2007-02-02 08:07:46 · 20 answers · asked by J.Quentin Z 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
With all respect to the (getting another partner) opinion, this is the worst kind of recovery you can go through.
Divorce is hard & painful, just like breaking up after years of love.
From my opinion, you should start going out with your friends and make yourself busy with any activities.
If you can, travel to some place with a different culture and history. To see something new and keep your mind away from all the separation’s pain.
I say; if you are still living in the same house now, change the decoration.
If you can, bring new things to your home that got nothing to do with your ex.
Do not keep memories around you and avoid listen to music that will trigger your pain.
Well, I am against looking for new love now. You are in pain and your judgment at this moment is not right. Wait for a while until you balance your feelings and get back your emotional health and stability. Then you will find someone who will understand you and appreciate you the way you are.
Good luck & cheers.
You are not alone.
2007-02-02 08:24:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not easy and sorry for the cliche, but time does heal. Do not isolate. Do not sit at home in front of the tv. Get out with people. Even if you're alone, it's good to be around others. Do you have children? If so, try "Parents without Partners." I may disagree with the answer "you'll never be the same." That's true in a sense, but you may be better after time--not worse. Keep yourself busy. Talk about your feelings. Express your emotions. Recognize that's its ok to feel sad and depressed. If you lack friends, make an effort to gain new friends. Go to church if you're religious. Don't refuse social invitations no matter how sad you feel. About 50% of Americans have gone through what you are experiencing. YOU must make an effort to recover and it gets easier every day. After a while it simply becomes part of your life experience. Finally, there are organizations that exist just to help people recover from a divorce. Seek out those organizations.
2007-02-02 08:20:14 · answer #2 · answered by David M 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keeping busy ...spending time with others friends people who make you laugh and feel good but also can sit and talk and cry with you if need be. Divorce is never easy no matter how you still feel about the other one...but, i found for me it was best to keep busy and change my routine for awhile go out and work out or whatever you want to do...just keep busy and have some fun even if it is hard for you to do right now. It takes time to get over someone we loved but it can and does happen. Just don't do the one big mistake alot of others do and that is to settle for someone else right now.. Wait and meet the right person and date and get to know them have fun with them doing things...but don't rebound with them then you may be back in the situation you were in before or maybe a worse one...Good luck
2007-02-02 08:14:22 · answer #3 · answered by ohio_angell 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TIME! Throughout that marriage, you have learned alot and taught alot. You will take it all with you and will be better prepared for so many circumstances that will come your way that before you had no clue about. You are stronger than ever before and you are more schooled than you ever were before. There's nothing like this cold real world to teach us a CRASH course! Keep the relationship civil if possible and wish each other the best. You will be fine and you will find love again! Hopefully, not too soon. You need time to spoil yourself and think about what it is you want to do and where you want to go without owing any consideration to another. Enjoy it! I think you will!
2007-02-02 08:15:06 · answer #4 · answered by enjoyrselves 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long have you been divorced? How long were you seperated before the divorce was final? Apparently it wasn't your idea. It is one of the major life stressors especially if it goes against your belief systems, religious beliefs etc. When you got married I'm sure divorce wasn't an option right. So, what gave them the right to leave you? They didn't have the right. How dare they take your life and turn it upside down. But I'm sorry to say they did. It's like grieving. There are five stages. Grief is the internal part of loss, how we feel. The internal work of grief is a process, a journey. It does not end on a certain day or date. It is as individual as each of us. The pain of loss is so intense, so heartbreaking, because in loving we deeply connect with another human being, and grief is the reflection of the connection that has been lost.
You think you want to avoid the grief right? But really it is the pain of the loss we want to avoid. Grief is ultimately brings us comfort in our pain.
You ask when does it end how do I recover? There isn't a series of events or stages or timelines. In our society there is an enormous pressure to just get over it and get on with your life. Easier said than done.
The five stages of loss are denial- helps you survive the loss. Life makes no sense, you may wonder how you can go on if you can go on why would you want to go on. There is a grace in denial it is natures way of letting in only as much as you can handle.
stage two- anger self explanatory
stage three- bargaining- with yourself, with God I will do this if only they will come back to me.
stage four- depression- flat out down and out with sadness, maybe laying around in your pj's for days or weeks eating too much or nothing not working or taking care of yourself your house etc.
stage five- acceptance- it sounds like you may be at acceptance. Now you just want to recover and want to fastest way to get there?
Time- in time you will recover. Time heals everything. Probably not what you wanted me to say after all I just said. There are support groups for newly divorced people look in your local phonebook. These groups really help.
Grief is the healing process that helps us deal with the loss of a loved one. Grief does not have a clear beginning or clear end to it. Rather, it is a reflection of feelings surrounding the loss. Grief will ebb and flow throughout your life after the divorce. You will learn to live with the loss of your marriage and the love you feel for the other person will change to hate somedays to love back and forth finally you will remember your marriage with some memories but your life will be filled with new experiences. New loves somebody who truly loves you for you and when they say I do till death do us part are not as immature as your ex breaking that trust, lying to you to God and the entire world by breaking that vow. You did not break the vow they did. That's cowardly to run when things aren't going smoothly or something or someone "better" comes along. Soon however, this "better" person is worse regretting the divorce maybe even trying to get back together at which time you will be stronger and see this person for what they really are. Have enough respect and love for yourself to tell them to move along, you've wasted my time once before and I will not allow you to do it again. Have pity on this desperate person. Marriage is work it's tough not everyday is love and all that movie stuff. Please hang in there love yourself remember time heals all.
2007-02-02 10:13:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very slowly, one day at a time, and with each passing day it gets easier. Find something you really like to do that you wouldn't have done before because of this person, and go to it!
Keeping yourself busy is the key. When you feel the weight of it dragging you down, find something ELSE to occupy your mind and time. It's hard, but trust me, the path is already beaten from the millions before you that have already been there, and it's VERY doable. It's the plan for your life. You learned something from it. Now it's time to move into a new phase.
2007-02-02 08:12:08 · answer #6 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know this is probably the last answer you want to hear, but time. Also keep yourself busy. Have something planned on time when not working, or with kids if you have any. Have something to look forward to on weekends. Please don't turn to the bars for all of your entertainment. The women prey on men that are going through hard, confusing times as you are now. Get close to your family if they live close. Good Luck
2007-02-02 08:13:58 · answer #7 · answered by FANNY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u recover when u stop blaming yourself, when u realize there was nothing u could do about it anyway, when u realize u are probably better off, when u forgive yourself. when u replace the hurt with another interest. when u can move on even if u are feeling fear, and doing what it takes to feel better in spite of the fears.
2007-02-02 09:03:54 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is hard took me 3 years and several jobs and girlfreinds best i did was find a job i liked and worked alot until the hurt was over hope this helps
2007-02-02 08:10:11 · answer #9 · answered by john t 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't men get a 30% income raise and women get a 70% income decrease =___=
2007-02-02 08:10:53 · answer #10 · answered by yewieh 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋