Kids and husband?

Question

I have a 3 yr. old and a 15 month old. They are great kids, but somedays are horrible, your typical fights and crying, sometimes all day. I don't have help at all and since it is winter, there is nothing to do, I cannot afford to enroll them anywhere so all day is with me, which I don't mind, but it gets crazy around here. My husband works and sometimes he does side jobs after work with his friend, seems lately he is never ever home, whether it is working or going to help his family with things. My problem is that my husband only works when it is convenient for his friend to work, so basically I am alone all day and night. What should I do? I just had it out with him on the phone bec. he was to come home and he called me saying that he was going to do a job. It is so hard to care 24/7 for 2 crazy kids with no help....what can I do?

Answer 1

Just breathe. Before you know it the kids will be grown. Men can be jerks sometimes.

Answer 2

Boy can I relate to that. Only I didn't have a husband bringing home the cash. I had to do that part too. But I do understand. and I agree with taking a day for yourself. It is so important.
Try a brief visit to the Library. My twins loved that. We started doing that when they were just 2 1/2 and they were so good. They just loved having books read to them. And sometimes the library will have special programs like a puppet presentation or Story Day and all sorts of stuff. you could have a good time yourself. Just watch what time you go and sync it around lunch and nap time. Also you can check out books that can recommend different types of home activities that will entertain them. Like maybe making puppets themselves out of old socks and buttons. A bit much for a 15 month old but they could draw some pictures for Dad and use that for a place setting for dinner. Blow up balloons and let them draw on them and make people faces. those would be fun for the baby. Pop in an aerobics tape and let the kids dance with you. They will have a great time. Schedule in all kinds of little things like this and all of a sudden you will find that they will be happier and taking a nice nap everyday and giving you a much needed bit of peace. Relax read or meditate while the kids nap. Keep your chin up girl.
Then take a whole Saturday and leave the kids with your husband. Leave at 8 am and come home around 6 pm. I'll bet you he will either understand your frustration or take the kids to his mother. Either way you will have a day off. :o)

Answer 3

You do have your hands full! Do you have any other family or friends that can give you a much needed break, even for a few hours? Drop the kids off and go home, soak in the tub, do your nails, just relax and take some "me" time. Does your husband understand how hectic things are for you? Is getting a part time job an option for you? Maybe just 2 days a week, where you get other adult contact and a break from the kids. Would you have someone to watch them for you? If he is playing the breadwinner card and isnt able (or willing) to help then you really need to put a backup system in place so you can have a few hours of sanity every week.
Good Luck

Answer 4

Maybe a relative can step in and give you a few hours here and there without the kids. You are not alone, Plenty of young women in the same situation. Talk to him, and tell him you are getting stressed about the 24/7 kid thing. He also is a parent, and needs to have some of the parenting jobs too. It is not all up to you. Tell him this. Even if he could take them to his parents place for the afternoon sometimes, or to the park, beach, he has to get involved.

Answer 5

oh man going through the SAME THING...You should one day when he is home just pick up the keys and leave don't tell him anything because he will try and stop you go out an be by yourself for a few hours. No cell phone nothing. They are his kids too he should know how to handle them. When you feel calm enough to return do so. If he wants to pick a fight just tell him he has his time you need yours you are not some house cleaning baby taking care of machine. You needed a break and you took one. Its time he realized what hard work it is. and give you your due respect!!

Answer 6

Speak to your husband (when he's home) and discuss a plan. Maybe you could find a part-time job while he takes care of the children, and he could work less, I think you would be happy having some freedom & independace and he would finally spend some time at home with his family, you need to have 'me time' and "we time" its improtant in any relationship and a must in a marriage, Its not fair that money is his responsibilty and the children be yours, you need to share your responsibilites for things to work. He needs to understand that he has a wife and two children at home that need him just as much as everybody else, make this clear to him, you sound like a wife thats needs her husband back. Figure out what it is that you want to change and what you expect to happen, then put it into practice, Dont take NO for an answer. Good Luck

Answer 7

I would find a way to put your kids in daycare for a couple of hours a week. Ask family or friends or see if there is a day care where you can get free care if you volunteer there. You are not getting any time to yourself and you are overwhelmed. You also need to set some time where when your husband comes home you are able to leave and go to the gym or to a friends for a couple of hours.

I use to volunteer at a local gym in their daycare, i got my membership for free, others did it so they could get free daycare. So ask around and talk to your husband. Be careful to not approach him when you are upset because you won't get anywhere.

You two need to talk when you are both clear headed. You need to see his side and he needs to see your side. I would also suggest starting a babysitting club where you and your friends each take turns watching everyone's kids while the rest of you go out together. For example, let's say there are four of you. One of you will have all the kids at her house while the rest go out to dinner or a movie. Then the next time someone else stays home with the kids. Then rotate it for the next week or month. Or you guys could just get together at someone's house and hang out with the kids. If you don't have friends like this then you need to make some, meet other women in your situation.

Answer 8

It's good he working, you need the $. Do you have a car? I often take my 3 little ones (4 and under) to and indoor playground. I'll buy 1 coffee or french fry just so they can't say anything, and just let them play for 1-2 hours! You've gotta get out of the house! Are your kids on a schedule? at that age they could both be taking a 2 hour nap (mine go down around 2 - it's 4:36 and they're still quiet). Find stuff for them to do, have them sit at the table, while the 3 year old is doing puzzles, let the baby color. Keep them busy. Teach them to help you; put their dirty clothes in the hamper, run the vacuum. Again, KEEP THEM BUSY! Make sure your kids are going to bed at a decent hour too. When they're down, spend time w/ your hubby. Find time for yourself 2, me and my sister-in-law trade days, i watch her 4 kids on thurdsays and she watches mine on tuesdays, i work for 4 hours then have the rest of the day "off". Good luck!

Answer 9

Your kids aren't crazy, they are kids. And you are normal, caring for two small children is a full-time job plus some. Talk to your husband and see if you can figure out why he is working so much. Is it because he feels like financially providing for you is his responsibility and he needs to earn the extra money for you? Is it because he just doesn't want to be home? Express to him how difficult it is for you. Set up some time for the two of you to go out, or stay in withOUT the kids. Maybe see if he can commit to watching the kids one day a month for you to have some mom only time. Hang in there, the kids will grow up and the time you are spending with them is really priceless.

Answer 10

Everyone once in a while get yourself a babysitter and get out of the house for a while. Go to lunch, window shop...it's ok to want to be away from the kids for a while. Everyone needs a breather once in a while. Imagine if you were a single mom how hard it would be...at least he's brining home the bacon.

I have a toddler too and I know how tiring it can be. We have an indoor playground especially for toddlers. Check your area to see if they have one. It's usually pretty cheap and costs nothing for adults. Toys R Us also has indoor play areas. Take them there and let them run around until exhausted.

Answer 11

His family?! You're his family!

Please, put things in writing and read them over. Arguing on the phone never solved anything. Get him to read it or to listen.

Kids are kids. Kids drive me crazy 24/7 too, even the best of them.

But don't you have other friends or family around? Why do you have to be alone all day? Maybe your husband's friends wife could come over?

Or his family that he helps, why don't they return some favors?