have to put up with it. It seems like he has a tendencey to beomming verbally abusive, if he is'nt already. If he doesn't respond for the need to seek conseling, i say ditch him. I've been down this road before. You are probably misreable if he is treating you in such a way that he feels he has to yell at you and in front of friends at that---looser!!!
2007-02-02 16:45:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
His tours in Iraq are most likely the reason for his behavior. You can't do anything, he needs to talk to someone.....the military is getting much better about helping soldiers adjust when they return to civilian life. Have him look into it.
2007-02-02 16:25:24 · answer #7 · answered by AmyB 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try to get him into therapy. He could be having a difficult time in dealing with what he experienced in Iraq.
2007-02-02 16:23:51 · answer #8 · answered by Bridgette B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He needs therapy. Or you can go crazy on him in front of his friends and embarass him. Maybe that will get him to talk to you and find out what is wrong. Then you can tell him how you feel about the way he treats you, and maybe he will change his ways.
2007-02-02 16:22:37 · answer #9 · answered by ldgbt 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Therapy!!!
2007-02-02 17:02:49 · answer #10 · answered by kherome 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋